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#458254 - 01/08/14 04:56 PM Anger. TW
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
I usually try to stay away from my anger. It terrifies me. I don't want to be like them, I don't want to strike out and hurt someone else because I'm hurting.

But I can't help but feel angry. Cheated. The fact that the word "Misused" enters my mind only makes it worse. The concept of misuse, of the word use...that someone used me. Used me for their own gain.

I'm sorry.

I'm a bit scattered.

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#458257 - 01/08/14 05:59 PM Re: Anger. TW [Re: Nyjah]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
I totally get what you're saying.

I'm sorry for your pain.

In the same regard the term. " collateral damage" really bothers me. That the abuse I suffered was in some way a side effect of something else my brother was going through in a way minimizes my feelings.

It's a tough thing to come to terms with and Ihope tomorrow is a better day for you.

No sorry needed for venting your feelings.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458258 - 01/08/14 06:15 PM Re: Anger. TW [Re: Nyjah]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
Thanks Castle.

I feel like i've been having a lot of trouble gathering my thoughts. Sometimes I just sit down and type or write until its all out.

My cousin drew me something that says "Hurt people hurt people.". Its hanging up in my room. I don't want to hurt anyone.

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#458264 - 01/08/14 08:47 PM Re: Anger. TW [Re: Nyjah]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Quote:
Sometimes I just sit down and type or write until its all out.
I totally advocate this, it has been cathartic for me to write until I pass out! Make sure to rant and ramble, the guys here are very patient, then hit the submit button, sleep off the emotions and come back to the gems you will have in the replies. It worked for me.

The biggest fear some survivors have is the terror of hurting others. No, not in the same way as we have been hurt, but due to our rage, we can feel a terrible power we cannot control. Those surging emotions need an outlet, typing is it, well, speaking is best, but I found a "voice" through the keyboard and a very knowledgeable and considerate "audience".

I look forward to the novels and the short posts,
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#458265 - 01/08/14 09:16 PM Re: Anger. TW [Re: Nyjah]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
Wow. Thanks Sam! I may try a bit of cathartic writing tonight. smile

I used to visit this site a lot as a teenager. Every post was guarded, I was always so careful to pick the "right" words so as to not offend anyone. It was like walking on eggshells and after a while I just became so tired of not feeling like I could express myself.

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#458353 - 01/09/14 04:10 PM Re: Anger. TW [Re: Nyjah]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 815
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Nyjah,

I have found getting the anger out is so important for me. Typing here is a GREAT way of getting out anger, venting rage because I as an abused person understand a great deal about anger and rage. I have kept journals for many, many years. Whenever I get ready I always burn them because I write down anything I want in my journals. I have had help with anger in some workshops and with some reading, and have learned to scream with my hand over my mouth so I can get the scream out without scaring the neighbors, I have learned to effectively punch pillows and kick pillows while saying how I was feeling and visualizing the individual I was punching/kicking. It scared me when I first started because what was coming out was the actual energy I felt from the abuse.

Listen to yourself about what works for you, and move at your own pace. From personal experience it has been messy to not find ways to get my anger out, because then I usually unconsciously find ways to act it out with other people. That always makes me feel bad.

Good luck to you, and congratulations for having the courage to talk about it.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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