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#458302 - 01/09/14 01:44 AM I Saved a Pedophile's Life
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
This has been a harrowing week for me. One of the patient's I work with is a twice convicted sex offender. Both victims were children under 13. One in 1991 and one in 2003. He is catagorized as a high risk to reoffend. He became very sick and likely would have died if I hadn't quickly assessed his condition and got him to a doctor. I did my job, but I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't feel good at all about extending his life. How many more children will be at risk because he will still be walking the streets? How many will be scarred for life because I didn't just let him die? I could have easily done so. If he reoffends it will be on my head and I can't bear that.

Sorrowfully,

Jude

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#458303 - 01/09/14 02:09 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1443
It is called being a professional. You did the job you are tasked to do. The alternatives? Well, you could NOT be a professional, in which case you will lose more good lives than bad. The math would not add up. Or you could be selectively professional, choosing who will live and who will die - which is frighteningly psychopathic. So you did what you had to do. And everyone along the way - from you to the doctor to the nursing staff - are all "guilty" in that sense.

Consider this - the doctor talks to you and reveals that he feels awful for the possible ramifications of saving this person's life. What would you tell HIM? Would you in any sense find justification to berate him for not doing less than his job? Or consider this - how many of us are here because some other professionals, be it in law enforcement, therapy, or corrections, did NOT do their job?

Maybe a good exercise is to write your feelings in a letter to this man you saved. I don't know the ethics of delivering such a letter, nor am I suggesting you deliver it. Just write to him - sees what spills out on the paper. Then deal with it where you can really see it. Perhaps you can even share it here.
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#458314 - 01/09/14 06:19 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3427
Loc: O Kanada
i did not participate in the beating of my rapist,
while others were hitting him with clubs.
i had a weapon in my hand, and yet
i did nothing to prevent his escape when he ran past me.
i could not bring myself to violence.
nor i did not report him immediately to the police.

i held myself responsible for the dozen plus children he later murdered, and the hundreds he raped.
i was physically ill with guilt for years over that.
i had to put the blame where it belongs.
the perpetrator is responsible for his own perpetrations.
the criminal is responsible for his own crimes.
the sinner is responsible for his own sins.

i know these situations are really different,
but i hope you get my message.

please do not blame yourself.
you did the right thing.

i think eirik's letter idea is brilliant.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458319 - 01/09/14 08:20 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 786
Loc: michigan
no Jude
it will not be on your head. you did the good and right thing and only that which was in your power to do. remember that life and death should not be in your hands. Regardless of belief systems we must admit that people live and die daily despite the best of care.To take a life more or less deliberately is no small task. his guilt is his alone. we only try to do the things that we can live with from moment to moment. you bear no responsibility for what he does or has done. though I am sure for a time it may not feel that way.(( Jude)) it is a difficult place to be in.
jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#458322 - 01/09/14 09:10 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
I have to echo thoughts already expressed. You did your job and in your position, sadly sonetines you have to help people who may not deserve compassion but that's what you do. Don't dishonor yourself by questioning your professionalism.

Abuse is always on the abuser. I truly feel fir those who take the weight of the abuser on thier shoulder if they were not safe enough to speak up. Its exactly that reason and what I tell people if they would ask " why didn't you say something"... The answer always is...I wa snt safe enough in the environment to be able to speak up.

Go gentle on yourself and have faith in your professionalism to do your job in challenging circumstances.

I suspect if you just let him die and didn't intervene you would have been guilt stricken for the rest of your days and question YOUR ethics not his, like you are doing in this thread.

Abuse is ALWAYS the perpetrators fault.


Edited by Castle (01/09/14 09:12 AM)
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458324 - 01/09/14 09:42 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1443
Originally Posted By: Castle
Don't dishonor yourself by questioning your professionalism.

Precisely. Well phrased, worth repeating.
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#458333 - 01/09/14 10:49 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
Jude,

Hope you are able to hear what everyone is saying. I know what it's like to be in a situation where you just can't see the light even though you know it's close by. Having friends on the outside to help lead your way is a great thing. Not always easy to listen I know that one too.

This is one of those decisions that you have to make and no matter what way you go you won't feel good. I think you made the right call too and I'm sorry you had to make it. You treated him like a human being. There are good ones and bad ones, but it's a better world when we can treat each other with some respect.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#458334 - 01/09/14 11:43 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Jude,

You did your job professionally and ethically and that's what we all strive to do every day. Your responsibility for this person was to care for them and you met that responsibility in challenging circumstances.

It is the responsibility of others working to contain his actions and to protect children.

Don't let your empathy and understanding lead you to take on responsibilities which are not yours. I'll glad you didn't let this situation lead you into being responsible for this person's injury or death.

Taking the high road is the right choice here.

