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#459220 - 01/22/14 10:58 PM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 154
Loc: Virginia
Keith,

YOU SO ROCK!

But to CafeMan's question, would I make the molestations and other negative things un-happen if I could? Absolutely. However, they're being relegated to the place in my life where they belong: a part of my history that can't be erased but also can't hurt me any more.

I've learned some really important lessons in the course of dealing with all this-- far, far too many to list here. I suppose if I can share what I've learned with others who might be a step or two behind me (while continuing to learn from those who are ahead of me,) I can make all these lemons into some serious lemonade.

Bob
_________________________
Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#459221 - 01/22/14 11:18 PM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 55
Not everything in life turns out positive. That night in 1961 is as clear to me as the day JFK died, the day the Challenger blew up, 9/11, and pictures of dead children in Syria. Give me the Magic Pill. Give me the whole bottle.

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#459229 - 01/23/14 04:51 AM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: alone]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
Alone,
You're not alone on this one, brother.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#459299 - 01/24/14 01:14 AM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
ScottSmith Offline


Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 26
Loc: CA desert
When do i get to take this pill, today, tomorrow, or maybe later on life?
Maybe when something else negative happens to me.
Do i get to keep on taking this magic pill every time life throws me crap?

I love how we claim if only this abuse didn't happen, we would be practically perfect in every way.
Life is life, everyone is given obstacles and challenges every day.
It's up to us to figure out who we are and to love ourselves right now.
With or without the abuse.

I am not happy about my csa but it did develop who i am today.
I am grateful for who i am.
I still have my sight, my hearing, all my toes and fingers.
Some people have it worse than us just look around.
I try not to let my csa define who i am.
Now i have choices and learned tools to help me.
Pill or no pill.

Would i take this magic eraser pill, probably not.
I wouldn't want to forget any portion of my past that made me who i am today.
A work in progress, learning to love myself, accept who i am, and to be o.k with who i am right now.
_________________________
Scott
"You can always hear the laughter but seldom hear a tear fall."
Keith Johnstone

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#459301 - 01/24/14 01:42 AM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1399
Loc: California
I wish I could take a pill to erase all of this.

I'm unable to connect with people, unable to make friends. I'm lonely. I'm depressed. I've never had a romantic relationship and never been in love.

A magic pill to RESET all this and start over with these basic fundamental skills to simply make a life worth living.

Yes please. Where do I sign up?
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#459309 - 01/24/14 03:14 AM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Definitely sign me up for the pill when it comes on the market.

Especially since August, the flavor of my depression has changed from in-the-depths lows to a kind of calm resignation. As a buddy observed about me, "There's no joy in your life." True. And, since I can't see anything hopeful, I don't really care.

No longer is it that gut-wrenching pain of acknowledging the abuses. It happened. The people involved didn't care. It fucked me up permanently. No one else really cares. Not much I've tried over the years has made much of a difference.

And I feel resigned to live out my remaining years having not achieved the things of which I intuitively knew I was otherwise capable.

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#459321 - 01/24/14 11:21 AM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1399
Loc: California
"And I feel resigned to live out my remaining years having not achieved the things of which I intuitively knew I was otherwise capable."

I'm just NOW beginning to wake up to what I could have been able to achieve. I feel such a kinship to the likes of Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, and Elon Musk. I could have been so great.

No. Mom's neglect destroyed all that potential. Her outrageous arrogance and self centeredness set me up for abuse, and the rest is "history".
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#459451 - 01/26/14 05:00 PM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
Thought it might be interesting to see the tally so far, as I understand it (and please forgive and correct me if I miscategorized anyone). In any case, I find remarkable that it is essentially an even split...

11 suggest at least an inclination not to take the magic pill:

CafeMan
North51
Eirik
DaveoSwim
Jude
Rich1967
ThisMan
EverFixedMark
Grant/1LifeNow
KMCINVA
ScottSmith

10 suggest at least an inclination to take the magic pill:

Sven
Dan99
Magellan
Bey
Ken/BraveFalcon
Lee/Traveler
Keith
Bob/GettingStronger
Alone
Lancer

I have had a chance to give this question additional thought, to explore why the question is so unsettling to me.

My molestation was a magic pill. It was a lure to false promise. It fooled my judgement. It tricked my nascent sexuality into confusion and my very identity into self-doubt. It was ultimately an illusion that I bought into by following a false mentor and believing the lies my own body told me.

Still, the toughest thing I had to reconcile in saying that I would not take the magic pill is that it meant I took ownership of what was done to me. The semantics are important - not responsibility - but ownership. And that feeds deeply into unresolved doubts, the strong memories that I first learned to accept it, and then to respond to it, and then to embrace it, before I eventually ran away from it. Maybe I had no choice then. But the magic pill asks to me to make a choice now. Has anyone who answered as I did to the magic pill question wrestled with this?

Whatever it makes me, I still would not take the pill. I think that answer comes from understanding myself as I have over the years. If this ultimately makes me the man I am supposed to be, then I am certain that man will be better than the man I would otherwise have become from an easier life. Child sexual abuse is a crime at every level. It steals the soul and amputates our childhoods. It makes us damaged men. And it is from those depths that have come the type of men who transcend even the mediocre among us.

For me, even a wish to take the pill is a distraction into fantasy, a feel-good placebo which entices me to surrender ownership of my destiny. I did that once when I was twelve. The magic pill would threaten to have me trade for a mere wish all the potential forged from the pains of my past.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#459459 - 01/26/14 06:15 PM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: Chase Eric]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric

Still, the toughest thing I had to reconcile in saying that I would not take the magic pill is that it meant I took ownership of what was done to me. The semantics are important - not responsibility - but ownership. And that feeds deeply into unresolved doubts, the strong memories that I first learned to accept it, and then to respond to it, and then to embrace it, before I eventually ran away from it. Maybe I had no choice then. But the magic pill asks to me to make a choice now. Has anyone who answered as I did to the magic pill question wrestled with this?


I don't know if I can think that deeply smile

By owenership do you mean that you don't live in denial of what happened to you and how it affected you. That from the ashes you emerged stronger. Then yeah I did think about it but I didn't struggle with it. I guess I just can't phathom doing it any differently.

Maybe I misunderstood your question too. smile
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#459469 - 01/26/14 08:43 PM Re: Would You Take the Magic Pill [Re: CafeMan]
johnb11 Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: Europe
I would take the Magic Pill. It means that all the consequences of my abuse to myself and those around me would not have happened.
There was a magic pill. I imagine if my parents had been able to see there was something wrong, they could have done something to give me the care I deserved and i could have healed before i matured.
I would have faced other challenges to help me become stronger. People get hurt by abuse, the perpetrators abuse more if they are not caught in time, the sooner that 'magic pill' in whatever form it comes, is taken, the better.
There are other less destructive ways to become sensitive to others pain than having to hide the wounds and endure years of confusion.
_________________________
To my brothers here, and to remind me:
I am NOT alone.
I was NOT responsible
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=...e=1&theater

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