hej Victor. First wanted to send you a pm, but then i realized this is for all to read..
just want to thank you for your replies on the topic. Has been a major issue for me and if i remember correctly, its an issue for you too..
i guess i no longer want to quit. I read a book on how to overcome addictions and i must say this time (2nd time im reading it) it actually makes sense.
The book describes our first rejection by our parents (when we were children, long before the abuse in most cases) being the cause of a negative belief which can carry deep into adulthood. My guess is that survivors somehow have this negative belief covered up even more than most adults.
I hope you dont mind me just ranting some thoughts
I'm in the middle of an interesting process. Since september i've started studying buddhism with a study group and i must say i'm really beginning to appreciate buddhism as an aid to deal with all the anxiety and stress of everyday life.
Some parts - mainly the deeper teachings - are somehow confusing me. It has a lot to do with having no real fixed permanent self. My old me thought this meant that i shouldnt exist (aint that similiar to the negative belief not being good enough, which i know all too well)..
So to come back to the book, the writer states that its our running from seeing our negative belief that makes us run into our addictions. But in my case, smoking MJ didnt really change the situation, it just prolonged the dull and numb feelings i was used to. To quit, the writer says, you just need to face your core negative belief. A good way is to say it aloud in front of the mirror. The absurdity of the childhood belief can then be seen for what it is: an illusion
So i'm in the middle of letting go.. so this brings me back to your reply. Yes! I am worth it! I just need to realize I never needed anything in the first place..
Thank you and take care!