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#458266 - 01/08/14 09:31 PM Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Doug Gildea was sexually abused at age 5. It changed a life - and a family - forever.

Triggering and depressing:

http://local.cincinnati.com/community/pages/abuse/index.html

(From the Male Survivor page in facebook)

This story is deserving of a wide audience.

reposted by Pufferfish



Edited by pufferfish (01/09/14 12:01 AM)

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#458284 - 01/08/14 11:36 PM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
Please excuse me for "spoiling" the end, as it were, but the story is highly triggering and bleak. People should know before reading that the main boy never gets help afterwards, and commits scd. It's important but not good. I guess for the sake of illuminating the attitudes of the 1970s where these things simply were never discussed and therapy simply wasn't done.
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#458289 - 01/09/14 12:00 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: SoccerStar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
Please excuse me for "spoiling" the end, as it were, but the story is highly triggering and bleak. People should know before reading that the main boy never gets help afterwards, and commits scd. It's important but not good. I guess for the sake of illuminating the attitudes of the 1970s where these things simply were never discussed and therapy simply wasn't done.


I agree. It (the one in the previous post) is a very sad case. I didn't get help either as a kid. Everybody was in denial. Even when I started seeing a T when I was 15, She didn't really seem to know what to do with me. I was directed to her because I was a terrible mess when I was 15. It did help some however.

Puffer

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#458291 - 01/09/14 12:02 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
That was even before Gildea's case. I can only imagine that she must have been veritably incapable of understanding what you were saying
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#458293 - 01/09/14 12:09 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: SoccerStar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Well, yes...

I was incapable of telling her anything of what happened. I had a deep amnesia about it. The first book on sexual abuse of children in the USA did not appear until several years after I was in counseling. Oddly, it appeared in Denver, where I got the counseling. It appeared in about 1961.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (01/09/14 12:09 AM)

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#458321 - 01/09/14 09:08 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
KMCINVA Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1666
Thank you for sharing. It was very emotional. I had tears in my eyes and thought of my own pain and hurt. Doug had a loving family but did not know how to handle the abuse. Hopefully their message, of getting help will resonate with some so no other family suffers and another Joe does not loose their parent because of the hidden pain of the abuse.

It definitely stirs memories that I would like not to remember, but it is necessary stories be told and people speak of the abuse.

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#458326 - 01/09/14 09:49 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 730
Loc: NJ
This made me cry... The pain so many went and continue to go through.

I often think about how I will tell my children my story. I know it will have to come out, I just don't know how or when . How does one tell thier children that a family member hurt them. Thier uncle bypassed boubdries and hurt his little brother. I suspect they will reflect and look at thier own relationship with each other...It makes me very sad.
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#458331 - 01/09/14 10:30 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 587
This really tore me up.

Quote:
Jan had asked the family doctor months earlier if Doug needed counseling, and he just shook his head. At the time, many physicians believed talking too much about abuse could do more harm than good to children. Hes young, he said. He probably wont remember what happened.

I had to turn away from the screen to contain my anger when I read that.

Everything else, well...made me cry.

Raw and authentic, and it covers so well the multitude of ways in which the abuse affected Doug, his family and his friends. A hard read but thanks for sharing this Puffer.
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#458681 - 01/15/14 08:46 PM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 99
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
Pufferfish,

Thank you for posting this article. I had a hard time reading the article too and I was in tears several times as well, but I think it's a hard read by necessity. If something horrific like CSA is going to be examined in depth, the article about it has to be horrific at times to properly convey what it needs to.

It is by far the best article I've seen that explains how shattering the abuse is for the kids who are the victims, but for the people surrounding the victims, the friends and family that are affected too, and the scale of time involved with how those affects continue long, long after the acts of abuse have stopped. I sent it to one of my best friends who's one of the few people who know I was abused and he read it and we talked about it on the phone after. It was a good conversation but sadly, fixes no problems for anybody. I wish there was a way to make the pain go away for all the survivors out there and all the secondary victims that get slammed when someone they know is abused.
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#458794 - 01/17/14 07:19 AM Re: Doug Gildea's life changed at 5 by sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
Dan99 Offline


Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 100
Loc: Washington DC
Very sad story. My abuse was over by about four years at the time this kid's happened. I remember when I was reporting what happened to me, the guy taking the report very kindly advised me not to get too caught up in the past events, to get on with life. That would have been 1985. I don't think he was trying to silence me, per se. I think he believed I would be better off if I would just forget it all, which I'm sure I would be. As everyone here knows, that's really not an option. But that was the message I took. I didn't talk about it again for almost 15 years, and there were plenty of moments along the way when I thought about ending it like this poor kid.

I'm really glad his parents and ex did this story. You see so many men telling their stories now, and I'm very glad they do, but sometimes I feel like it makes it look like abuse is somehow less destructive than it is. There they are, these survivors telling their sad stories, but they did survive. So, it puts a happy ending on it. But for so many, it's flat out impossible to go on living. There are two suicides (that I know of) among the victims of the guy who molested me. One was a very gifted businessman who flamed out spectacularly both professionally and personally and finally killed himself in his 40s. The other didn't make it past 25. Almost no one will ever know why.

I hope we're in a new era where stories like this are gone forever because people understand more now and better help is available, but I'll have to see it before I believe it.
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dance like no one is watching;
sing like no one is listening;
love like you've never been hurt;
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