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#46014 - 02/23/03 08:37 PM Re: Why didn't you tell?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
theDean - just a quick reply! Your mentioning how powerful, strong - overwhelming,intimidating (?) - he was, When I was in 8th grade, I was intimidated by my Social Studies teacher. She yelled, bullied and terrified me to no end. I had the opportunity to visit my Jr. High and tried to avoid her. However, she exited her classroom right into me. FEAR!!!! Wait!! She was shorter than I remembered her (because I had grown bigger than she). She was old lady with a very ancient hairdo! Where had the bully gone? As I had grown, she could not intimidate or scare me again. Could you picture yourself today and him trying to do what he did? Does this make sense for you??

If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#46015 - 02/24/03 10:19 AM Re: Why didn't you tell?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Your de>
Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#46016 - 02/24/03 01:03 PM Re: Why didn't you tell?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Would it be possible to get a coopy of your speech after you give it. If I may I would like to forward it on the governments hee in the Frozen North



#46017 - 02/24/03 02:32 PM Re: Why didn't you tell?
Chey-Wy Offline

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY

I hope you have sucess with your speach.

While I was not sexually abused by my mother I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother. Another survivor suggested I read the Book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, Ph.D.

I can't find the exact quote, but what she says is that while each story of abuse is differnt you will find a little part of Your abuser in each of the abusers in the book.

I was sexually abused by the little girls accros the alley when I was 4 or 5. (I have never placed much emphais on that) I can remember the emotional and the Physical abuse happening long before that, I can't remember anything about my life before I was three years old. is this "normal? I keep wondering if there is something significant that happened when I was 3. Perhaps It was when I was three that the S A with the little girls occured.

Today, I feel that I do need to place some emphasis on the little girls across the alley. What they did was to start a cycle that continued into my adult life. I on many occasions I have asked my T's " Do I have a big red sign on my forehead that says Rape me?, abuse me, take advantage of me.

Two weeks ago I met with both my EMDR T and my regular T. I asked the question again. My EMDR T replied ..."I have found that working with victims of trauma that it is in there eyes." They have what I call inflicted, sad, fearful eyes. Perpitrators see these eyes.

LIke I said, if you would be interested in talking to me about the effect my abuse has had on my life I would be happy to share some of my experiences.

I can recall two incidents that I have posted about that come to mind how the S A has affected my life.

  • I used to have a dream (nightmare) that Santa Clause was chasing me. When he would catch me he would tell me how bad I was and that I wouldn't be getting any presents. Sometimes he would beat me because I had been so bad. Santa Clause was my mother.

    In my adult life, I was fired from a job as being a Santa Clause in the mall because I was told by the manager .... one of the customers had told her "That Santa has the saddest eyes I have ever seen. Santa is supposed to be Jolly."
  • The second is the story of what I will call the significant S. A's of my life. I now feel that both of these perps saw the " sad fearful eyes' and used these eyes to thier advantage.

If you want to contact me. Private me and I will be happy to send you contact info.



From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

#46018 - 02/24/03 10:58 PM Re: Why didn't you tell?
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
scottytodd, I appreciate your visualization. No, I would not be afraid in that context. I need to talk with my therapist about this. Thanks a mi9llion for your insight.

Good luck Ken. I so admire you for all you do. You write really well and with lots of heart as well as mind.

Peace brothers.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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