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#458453 - 01/11/14 06:13 AM I'm Leaving My Family
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
It's about to happen.

My flight's in six hours, and I'm going to be making my way to the airport now. My family thinks I'm off to meet some friends. I'm bringing my laptop, some favorite books of mine, and my iPod. I hear them in the background, talking about what to cook for dinner tonight.

The last few days have been really hard on me. There were moments when I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. I got hardly any sleep last night. Every smile I saw - on my mother's face, on my father's and grandmother's - had the effect of making me feel like someone was stabbing me in the heart with a dagger. But I have to do it, for me.

Many of you have given me support during the last few weeks to make this happen. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I've dreamed of this moment for about five years. It's taken five long years, of many detours, moments of self-doubt and fuck-ups before I finally came to the moment where I set foot out of the house and forge my own path.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to break down at some point over the next few days. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm worried. But I'm also excited in anticipation of where this new adventure may lead me.

Peace everyone.
_________________________
Husky

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#458454 - 01/11/14 07:12 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 592

good luck.

be safe.

have a hug.

(((((Husky))))
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#458459 - 01/11/14 11:26 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Have a safe journey Husky!
Take the time you need now.. you deserve this!

Take care!

(((Husky)))
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#458461 - 01/11/14 11:34 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 749
Loc: michigan
((( husky)))
you have all that it takes to be you my friend. there is no failure really, just discovery. your fear must be intense but it is just fear of the unknown, that will pass quickly by definition because it will not be unknown anymore.
good luck bud
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#458463 - 01/11/14 12:02 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3321
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Husky -

Your best years are ahead of you. You know you need to do this to become more healthy and more the man you are meant to be. Don't look back - except to remember the lessons learned. And remember we are "with " you.

Proud of you!

Lee


Edited by traveler (01/11/14 12:02 PM)
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#458469 - 01/11/14 04:10 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3091
Loc: O Kanada
congratulations on taking the trip.
take courage.
bon voyage.
have a safe and pleasant journey.
vaya con dios.
send us a postcard smile
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458470 - 01/11/14 04:11 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Husky,

Your courage is inspiring and I know will help others to take the steps they need to move forward.

((((Husky))))

I am so proud and excited for you all at the same time. I am pulling for you like so many others here.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#458472 - 01/11/14 04:47 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
Husky, you're in our thoughts and we're routing for you!

HUGS
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#458473 - 01/11/14 04:49 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 262
We'll support you all the way
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#458475 - 01/11/14 05:39 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 214
Loc: California
Hey Husky,

You are taking a huge step. Not just in the act itself of striking off on your own. But, in doing something so specifically for yourself, for the benefit of yourself, and no one else. That is a tremendous thing to do.

I wish you the best in your new life away from the toxicity of your family. You are in my thoughts. Write anytime you need to talk if the road gets dark. We are all here to support you.

I'm rooting for you as you step into your own life, my friend.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#458481 - 01/11/14 08:34 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 695
Loc: Southeast USA
(((Husky)))

I've already replied to the PM you sent before your travel. I imagine the great fear of leaping into the unknown. Just think of the untold discovery that awaits you just for opening the door and stepping through it.

You'll be fine in time. This is for you, my friend, and I wish you all the luck and success you deserve.

Will

There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction. -Franz Kafka
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#458483 - 01/11/14 09:01 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL

Hello Husky. Wow, to call this a big step would be a massive understatement! The situation with your family is so toxic and if there is any way you can break away from it and make it on your own, congrats and good luck. You are a very strong and brave man. You may not always feel like it, but you are. Good luck with this and, when it gets hard, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. Stay strong, my friend. Peace,

Ken

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#458486 - 01/11/14 09:59 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1488
Loc: New England
Husky,

You deserve to have a life of your own choosing. While you can't leave behind your baggage, you can have a life where you call the shots and make the decisions without being judged. Good for you. Keep us informed.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#458488 - 01/11/14 10:15 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 148
Loc: Virginia
Hi Husky,

Congratulations! I know from experience how hard it can be to leave a really toxic family. Things in my family came to such a head at one point that I wrote them a four-page letter detailing what was wrong (codependency and other issues, not sexual abuse) and laying down boundaries as to what I would accept going forward. Their answer (also by letter) was to deny there was any problem at all, chastise me for being a bad son, and offer a lip-service, vague apology "if there were any misunderstandings."

