...I want to be free to be me, not a man in prison with chains....
Your post was short, but it said EVERYTHING. Welcome to MS. Your desire for freedom is shared by nearly 12,000 men here. We don't have all the answers, but we all have this common experience that has twisted our lives in so many ways. This is as safe a place as can possibly be to talk about it without judgement or condemnation. You've made a good start.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell