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#459684 - 01/29/14 11:18 AM Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

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#459686 - 01/29/14 11:43 AM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
Zero Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 48
Loc: Tennessee
[This user has left the site, post deleted]


Edited by Zero (04/26/15 11:16 PM)

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#459687 - 01/29/14 11:58 AM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 975
Loc: southern California
Notsure,

He keeps coming to take from you because you give him what he wants every single time. "No" should mean "no," but you've made it clear to him that you don't mean it when you say, "No."

Read your own post as if someone else wrote it; you will see what you need to do. You're not trapped; you're baiting him.

There is a vast difference between flattery and stalking.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#459691 - 01/29/14 12:08 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

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#459694 - 01/29/14 12:21 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
Do you plan on writing about his thoughts and feelings, things he shared with you about abuse and the effects?

I think lots of men who were abused are afraid our SO will "use" or disclosures against us and why some don't open up.

Is it that important to "use" this relationship in your work? If you care/cared for him "now that your broken up" you would consider keeping his confidence and not use his abuse for personal gain. Even if a name is changed, anybody who knows you two could figure it out.

Consider the fact he wanted you to sign a confidentiality agreement, meaning he's asking you NOT to disclose his story, the one thing all survivors should have total control over.
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#459699 - 01/29/14 01:20 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
I planned on writing it more from my POV. What it's like to be with someone who is addicted to porn, dating someone who has been abused and my own codependency.

Its tricky b/c I'm a memoirist and sex writer. That's all I write about. I suppose I really just have to come from my heart and not from a place of vengeance. And change all the identifying details.

It would be so much easier if he just weren't so mean. Telling me about the date... Ugh that was like being stabbed in face. The face, the heart, and the back.

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#459703 - 01/29/14 02:46 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
.


Edited by Castle (05/16/15 08:57 PM)
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#459707 - 01/29/14 03:12 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 785
Loc: NJ
NotSure - Go ahead and write, write and write - but don't publish and don't share. I am with the boys here - for every time a SO discloses what is not theirs to disclose, a survivor hurts and so does his wife or SO.

Beyond that, I agree with the boundaries. Don't say LEAVE ME ALONE when you mean come to me. Don't say NO when you mean yes. It's the fastest track to destroying your own personal worth and self esteem.

And I think more than just reading your posts, try to imagine that your child wrote them. What would you say to your child? This is madness. You are living a surreal reality - one in which you will get hurt. Extract yourself. Value yourself. Give yourself what you deserve. This game is the exact opposite of healthy.


Edited by Esposa (01/29/14 03:12 PM)

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#459713 - 01/29/14 04:14 PM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

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#459762 - 01/30/14 10:04 AM Re: Broken Up and Now He's Messing With Me [Re: NotSure]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Writing of anything on here is a bit of betrayal.

Exactly what so many men fear! Having their story told against their will!

Emotional rape!

Just another perp at that point...... Seriously evil karma awaits.
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