I didn't talk to any of them for four and one-half years. They eventually came around, but it took THAT long, and longer still for me to eventually be able to trust them.

Sorry-- not trying to hijack. But I know what it's like, and I know the freedom you will be enjoying soon. We all need the right level of autonomy, and no one needs a toxic family. Good for you!

Bob

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#458493 - 01/12/14 12:23 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
But Husky when and how we will now be playing tennis if you are moving so far, lol?

Congratulation on this step. You are very brave and I'm absolutely sure that everything will be alright. Keep us updated!
I'll be thinking on you all this time smile
(((Husky))))

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#458495 - 01/12/14 12:28 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: peroperic2009]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Husky,

You're doing the right thing. There will be some pain at first but after that you'll start feeling better. You will feel a loneliness which you will need to fill with new relationships.

Puffer

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#458497 - 01/12/14 01:03 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Wow guys.

I just got off the plane and read all these comments. It's really overwhelming, I don't know what to say. Thanks so much for all of your support - it means a lot to me.
_________________________
Husky

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#458500 - 01/12/14 07:14 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
SayItRight Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 63
Husky:

Amazing news. Best of luck on the ground now with all that this new phase in life brings.

SayIt
_________________________



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#458508 - 01/12/14 10:03 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 596
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky. You are in my thoughts on your new day. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#458511 - 01/12/14 10:52 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
I hope your journal is electronic or I bet you would run out of paper soon!

I hope there are moments you are able to enjoy as you take these steps into your new life. So happy for you.

((((Husky))))
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

Top
#458512 - 01/12/14 12:45 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: Suwanee]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
Husky

Safe travels and healthy journey into becoming you.

Best wishes

Kevin

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#458516 - 01/12/14 03:14 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Man, I'm so proud of you taking this HUGE step. I think you'll be amazed at what life is like without the toxicity around you every damn moment.

Top
#458542 - 01/13/14 03:42 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 124
Loc: California
Good luck Husky. I checked in late, and you're maybe on your way already. I'm thinking of you and am proud for you.

GT

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#458680 - 01/15/14 08:29 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
Husky,

I wish you all the very best on the adventure you're on! Hopefully you'll drop by again soon and let us know how it's going when you get a chance. Good luck!
_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#458755 - 01/16/14 07:11 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Husky,
Oh, if only I would have had the courage to do what you're doing. 30 years ago my first therapist urged me to separate from the family I was born to. 5 years later another therapist urged me to do the same. 10 years later another therapist begged and pleaded for me to separate from them. 15 years... 20 years... only when they had exhausted my financial resources and re-victimized me did I finally reach a place where I had no choice but to separate. I really had no option. They became absolutely furious because I had taken away their power. Now that I am free from them I regret not having done it earlier in life.
Congratulations, brave eagle; fly high and proud!
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#458821 - 01/17/14 03:17 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 393
Loc: west coast
The courage to follow your heart is so hard, well done!

I know from a few pm's that you "couldn't" , hopefully that word has left your lexicon.

This is exactly the reason i come back (as one thread asked). To see men find that they do have the courage and character to go against the grain and incredible pressure to see that however they have to live their life, they can!

keep trusting yourself and again, well done.

I had to get away before i could make a bridge back to my family. Time and compassion is what you have to give. Now ironically our bonds are even stronger because they are forged in honesty.

