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#464319 - 04/21/14 06:31 AM Re: Sexual charge post trauma [Re: gaatt]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Well Gaat, I can accept different people feel different things. This is part of my genophobia I suspect, sinse to me all those sorts of reactions bring a sense of disgust or utter panic.

I can't actually analyse my own state during mb sinse it's pretty much just about taking care of business. It exists in and of itself with very little by way of attached thought or logical consequences, I just sit around thinking my abstracted thoughts and relieve what needs relieving, that is pretty much all.

I have considdered resorting to a prostitute at some points, if nothing else because of morbid curiosity, however I just can't imagine a situation where I could actually go through with things with no emotional connection to the person in question without feeling a very gnum sense of panic, indeed as far as what I would hope from a relationship I can't imagine anything more intermit than holding hands, cuddling or kissing without it triggering my genophobic reflexes.

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#464341 - 04/21/14 03:03 PM Re: Sexual charge post trauma [Re: dark empathy]
gaatt Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 90
Hi Dark Empathy,

I actually considered hiring a prostitute and/or massage therapist too, to explore the 3 week sleeping together healing routine (no sex) described here: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1734

I wasn't able to get support that way (It seems to be a totally foreign concept to anyone: too intimate!), but I did run into an interesting agency which might be able to do something helpful (See:http://www.sensualsolutions.ca/companionship/). Unfortunately they are too far away to be of any help to me and there is nothing similar where I live. Maybe there is something like this where you live?

I've done some healing touch stuff (reflexology is very safe, Quantum Touch or Reiki are more involved but still pretty safe) and I hire a massage therapist. That seems to help.

My recent experiment with a partner in healing backfired rather badly, but I did learn about setting boundaries. Now I'm focussing on loving my body any way I can on my own and seeing where that leads.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

"GAATT"
_________________________
Love is the answer

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#464381 - 04/22/14 04:59 AM Re: Sexual charge post trauma [Re: gaatt]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Well again we come back to the therapy question of any sort. The real problem for me is that any touch is uncomfortable, indeed the only times I can do something like hug someone with no freze reflex is when I'm trying to focus on someone else. I did this recently in a performance I was helping out with, finished up having three separate people (two female one male), break down and cry all over me, and as usual I ended up providiing support for others, but the sort of mutually pleasurable cummunicative touch that others enjoy is so alien to me as to be nearly impossible, indeed even people talking about s/x in my presance unless I am shielding myself triggers my genophobic panic.

Loving my body in a solo sense is not really something that gives me trouble. I already lift weights and run and peroform exercises in order to maintain my voice, that is just necessity, my problem is to do entirely with interacting with others, not with being alone.

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#464418 - 04/22/14 02:58 PM Re: Sexual charge post trauma [Re: dark empathy]
gaatt Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 90
Wow! That is challenging! I hear you on defaulting to focus on the needs of others. I do pretty much exactly the same thing with most women. My needs (non-sexual touch and healthy bonding (healing early childhood trauma)) usually go unrecognized and usually go unmet unless I make a very concerted effort to speak about them and/or satisfy them in any way I can by myself.

I wish I had some ideas for you.

These last few days I've been reading a book by Osho called "Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships". In it, he claims that Buddha's primary sutra in the Dhammapada states: "Love yourself and watch - today, tomorrow, always". So loving self is the first step. He emphasized that very strongly in the text. I'm not sure how that would work exactly for you, but perhaps you (or your dreams at night or your body) do.

Thanks for writing. Best wishes for your full healing too!

Sincerely,

GAATT
_________________________
Love is the answer

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