-efm
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#458340 - 01/09/14 02:00 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
PhoenixRising Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 42
Jude

I cried after reading what you wrote.
What a powerful testimony to the strength of your compassion and your amazing humanity. It is just that humanity that needs to survive in this world, and would have been lost if you had knowingly allowed him to die. By helping him stay alive, you also kept alive hope, that indeed this can be a good world, and one day maybe even a better one. Nothing would have been gained had you allowed him to die.
If he re-offends, it is his responsibility, and his to carry, and on any who allow it. You, nor I, nor any of us can stop the horrible acts that occur every day, we can stand in the way of those we are aware of, and we can name how we believe the world should be. Indeed, I believe, our one most important task, and it is a huge challenge that you went through in this situation, is to, even without the outside proof, hold onto our own humanity and compassion, even in the face of the world that would perhaps try to wrestle them from our grasp.
I am so grateful that there are human beings such as you in this world.


Edited by PhoenixRising (01/09/14 02:16 PM)

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#458344 - 01/09/14 02:49 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11136
Loc: Denver, CO
Jude, saving his life does not make you responsible for the choices he makes. You did what any good decent person would do, you saved another's life.
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#458362 - 01/09/14 05:28 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Jwmcd2 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/03/12
Posts: 62
I've helped a rapist as a patient in the past. It sucked, but remember the Nightingale Pledge " [I will]devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care"

The pledge never said anything about using small needles and catheters though :P

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#458382 - 01/09/14 10:48 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Thanks for your support guys. Thanks to my therapist, my sponsor, and you all, I think I'm going to be okay. Its hard to just put the blinders on when I'm working but thats what I have to do.
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#458384 - 01/09/14 11:02 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 186
Loc: Virginia
Jude,

Not to jump on the bandwagon, but (1) your professionalism is something to be admired, and (2) whatever he does going forward is absolutely N-O-T on your head. Never steal a perpetrator's guilt! It belongs to them, not you.

What I wanted to add is, let's say you let him die. What then? All it would likely do is eat you up, because (1) you'd know you didn't live up to your pledge, and (2) you'd feel like you were his judge, jury and executioner all rolled into one. I know you would never feel comfortable living like that.

I'm glad (but not the least bit surprised) that you did the right thing and adhered to your professionalism. For what it's worth, I truly feel you did the right thing and will feel the same way in the long run.

Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#458419 - 01/10/14 02:05 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 334
Loc: Iowa, USA
Jude,
Again, to reiterate what has been said, you did the right thing in saving his life. You, and all the health professionals have not been granted the authority to decide who lives and who dies. You start down a slippery slope when you begin to make decision not within the realm of your authority. One might say, that he doesn't deserve to live and you were saving lives. One could apply that thinking to all sorts of situations in an attempt to rationalize the "right" behavior. The Jack Ruby case illustrates this. He did what he thought was right when he killed Lee Harvery Oswald, but he didn't have the authority to kill Oswald and he paid the price by life imprisonment. This example may seem "out there" and it is, but i say it to illustrate a point. If we all took it upon ourselves to be police, judge, and jury, our society would crumble. We have the state, and its role is to arrest suspects, try them, defend them and ultimately penalize them or set them free. It frees us from making those decisions.

Had you taken the other course, there is no guarantee you wouldn't be experiencing the same sense of guilt or remorse you have experienced. There is no way to be 100% sure that would have been the right thing to do.

You had to make a difficult decision and you chose the right option. Be proud of yourself. Your conscience is clear because you did the right thing - you did your job and gave care to an evil man. Leave it to the law to punish him. If the state fails, I believe that the ultimate punishment for this perpetrator will be handed to him in the afterlife.

Dave

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#458519 - 01/12/14 05:13 PM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Jude, I would say that you exemplified exactly what we would hope for, from every human being on the planet. Empathy for our fellow man, in a time of need, with the necessary skills to make a difference.
Professionalism aside, and very professional it was, you demonstrated the best part of humanity.

IMHO
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#458541 - 01/13/14 03:07 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 325
Inside that man is a dying child, that you must know too. Whatever you did it is because life has posed a lesson before you, love your enemies even when it hurts. You are brave my friend. I applaud your courage, for it is only those who can look towards the basic need and do good in minute particulars who are geniuses, do you think you would have felt better if you allowed for his passing? Whatever he does now on, is his reality to suffer and endure, once registered as an offender people do get to have a warning to who they are dealing with.
Pray for the souls and lives of all those who are in need of aid. Perhaps this is fate developing you are the soldier who comes to the rescue of the enemy who shot him down, only the most noble men in war did this.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#458572 - 01/14/14 06:38 AM Re: I Saved a Pedophile's Life [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
A footnote: The man I referred to is now recovering in the hospital. I have no regrets for what I did, nor do I take any pleasure in it. A life was saved, and others were put at risk. Sometimes life is about picking the least worst of all bad options.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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