playing in bands kept me from giving up.
i started performing at age 8 in 1969.
my first band, called "the teddy bears".
brad, russell, and i were a guitar trio.
we did instrumental covers of ccr, the animals, johnny cash, the ventures, the shadows, and one original song.
music was my purpose in life, until my children arrived at age 35.
i was living the dream, but i woke up.
i stopped performing professionally about 8 years ago.
strictly production now.
i don't miss it.
honestly. not one little bit.
the touring is what eventually ended it for me.
i did not want to die on the road, with family at home,
and every tour was filled with close calls and near disasters.
i think i started to plan my exit strategy soon after my near death experience in an italian hospital.
i did one more album and a half dozen more tours after that before i finally took my first break since 1991. it was 2005 i think.
that break feels so good, i am still breaking.
i am not even that person anymore.
the question is
What IS it about men, that they always want to be in a band?!?!?!!!!
Me, a girl who doesn't get it!
the answer for me was.
it was the perfect lifestyle for me at the time.
sex, drugs, and music.
wine, women, and song.
ego, pleasure, adventure, self indulgence, attention, discipline, freedom to act out, synergy, vanity.
being a professional performer gave me a sense of identity and worth, without having to behave in a socially acceptable manner.
i was able to get away with things no ordinary person could say or do.
eccentricity was excused, accepted and even expected.
especially in the subculture i was immersed in.
rejection was just another form of recognition.
it was us against the world... just the way i liked it.
it allowed me to indulge in my own delusions of grandeur.
i never once had to comply to anyone, unless they had a weapon.
any commitment i made was entirely voluntary.
i was completely self sufficient, answered to nobody,
and considered my poverty as luxury.
i had everything i needed,
and i got whatever i wanted.
i hardly ever had to pay for anything,
almost everything was provided for free.
before i became a full time professional,
my reason for playing in bands was the hope that i would some day become professional.
it kept me from going berzerk while stuck working at jobs i did not enjoy.