Since I was abused by my mother - both physically and emotionally, I am really confused. I have no idea how a natural, non-sexual mother-son relationship should look like. I was more a partner to her than a son, so it is safe to say, that I didn't have a mother - she was more like a partner to me, but of course, I didn't understand this as a small kid...
I was also "pretty". I thought, that this is the reason why she is always touching me in this sleazy way, why she always goes into my bed in the evening and why she bathes me in a very strange way. So I did my best to be ugly. I developed skin problems, I became really fat, but it didn'ty stop the abuse...
As for my sexuality - I'm really very confused. It took me a long time to start figuring things out and I've only begun to scratch the surface. The problem is that most af the abuse was hidden, covert, so I have only slowly begun to undestand that our relationship was not normal, that it affected me deeply on all levels. A haven't seen my mother for 2 years (thanks God!) and I'm not sure how I would talk to her if I would see her. I can't treat her as my partner, but I can't treat her as a mother either - because we have never developed a healthy mother - son relationship.
Have a nice day FB. I wish you all the best on your journey of recovery
Out of the dark, into the light.