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#460025 - 02/02/14 11:06 PM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

dear justplainme,
where did you get this quote from?
my google came up empty.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

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#460029 - 02/03/14 01:31 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 276
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#460033 - 02/03/14 01:50 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
danke!
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Victor|Victim

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#460035 - 02/03/14 03:22 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
I would do something about it justplaneme, if if I actually knew how! don't you think I've asked myself that question for years, heck I even tried eharmony and that was a mistake.

As to what I want, the term "communication" or intimacy comes close, though I've talked about that before, suffice it sto say I know what it is, I've seen others with it and I'd know it if I experienced it. As to why, ---- well why does a plant want sunlight.

I thought for several years I could be leak the character hoffman in the opera Tales of Hoffman, who abandons all the things he loves about women, beauty, accomplishment, innocense (it was written in the early 1800's), to follow the mews of poetry, but the problem is I'm just not a very good hoffman, especially if what happened with my phd is true.

I'm stuck with wanting something and no idea how to get it or what I should do, and sitting and thinking happy thoughts just doesn't cut it anymore.

This is why I originally backedoff from this site in my dead end topic, since all being here and considdering recovery got me was feeling bitter, and that doesn't seem to have changed either.

I'm stuck needing something locked behind a door seaed with a pasword I can't understand (and believe me I've tried), and I'm sick of it. (Removed by ModTeam)

This also confirms why I shouldn't have returned to this site, I appologise for my mistake.


Edited by ModTeam (02/03/14 09:28 AM)
Edit Reason: Personal attacks are not permitted. While the site encourages sharing our struggles, our sharing within the community will remain supportive.

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#460051 - 02/03/14 10:01 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
While I certainly feel your frustration and hurt...Getting mad at the men here who have worked really hard in the lives and recovery to have healthy relationships is really not fair. I know there have been times that I have held back talking about good things in my life because of this.
Relationships are not easy for anybody, they take a lot work and come with many ups , and downs. Compromise and hurt, but generally worth it. Consider 50 percent of marriages in the us don't work, so it's not easy.
It's our goal here to work through our issues to lead healthy fulfilling lives...everybody deserves that opportunity.
If I were to give you some practical advise I would say to not think so intellectual about it. You are a very smart guy, but I know so many smart guys who over analyze things...let it be a little more organic.

As to what's a date...the difference between a date and just hanging out at a mature age is seeing if there is a connection that leads to an intimate sexual experience and the chance to compliment each other in life. While I understand that might not work for you considering the genaphobia, and that's not the answer your looking for, it is what it is. Many women in there 20/30 want a mate that includes sexual activity.
Have you considered a sexual surrogate professional? Not a prostitute, but a sexual therapist whom you could just hold, maybe kiss and work through your issues and get some healthy touch and intamacy?
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#460055 - 02/03/14 10:46 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
Dark Empathy,

It's not about sitting and thinking happy thoughts. It's about taking action and doing things proactively to support in your own blossoming. The key and password is in your heart. No one else can tell you the password because they don't know it either. They can only discover their own password.

All that you seek really is within your own heart. Learn to understand the language of your own heart; the subtle nuances, the flavors, the actions and reactions. Learn how these emotions interact and intertwine with others through your actions. With patience and practice and persistence, the key will be revealed to you. Just as it is now being revealed to me in my own life.


"I'm stuck with wanting something and no idea how to get it or what I should do, and sitting and thinking happy thoughts just doesn't cut it anymore.

This is why I originally backedoff from this site in my dead end topic, since all being here and considdering recovery got me was feeling bitter, and that doesn't seem to have changed either.

I'm stuck needing something locked behind a door seaed with a pasword I can't understand (and believe me I've tried), and I'm sick of it."
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#460057 - 02/03/14 12:43 PM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: dark empathy]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 276
Originally Posted By: dark empathy
I would do something about it justplaneme, if if I actually knew how! don't you think I've asked myself that question for years, heck I even tried eharmony and that was a mistake.

As to what I want, the term "communication" or intimacy comes close, though I've talked about that before, suffice it sto say I know what it is, I've seen others with it and I'd know it if I experienced it. As to why, ---- well why does a plant want sunlight.

I thought for several years I could be leak the character hoffman in the opera Tales of Hoffman, who abandons all the things he loves about women, beauty, accomplishment, innocense (it was written in the early 1800's), to follow the mews of poetry, but the problem is I'm just not a very good hoffman, especially if what happened with my phd is true.

I'm stuck with wanting something and no idea how to get it or what I should do, and sitting and thinking happy thoughts just doesn't cut it anymore.

This is why I originally backedoff from this site in my dead end topic, since all being here and considdering recovery got me was feeling bitter, and that doesn't seem to have changed either.

I'm stuck needing something locked behind a door seaed with a pasword I can't understand (and believe me I've tried), and I'm sick of it. (Removed by ModTeam)

This also confirms why I shouldn't have returned to this site, I appologise for my mistake.


If you feel like a failure in any area of your life then you are in need of forgiveness, i apologize if my post came of snobbish, i understand your struggles.
I know why you say what you say.
It's so hard to be understood,it is even harder for us to accept love.
I love poetry as well, for a while i think it was one of the few things that sustained me throughout..
Anything i find on how to mend a broken sexuality i will post, albeit i will be more sensitive in contextualizing it better next time.
Cheers DarkE.


Edited by justplainme (02/03/14 12:43 PM)
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

Top
#460068 - 02/03/14 03:11 PM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
dear dark empathy,

you could take a step toward healing and connection by simply accepting and receiving the love from your brothers here at ms.org.

i love you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460101 - 02/04/14 07:34 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
I am genuinely sorry to everyone here. I certainly didn't intend to personally attack anyone, or indeed write anything that the mod team would need to remove.

I now very much see that my returning here was a mistake and my initial dead end decision was correct, since I feel I've gone as far as I can on this site and by personal discovery and contemplation, and just ended up frustrated and feeling as if I've got no where, however this is no justification for me to take my frustration out on those with different journies and circumstances.

I apprciate everyone's thoughts and effort,s and I am genuiney sorry.

I won't say you won't see me again, but unless I have anything in my journey I do promise I won't clog up this forum again.

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#460107 - 02/04/14 10:33 AM Re: Characteristics of Sexually healthy Adults [Re: justplainme]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
Dark Empathy,

I need you here. Please don't leave.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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