All the best

grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#458822 - 01/17/14 03:17 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 393
Loc: west coast
You are a brave and real MAN




Edited by 1lifenow (01/17/14 05:27 PM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#458904 - 01/18/14 06:45 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Hey, Husky....let us know how you're doing!
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

Top
#458910 - 01/18/14 08:19 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
I want to know too.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#458945 - 01/19/14 04:33 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Hey guys,

Thanks for the support again.

The last week has been really tough - some obstacles, to say the least. Financial, immigration, etc. Not to mention emotional. I'm away from my parents physically now, but I've been having trouble reaching my end destination. My spirits are low because life's hurled so many obstacles at me this past week, but they're not broken. I'm still determined to get there, one way or another. It sometimes feels like this journey is destined to fail, but I'm giving fate the middle finger anyway and thinking up of plan Bs and Cs every time something goes wrong.

Will keep you guys posted. I hope I can come back to this thread some time soon to tell you guys, "I'm there." Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Disclosing abuse to an immigrations officer is not a good idea.


Edited by concerned_husky (01/19/14 04:37 PM)
Edit Reason: Added P.S.

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#458964 - 01/19/14 11:59 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Just checking in Husky. Hadn't realized immigration was also in the picture. Sheesh. fwiw, about the best I can offer you is that my thots are with you and I'm sending the best your way. In my book you're an absolute hero taking this step. Honestly, I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is for you. You've got about 11,000 of us behind you.

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#459239 - 01/23/14 07:19 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
A little update, guys.

Unfortunately it's not a good one. Pretty much everything that could've gone wrong did go wrong, and now I'm faced with the possibility of having to go back to my parents until July. I don't know what this means, or if there is any meaning behind all of this. I don't even know if there's meaning in life. I will try to do everything in my power to prevent this from happening, but my chances are slim. Given all that's happened so far, I don't know if I can endure another half a year with them.

My spirits aren't broken yet, but it's coming pretty close.

I hate to let you guys down. You guys have given me so much support and it means a lot to me. Like I said, I'll be doing everything I can. I hope I can give you guys a better update next time.
_________________________
Husky

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#459240 - 01/23/14 07:27 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3091
Loc: O Kanada
you have not let me down,

i am sorry to hear you have hit a wall.

don't get down.
i just wiped out my car today and spent the afternoon in the hospital.

dont' quit until you absolutely have no other option.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#459242 - 01/23/14 08:33 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3321
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Husky -

if there is no other option, you do what you have to do. don't regard it as a failure - but as a "trial run." I am sure you must have learned a great deal on this attempt - about what not to do and what might work better. keep looking to the future and plan your final escape well. in the mean time, I hope you can strengthen your boundaries and protect yourself. the family dynamics may have been changed by the fact that they realize now that you are serious about achieving independence.

stay strong and please keep in touch.

we believe in you!
lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#459408 - 01/25/14 09:49 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
A perceived "failure" is but a detour. You still have our support and we are there for you. Never forget your bravery and courage. We are all in this thing we call life together and it is never easy nor 100% hitchless- all kind of things can and do happen but we continue on our journey. Your dreams will come true.

You also mentioned that you didn't know what the meaning of life was, or if there was a meaning at all: life's meaning is different for every individual.

Sending you my HUGS and love.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#459409 - 01/25/14 10:24 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 148
Loc: Virginia
Hey Husky,

You haven't let anyone down. If this is what has to happen for a little while, so be it. Deep breaths, remember you're in control regardless of what they think, and you won't be there forever. Although it was hard, you've handled them before. I have no doubt you can handle them again.

Regardless of what happens, we're all here. You've got all sorts of people pulling for you. Don't forget that. Just do what you need to do and don't worry about anything else.

