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#459344 - 01/24/14 10:30 PM story about me
Andrew3172 Offline


Registered: 01/23/14
Posts: 11
"Trigger warning"
Hi my name is andrew
I am a survivor of being sexually abused. I was abused from the age of 4 until I was an adult. I was sexually abused by men and by my mother. I was physically and mentally abused by my parents. I am finding it difficult to trust people all my life.i hate myself I just wanted to forget the pain and hurt I want to be free to be me .not a man in prison with chains .
A very good friend of mine encourage me to speak out about what happened to me. Please don't judge me for my story. Like I said in my outline of my story .I was sexually abused by a man at the age of four years old I can't remember the details of the abuse. I just remember being scared of my bedroom and men .I started wearing my clothes to

I struggled with the knowledge that my father sexually abused me I have really really struggled with this to the point of breaking point .I don't know any more how I and get over this huge betrayal from the one's that were to protect me. Argh! !!!!!

"Trigger warning"
Hi just wanted to update my story I found it very very challenging to be able too write more about my story.in the last couple of weeks I hit a brick wall snd it floored me yo the ground I kept getting bad dreams about a farm. I had a flashback and I remembered what happened there that my father sexually abused me I cried big time.the amount of emotions that overwhelmed me was nearly too much for me to bear. I felt crushed by the pain that I was going through. I kept asking why me and why was I born.
Bed. I was always in trouble for wearing my yard clothes to bed .I didn't feel safe. Years passed and I was 10 when my cousin and his friend forced me to give them head job and they both raped me I had blood and cum running down my legs an hour later they raped me again. I didn't understand why they did this this happened again by my cousin st his place.my cousin was 7yrs order than me . around the same time I went to scouts where the leader was molesting me every time I was there. I tried telling my parents but they didn't believe me .I got flogged for lying.
The years that followed I was molested by more men.one was a minister of my church he had a thing for good looking boys.i was always in his office naked from the waist down he liked sitting his boys on his lap as he dick got hard . sorry this is still so real for me it was like it was yesterday. He always said don't tell dont you tell andrew I'll make your family pay for it if you do.i was scared stiff.i had a erection because of fear not because of pleasure. This abuse went on for three years. When I turned 12 my mom sexually abused me because I looked like my dad. After she did this she whipped me until my body was black and blue. I I wasn't safe anywhere. I guess I gave into the abuse and detached myself from what was happening to my body..when the men had finished getting thier rocks off I would scrub myself in the bathroom until my skin bled. I used to steal my sisters pads to wear so it would catch the blood .we moved to the country that was great for me not as much abuse so I thought. Sometimes I swore that I had a blue bright light saying abuse this boy .I reached high school come summer winter I wore neck to feet clothing the more layers the better. I wanted to be ugly so men didnt crack onto me. This worked for a while .I never used public toilets .I be always in fight mode always looking for a way to escape. I turned 17am and all was well in my life until my twin raped me I had no where to go he had pinned me face down on my bed and did his thing up my arse .After this happened I left home and stayed with friends. That took a lot out of me writing this down . I am trying hard to find peace where I feel no peace. I am guttered my heart is breaking in pain.I am trying to remain strong and together I can't see away out .





bed. Because I was soooo scared that someone would come into my bed.i was





Edited by Andrew3172 (02/13/14 01:43 AM)

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#459346 - 01/24/14 11:09 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1490
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Andrew3172
...I want to be free to be me, not a man in prison with chains....

Dear Andrew,

Your post was short, but it said EVERYTHING. Welcome to MS. Your desire for freedom is shared by nearly 12,000 men here. We don't have all the answers, but we all have this common experience that has twisted our lives in so many ways. This is as safe a place as can possibly be to talk about it without judgement or condemnation. You've made a good start.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#459412 - 01/25/14 11:09 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
Andrew3172 Offline


Registered: 01/23/14
Posts: 11
Thank you jude .I did just a very brief outline because I am still very very scared of sharing too much of my life story. Sorry about that .

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#459415 - 01/25/14 11:35 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3144
Loc: O Kanada
the truth will set you free.
by reaching out, and being honest
you have taken the all important first step in your journey to self discovery, recovery, and liberty.

congratulations and welcome.

my heart goes out to you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#459496 - 01/27/14 08:21 AM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
Andrew3172 Offline


Registered: 01/23/14
Posts: 11
Thanks victor it has just taken a long time to get to this stage man

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#459512 - 01/27/14 01:22 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 315
Loc: Iowa, USA
Andrew,

I'm sorry for what happened to you and I'm glad you found MS. No one will judge you for what happened. Here you will find support and caring. You've already taken the hardest step, which is to reach out for help. Your story is yours, but you will find a lot of guys who can relate to what you've said. I wish you the best. Good luck

Dave

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#459517 - 01/27/14 02:34 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3144
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Andrew3172
Thanks victor it has just taken a long time to get to this stage man


All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.
- William Shakespeare
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#459523 - 01/27/14 03:16 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
Andrew3172 Offline


Registered: 01/23/14
Posts: 11
Thanks dave I fo appreciate your comments man.

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#459542 - 01/27/14 06:26 PM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Thanks for sharing your story Andrew..

I really feel bad reading what you've had to go through.. What a lot of damage to a child

And yet, luckily here you are! You've made such an important step. You deserve the best of help and support!

Thank you for taking such a brave step to tell all this!
I really wish you well!!

Take care Andrew! You've done great!

Pieter
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#459570 - 01/28/14 01:28 AM Re: story about me [Re: Andrew3172]
Andrew3172 Offline


Registered: 01/23/14
Posts: 11
Thanks man it took a lot for me to share but I feel a lot better for sharing my story thanks pieter

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