Newest Members
ShinTensei, jaklumen, Bennett, 0128, jeremywickers
12505 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Drea (31), gpdno (47), serb guy (49), Thomas8221 (60), UncleClover (43)
Who's Online
2 registered (Daryl X., 1 invisible), 23 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12505 Members
74 Forums
64196 Topics
447994 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#459442 - 01/26/14 02:55 PM Taking and giving
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 291
Loc: Western Europe
A great way to deal with your suffering is using as fuel to deal with your ego. Tonglen is a way of dealing with it. I found this article very helpful! It might be of some help to u too..

The story:
In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.

In particular, to care about other people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean —you name it— to have compassion and to care for these people, means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one's whole attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one's heart and allow oneself to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify us and make us far more loving and kind.

The tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem
to be.

We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy or whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other's pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment.

At that point you can change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what you are feeling and for millions of others just like you who at that very moment of time are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can't name what you're feeling. But you can feel it —a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe in, take it in —for all of us and send out relief to all of us.

People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we've tried so hard to create around ourselves. In Buddhist language one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego.

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

Top
#459446 - 01/26/14 04:10 PM Re: Taking and giving [Re: OCN]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3602
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: OCN
People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together.


this is true of great spiritual messages.
they are so often counter-intuitive.
i never want to believe and accept them,
although i know they are true.
the initial reaction is always the desire to hang on to customary bad habits.
the desire for improvement can be overridden by fear or discomfort.
it seems i would rather resist repairs than risk reinjury.

every great epiphany of any value that i have ever had the privilege and good fortune to discover has "gone against my grain".



_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#459497 - 01/27/14 08:32 AM Re: Taking and giving [Re: victor-victim]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 291
Loc: Western Europe
Originally Posted By: victor-victim
Originally Posted By: OCN
People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together.


this is true of great spiritual messages.
they are so often counter-intuitive.
i never want to believe and accept them,
although i know they are true.
the initial reaction is always the desire to hang on to customary bad habits.
the desire for improvement can be overridden by fear or discomfort.
it seems i would rather resist repairs than risk reinjury.

every great epiphany of any value that i have ever had the privilege and good fortune to discover has "gone against my grain".

Jeah same here..

The whole idea of just letting the suffering come in and not defending myself or running away.. sounds beserk. And yet.. all the things i have done, didnt work. So i know that i have to turn around 180 degrees. Just stand and watch..

this practice is one of those ways to turn around. I'm just not that happy to have to see through my illusions yet again.. But as long as they are undetected, they still have control over me.. so guess the only way is through it

thnx for your reply victor!
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

Top
#459515 - 01/27/14 02:19 PM Re: Taking and giving [Re: OCN]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3602
Loc: O Kanada
Quote:
I'm just not that happy to have to see through my illusions yet again.. But as long as they are undetected, they still have control over me.. so guess the only way is through it



wow. i could have written that myself.

same issues here.
it would seem that i have this fantasy that my condition will not degrade and that i can find some sort of comfortable compromise with my negative behaviours and thoughts.
a stable state that will never spiral out of control.
a truce or treaty with the "me" i don't wanna be.

over fifty years, this has been proven 100% false, by experiment and experience.
it is impossible to maintain a stable level of dysfunction.
either i am actively engaging it with directed effort, or it is slowly and or suddenly dragging me down.
i must be in a constant struggle for self improvement, self examination, and self awareness,
and i can never simply say "this is it, i am good now".
that is when the trouble starts.

my only effective defense has been aggressive offence and due diligence.
i can't flee and i can't get free from the gravity of negativity,
so i must fight or fall.
i can't make peace with the enemy within me.
he cannot be trusted.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.