Bob

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#459429 - 01/26/14 08:45 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL

Hi Husky. You definitely haven't let me down. Life can be rough and throw you a lot of curve balls. If you have to resort to going back to your parents, you will survive it. Just take it one day at a time and keep in mind that it's a long life. You have a lot of time to regroup and plan your escape. Good luck. We're all on your side. Peace,

Ken

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#459430 - 01/26/14 08:57 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 262
I agree on the trial run traveler mentioned.
You're not a failure, you're doing the best you can and sometimes it doesn't work out. And that's ok.
Take care
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#459437 - 01/26/14 12:36 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
You are not letting anyone down. You were seeking something new in life. If you did not try you would not achieve. Taking the chance despite the outcome, gives you strength that you may not realize you have. Whatever the outcome, remember you tried, setbacks can give strength and life lessons. You have succeeded, just by taking the desire for a new life.

Stay strong and look at the positives of the experience--what you learned, what you saw and people you met.

Kevin

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#459453 - 01/26/14 05:27 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
I'll add to the chorus - you didn't let me down. You tried and that deserves a lot credit. If you don't try you will never succeed. You will be a stronger person for trying.

Hang in there and we'll all still be here for the second attempt.

((((Yos))))

We'll also be there to get you through living with the parents till you can try again.

Good luck!
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#459463 - 01/26/14 07:01 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
You didn't let me down either.

Follow your heart. Try, and try again. Failure is a part of success. Don't beat yourself up, rather, be pleased that you tried, and be even more pleased that you'll try again. You'll do it.

There's a reason why they made us read the book "The Little Engine that Could" as children. It's to teach us to keep trying.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#459618 - 01/28/14 06:44 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Guys,

Thanks so much for your kind words, all of you. It's...pretty incredible, the amount of support all of you have given me. Through everything, both the ups and the downs. I will really remember that. These past few days have been pretty turbulent as I've been preparing myself mentally for the upcoming stay at theirs. I have a lot of ideas in my head (things I can work on, things I can do when I'm stressed, etc.), but I'm really not sure how things are going to unfold. But like many of you guys have said, I'll be looking back at this as a "trial run", and I'll be thinking up of ways to ensure my escape for next time. If anything, the way they (my parents) have been treating me since has cemented my resolution to leave - and next time, I don't think it will be as difficult, since the little feelings I still had for them seem to be gone now. Sorry it's taken me a while to write back, but I read your posts everyday, they really do lift me up. Thank you guys.
_________________________
Husky

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#459636 - 01/28/14 09:58 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
We're thinking of you and behind you 100%
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#460045 - 02/03/14 09:08 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
It's Day 3 and I'm exhausted already.

I can't get myself to do anything at the moment except smoke and sleep or lie down and vegetate. I thought I could make the best use of this time in prison and try to study languages but it's proving difficult. It's hard to stay motivated to do anything at this point...

Hugs appreciated. frown
_________________________
Husky

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#460049 - 02/03/14 09:31 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
PM me any time with any shit you like. You know how that goes.

You also know my experience in "prison" and not being able to do a damn thing about it. To fill everyone else in, I'm referring to being a prisoner of a physically, verbally and emotionally abusive adopted mother because she won custody of me in the divorce when I was 5. A living hell the next 13 years with a break only 2-3 times a year to see Dad and experience what a completely safe, loving, normal home life was like. Back in prison, I cried myself to sleep most nights, right into adolescence.

Her perpetual abuse delivered me ready-made to my high school guidance counselor abuser who carried on with his goddamned power trip for almost a year.

The only survival experience I have from that time was closing the bedroom door and staying there, immersing myself in drawing or photos I'd taken at Dad's, or finding an excuse to go "home" as little as possible (sometimes that meant listening for hours at night to a radio station 500 miles away in Dad's city, my REAL home). And sometimes, as I re-experienced this past week, I didn't fight it. I just gave up and let the depression and despair wash over me. At least my bed felt safe.

You have my permission to veg, Husky. Put more eloquently, fuck it.

Frankly, a stuffed animal - imo doesn't matter how old you are - and a good cry worked/works well sometimes, too.

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#460050 - 02/03/14 09:33 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hello my friend, I as wondering how are you these days. Sorry to hear about your mood while being "there", must be exhausting frown
Here comes my warmest hug for you!

