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#45845 - 02/20/03 09:19 PM Re: Speaking out
cog Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 42
Chey-wy: I am sorry, that I cannot answer your question. I don't know how to. Both of the events: the betrayal and the sexual abuse are interlinked, and I can't separate them to give a cohesive answer. I can't imagine (nor do I want to try) anything worse.


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#45846 - 02/20/03 09:38 PM Re: Speaking out
cog Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 42
I am deeply touched by the sentiment expressed here. It made me cry. I feel goodness in each of you.
From the depth of my being, I thank you.


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#45847 - 02/20/03 11:27 PM Re: Speaking out
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Gunnar,

What an awesome powerful story of going thru the valley of the shadow of death to the top of the mountain. Thank you for sharing.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#45848 - 02/21/03 01:49 AM Re: Speaking out
Lightfang Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/00
Posts: 102
Loc: Minnesota
cog,
I didn't read all the replies to your post. But I am sure they were good and supportive. I am so happy to see that you are doing better.

Great Job,

George

_________________________
"Please love and protect all children, they are the future of us all!!"

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#45849 - 02/21/03 07:52 AM Re: Speaking out
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
Seaotter; WOW!! Shit dude that story ruled! It was So powerful!! Shit!!

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#45850 - 02/21/03 01:02 PM Re: Speaking out
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
having just taken the first step into the freedom otter speaks of, i have a few things that i feel i can add. it is hard to believe, but i found myself holding on to the prison he speaks of. after so many years in it i had become institutionalized, and as i stood at the threshold, ready to take that first step, i held on to the doorframe. the most frightening thing in the world was letting go, and stepping off into a free and bright world. as painful as the darkness was, it was familiar and comfortable. i was used to being isolated, and having the world shut off separate from me. staying inside seemed easier than trusting that i would be alright out there in the light with the rest of the world. i just knew my wife would run away, and leave me to crash to the ground. i just knew everything would go wrong, because it always had.

to step off that threshold was the most frightening thing i have ever done. i had to lay it out there for everyone to see, or at least those closest too me. i had to leave the prison of lies and secretes behind, and i could never duck back inside. once released, it would always be released, this monster of abuse and rape.

i cannot even describe how it feels now that she knows everything. it is like the weight of the world has been removed, and she stayed right there with open arms to catch me. God, why did i wait so long to come out with it?

in silence, HE owned me, he won every morning i got out of bed. He raped me again every time i kept it secrete from someone. now that i know freedom, i feel like i can finally start living again, and my world has come alive. our marriage is growing in leaps and bounds now, and i feel accepted and loved like i had always wanted.

i hope all of you can feel this even if it is just for a short time. i know more troubles await me, but if i return to prison, i will have to reconstruct the walls that i tore down, and i will only have myself to blame. but now that i know what both sides are like, i seriously doubt i will be going back in.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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