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#458085 - 01/06/14 10:07 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
I'm surprised to see myself type the following:

If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#458094 - 01/06/14 12:26 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Max10 Offline


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 69
Loc: Oregon
What is normal? This is all I know therefore it must be normal.
_________________________
Have a wonderful day.....no matter what!

~Max10~
~ I am not a victim...I am a survivor! ~

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#458095 - 01/06/14 12:29 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Magellan
If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.


I'm surprised to read that from you, too, Magellan! And happy! i hope you are able to say that is a description of YOU!

"i am unique - just like everybody else." - i love the irony of this statement. we are all different - that is why it is so wonderful to find others who have points of similarity in thoughts, feelings and experiences.

i have always felt different. i used to feel bad about that. now i am beginning to accept and appreciate it.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#458169 - 01/07/14 02:00 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
This is a good topic. I always wanted to be "normal" after my abuse and have strived for it. For me, I consider normal to be highly functioning, stable and doing things in my life where I am not paralyzed by fear.

I never wanted a normal, mundane life. Even before my abuse, I wanted an exciting life. Some men really getting into the role of husband and dad. Going to parent teacher conferences, working on the yard on the weekends, etc. That was never me.

I always wanted to grow and challenge myself. I liked hanging out at my favorite restaurants in Laguna and La Jolla, shopping in Montreal, taking a long walk on the beach in Maui, etc. I enjoyed being totally free to do what I want.

Do I want to get married . . . one day. But I don't want to be stifled doing traditional life procedures. I enjoy the spontaneity of doing what I want. So, I feel normal in my head, but I don't like to do traditional activities of a suburban man. I'm having too much fun right now. And it will only get better and better.

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#458172 - 01/07/14 02:58 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
There are a lot of suburban men who do both " traditional" and unconventional activities and hobbies, who have lots of fun and lead an adventurous life... It isn't a prison sentence, but a decision... One that shouldn't be taken lightly or without thought.

There are also many childless couples/ families with children who happily live an unconventional lifestyle... it's more about finding a " mate" with the same feelings and goals about life and the future.

One of the reasons labels and stereotypes suck, people believe them.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458180 - 01/07/14 04:11 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
That's not the point to my post. There is nothing wrong with that role. That's just not me. I respect whatever role we have in our lives as long as we are happy and healing.

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#458183 - 01/07/14 04:33 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I'm challenging the connotation of a " normal" suburban existence.

Exactly what the post is about, being " normal", whatever being normal actually means in that context. I get normal, temperature wise, humans 98.6 degrees... but I can't get, " normal" in the context of activities and such.

Maybe we as a people should do Less labeling, and more living. Families should worry more about emotional well-being of a person rather than if they are/get married and providing grandchildren. Not everybody wants to be married or be responsible to raising children, all of which is very acceptable.

I agree we should all be free and comfortable enough with ourselves so that we can be highly functioning, stable members of society who shouldn't be paralyzed by fear.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458193 - 01/07/14 05:27 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
Yes, and that last sentence in your last post is what matters. What's in our heads, not roles.

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#458209 - 01/07/14 07:48 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
well, sometimes I gotta say: screw "society." I don't really care if I'm a member of "society" or not. But the rest of what you two are saying sounds right.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#458219 - 01/08/14 01:49 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 668
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I find normal generally means conforming to some group identity and group values and that never works for me. I can overlap tons of groups, but my experience is that if I want to participate there generally are unspoken group by-laws that are difficult for me to navigate.

So, where I'm at now is that my challenge is to grow a stronger ME, one that doesn't have a problem remaining grounded in strong winds. This seems important for me because it seems I am attracted to situations where I need to be strong in order to participate happily. Not easy for the little abused kid in me. I try to remain open to possibilities and do my best to grow. I do grow, but patience is difficult. I get destination oriented instead of journey oriented.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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