For me dissociation was total loss of self, time and place. The triggers were intense and reminiscent of the abuse. I would have flashbacks and the emotions of the abuse took over. I left and found myself in places not knowing how I got there or where I was traveling to. I would come back, scared and thought I was loosing it. I must have become a different person. My T and doctors say the child looking for love and the abuser. Why, the triggers were horrific and trapping to a fragile mind trying to bury the abuse. But I had episodes my entire life but only in the past nine years did they become frequent and overwhelming, including hospitalizations.
It is such a complicated process. I am learning new coping mechanism and I understand triggers (which I had no concept of until therapy), and how to identify and avoid these triggers. Breathing techniques, finding an object to focus on,and others.
It was an escape but probably not to a good place for me. Memories in this state cannot be recovered. I have been free of fugues almost a year next month.