(((Husky)))
_________________________
My story

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#460075 - 02/03/14 06:16 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3321
Loc: somewhere in Africa
(((((((Husky)))))))

you still have a future. stay focused on that. do whatever you can to prepare for your final departure. try to keep your interaction with them as minimal as possible. if not possible to be physically distant, maybe you can emotionally distance yourself. hold on - your time will come. i remember how it was when i came home from college after the first year. at that time, i vowed - never again. and i made it happen. you can too.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#460076 - 02/03/14 07:32 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL

((((Husky))))

One day at a time brother. You'll get trough. Sorry things are so tough at the moment. Peace,

Ken

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#460079 - 02/03/14 07:47 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 415
Loc: USA
((((Husky)))))
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#460122 - 02/04/14 09:12 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
(((HUGS)))
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#465093 - 05/08/14 12:01 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
I never got to thank you guys for the hugs here so...thank you.

I'm finally getting around to working up the courage to escape again. I haven't given up. What this does mean though, is that I'll have to lie my way out of my parents' grasp again. If my past journals are any indication of the shape of things to come, it means that I'll be treated like a piece of shit for a while until I'm free. Shaming. Guilt tripping. Being ganged up on and pulled apart in different directions. Suppressing hatred. Lies piled upon lies and more lies. Interrogations. Insults. Criticisms. Devaluations. Name calling. Sudden outbursts of rage. The list is endless. Needless to say, I'm pretty scared. I have to survive a walk through emotional hell before I can get my freedom. I guess it's a price I'm willing to pay, but it won't be easy. I hope I come out in one piece. And even if I do, that's half the problem - the other half is not self destructing after I get my freedom and finding myself right back where I started. Deep breaths, I guess. Will be reading the support everyone's given me here in my previous attempt. It was a "dress rehearsal" I guess after all. Deep breaths.

It's hard to dream and hope again after you've been thwarted so many times, but it seems that's what I'll need to do to pull this off.
_________________________
Husky

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#465116 - 05/08/14 09:11 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 322
Loc: NY
Hey, Husky.

Your needs are understandable here. However, I wonder if rather than "escaping" from your situation, you might focus on the place you want to "go to".

Could you perhaps take your time, figure out a plan to be somewhere for a while where you have the support of some friends and where you can stabilize upon exiting?

Just a thought...

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#465182 - 05/10/14 09:22 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
FB, great advice. Self destructive behaviors don't just go away no matter how much you want them to. Ironically, they are probably the same behaviors that keep you alive while in active abuse situations. It does seem like the deck is stacked against us sometimes.

We are with you Husky all the way. Getting out of the active abusive situation you describe will be a good thing. As long as you have access to this site there will be many here who will help you as much as they can so don't hesitate to lean on us as much as you need to.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#465187 - 05/10/14 10:47 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 596
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
HI Husky,

Do you know what foiled your plans last time, and what you can do differently this time? I'm not asking for an answer, and not trying to invade whatever anonymity is important to you, but breaking a lifetime of dependency issues can be challenging. And from your posts it sounds as if you have been groomed for some time to be financially dependent on your family. Combine that with you having mentioned having a gambling addiction and I have concerns for you knowing how, on your own, to pull this off. Again, my purpose in this post is simply to be a pain in the ass voice of reality about such issues as: have you ever worked before, what will be your financial base, how will your finances be renewed, what kinds of support are available to you when you leave regarding access to therapy, gambler's anonymous, supportive friends (I'm not talking about partying friends) who know your situation and are mature enough to help you in making a bid for freedom. I want you to succeed. If that is to happen it seems to me your plan has to be carefully fleshed out.

Financial dependence can be very difficult to break, and you may have massive personal time bombs which will go off the second you leave, whose purpose is to undermine all efforts at independence. Of course, all of my questions come from my own frame of reference, and may not be particularly relevant to you. Again, I'm not asking for any answers.

Sending you love and support.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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