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#459748 - 01/30/14 01:32 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Lancer
Yeah, wouldn't it be nice if I had a job, a health plan, etc. Golly, I could see a doc, find a qualified T. Screw it. As one jackass T said to me years ago when I shared my pain, "Oh well." (too bad)

Only thing that helped today was that I dumped a client's low-pay advert/promotion project (logo, media kit, program, magazine adverts). Very early on, so won't affect him and I deleted the entire folder. Glad I'm out of it. Too tired to fight any more. Screw advertising. Doesn't matter I've garnered three advertising awards the past seven years, the market wants a youngster - skills optional - who will work for nothing.

Fuck it. I don't see the point.


wow, lancer, that is exactly the same problem i am having in my life and in my career in the "production" "promotion" "advertisement" "entertainment" industry.

i am hardly even working part-time anymore.
it feels like i have been put out to pasture at the ripe old age of 53.

the employers and clients would much rather hire inexpensive inexperienced people.

this is, indeed, very frustrating, humiliating, infuriating, and demoralizing.

i take great comfort from affirmations and inspirations such as these.
i will share them with you.


"I will be conquered, I will not capitulate."      ~ Samuel Johnson

"In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed."
     ~ William Henley

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
     ~ Winston Churchill

"Instead of having the rug pulled from under your feet,
learn to dance on a shifting carpet."
     ~ Thomas Crum

“When you get to the end of your rope.
Tie a knot and hang on.”
     ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.”
     ~ Mario Fernández

wishing you all the best.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#459749 - 01/30/14 02:08 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Funny that a lot of you have mentioned "hope". The only thing "hope" ever did for me was put me back in the same, sick cycle, setting me up for another round of humiliation and failure.

No, I'm not what I want to be. Nor apparently, as years of this shit have taught me (when am I gonna get it?), am I even capable of it.



Edited by Lancer (01/30/14 02:46 AM)

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#459754 - 01/30/14 05:10 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
The artist only has to create one masterpiece, himself, constantly.
     ~ Yves Klein

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.
     ~ Henry Ford
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#459779 - 01/30/14 01:18 PM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
Truart Offline


Registered: 01/25/14
Posts: 14
"So, screw it. I wish I had the inclination for booze or drugs. I don't. People would probably then be inclined to help. (The "helpers" in my history have been completely mystified I'm so screwed up and NOT an alkie or addict...they can't pigeonhole me)."

That's so true. If you seem normal on the surface no one gives a shit. Doesn't matter if you feel worse than the alcoholic who is puking in the gutter outside the pub. It isn't visual. Feeling bad doesn't count for shit, what they can't see doesn't exist.

Your post is filled with so much pain and I know there's nothing I can write to make it better. No matter who you are, you deserve a better life than this.

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#459780 - 01/30/14 01:22 PM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 285
Loc: MO
What help can I be to you? At 56 I had to give up any hope of getting a job, and accepted my disabilities.

I can understand the disspair (hell I can't even spell anymore.)

It is so difficult to live with loss. It is worse to face a new loss when I haven't learned to cope with the losses I already had.

The are good quotes and helpful hints for hope in all the advise and support that has been offered. For myself, all I can offer is to cherish the little things in life, a shower when it is a struggle to even get out of bed, a bird trilling on a branch, a smile from a stranger, this place where you are safe to share your losses and hopelessness.

We all have different stories and we all are just the same.

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#459788 - 01/30/14 03:41 PM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1096
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Lancer
I debated over the past week whether to even post this.


Hi Lancer. Well, I am glad you decided to post this and I hope you continue to keep posting these types of thoughts and feelings as much as you need to. If you are suffering, it is best not to be suffering in silence. I don't have any advice to give you but I will say that I think, at times like these, it's ok to do whatever you need to do to give yourself a little comfort. If smoking cigarettes is it, fine. I wish you had something you could fall back on that didn't make your health problems worse but if you don't that's ok. I certainly can't criticize you for it.

I know you say you don't hold any hope for yourself and I'm sorry to hear you say that but, as someone who holds little to no hope for his own life, I understand. If you can't have any hope for yourself then know that at least others out there, myself included, hold some for you. I know that doesn't do anything to improve your situation but at least maybe it helps to know. If not, I am sorry, but I am hoping for you. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#459815 - 01/31/14 08:01 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thx Ken.

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#459818 - 01/31/14 08:27 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 281
“Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape.”
— William S. Burroughs
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#459829 - 01/31/14 11:22 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
how are you today, Lancer?

is the mood improving?

i really hope you are feeling better.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

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Poetry

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#459903 - 02/01/14 07:56 AM Re: I Give Up [Re: Lancer]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Lee.

I want to say something comforting, but I've just got no comfort in me today. Life is a bastard, that is how it is, however this is the point when rationality is needed.

Right now my perception is bloody awful! I feel older than hell, uggly as sin, as if I've wasted most of my life and bloody pissed off with pretty much everyone else since it seems everyone has such an easy time. Yes, I know there are probably people starving in Africa or being tortured in Prisons in various countries, but at the moment my thought is well bully for you! being told about how painful a broken spine is doesn't make your broken leg any less painful. Indeed, I'm sort of wondering if when he was burned at the stake Thomas More wasn't thinking "well at least they didn't skin me"

So no, misery poker is not a good game, ---- for example at the moment being able to have a car of any sort and not rely on taxies or trains (and not busses since they's no way to tell where the sodding things stop), heck, it'd be nice to be able to stand on a stool and change a light bulb and not have balance so cruddy I end up falling off and bashing my shin! in the same way, I imagine you probably laugh at the idea of someone who is thirty, looks slightly younger feeling as if he's past everything.

So, lets not play misery poker.

Rather, one thing I do recognize is that this is a state of perception coloured by my current emotions. I am not a good judge of myself, my appearence or my life, or even my abilities. This perception is just a cloud, it covers the sky, often for long periods, but it is not! itself any thicker than dust and I know if I wait long enough it will change, simply because that is part of being human.

I personally don't recommend hope, hope is just sunshine as transient as cloud, I'd recommend simply aiting, which is the hardest thing to do, focus on the present, forget the future and take steps to cope with the present as best you can.

that is what I'm trying to do myself at the moment, just tread water until something turns up, because even if it is just something that makes me smile in startrek, my dog Reever or just watching the dawn, something usually does.

I'm sorry if that doesn't help much, as I said I'm not really in a comforting frame of mind today but I did want to offer something even if it is just my usual advise about persistant, ---- hay even with advise I'm persistant! laugh.

Luke.

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