that all rings so totally true for me. it is EVERYTHING i wanted as a boy and ALL that I thought I was lacking. I grew up trying to be tough learned to ignore pain I wanted to be all boy and later all man, and yet the abuse messages told me plainly what I already knew... I was different. It was almost like being two different people. the loving,compassionate,empathetic boy. And then the hard as nails you can NEVER hurt me, ANGRY boy.Right now I think the big job is to bring them back together.
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"