1) are there examples of men here where their spouse (or girlfriend) knows of the men's conflicting feelings w/ SSA?
2) are there examples where the wife (or girlfriend) was compassionate, understanding and supportive
- this is less about some fantasy "free pass" to explore
- this is all about just basic intimacy and the freedom for the man to share his feelings w/out being cut-off in mid-sentence, shamed or scorned or worse
3) i feel terrified (not necessarily ashamed) when those body memories and attractions hit me.
- terrified in a "little boy" perspective of the conflict of
* the body excitement & learning to perform well vs
* knowing i had to keep the secret
- terrified of losing my wife and family
- terrified of reaction of others (bc i should've know better)
- terrified of hurting people i love
4) i feel confused very vulnerable; its an unsolvable puzzle
- knowing the SSA feelings usually happen when i am under stress and feel helpless
- knowing that when i am happy and feel safe, i LOVE being w/ my wife & sex w/ her is intimate and fun
- knowing that i never go around considering the men i see in everyday life
- knowing that i am scared of men and have no male friends in real life.
5) mostly i am tired and very sad about having to carry this all by myself,
- my wife gets grossed out and so angry (towards abuser & church, not me)
- that i make the choice to keep almost all of my feelings to myself.
- having the freedom to share (w/out backlash) my fears and concerns seems like yet another thing i don't get to experience.
6) i totally understand that this subject would raise a lot of fears and reactions in a spouse,
- but i have not cheated on her and i don't even want to cheat
- i don't have any strong urges to do anything in real life to fight against when the SSA memories and thoughts occur
- in fact i guess the whole point is i wish i didn't have to hide my feelings of being confused and scared.
7) maybe this is bc i am facing a career layoff and i have to interview for
- doing the same work which at times is triggering for me (with a new company) vs.
- step into the great unknown and try for another job which makes less money, but might be more agreeable with me
- and so i feel torn and helpless; having to make a career choice between something i know, but don't like and something i don't know, but might like
8) no matter where i may be on the kinsey scale at any given time, i still have debts to pay while trying to eeek out some joy in life.
- regardless of what would happen in my mind or in a real life bedroom, i am responsible for debts, and for my family's wellbeing
- so sometimes the SSA thing seems irrelevant and stupid bc it feels like earning money to pay debts & keeping a roof over our heads, matters way, way more
9) i just wish I could share what is going on in my body, heart & mind;
- and my wife could understand and support me the way i support her when she is upset.
- i compassionately listen and accept her for wherever she's at.
10) i go months between visits to this site bc
- i don't have a lot of private time
- sometimes i get the shakes coming here bc
- it makes me have to acknowledge that i was hurt and
- i need help w/ healing from some overwhelming feelings
- yes, i'm in therapy
Edited by Cal20012 (01/26/14 07:36 PM)