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#458060 - 01/05/14 09:51 PM Living a normal life
blockade Offline


Registered: 11/10/13
Posts: 17
Do you consider yourself to live a 'normal' life are does that seem an alien concept to you?
I would consider myself to get by normally, however, carrying a dark cloud around that can vary in size anytime

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#458061 - 01/05/14 10:20 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Cant help myself but Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. I live a fairly typical suburban life. with a few twists, but I fit in pretty well.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458063 - 01/05/14 10:30 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
No, I'm pretty much as far from normal as you can get. I try to wear that as a badge of pride, but sometimes it is tough.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#458064 - 01/05/14 10:35 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Then I ask for a definition of "normal"?
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458065 - 01/05/14 10:41 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: Castle]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: Castle
Then I ask for a definition of "normal"?


I think what you said about "fit in pretty well" is a pretty good one. I am noticeably different from most in terms of schedule I keep, things I spend my time on, thinks I think about, how I talk about things, even how I look. Not in any way someone who fits in with society.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#458067 - 01/05/14 10:48 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
my suggestion would be you are not abnormal…lol you are just into different shit. Thats why I feel being "normal" is such a trap. Normal to who's definition.

In suburban NJ life, I get by but not sure how "normal"I am and why I don't use the term outside of the functions of a washing machine.

on the "normal" side, I have two kids and a wife, on the other "normal" side, I have pet chickens, a hedgehog, and a juliana pig….have zero interest or time for religion am a stay at home dad, who participates in the chool system, while not taking crap off the yenta "suburban moms"

We are who we are laugh
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458068 - 01/05/14 10:52 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I constantly look at, ignore and function through normal. One persons normal is another persons lunacy.

Lets just live and be happy and not have to fit into other peoples definitions of something so ambiguous as "normal".
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458069 - 01/05/14 11:06 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I would much rather be genuine than normal . Genuine people get and can feel, fake bullshit "normal" people can read right through…especially those who are also pretending top be normal to just fit in. Genuine poelpe want to spend time with outer people who are genuine, and not always the same people….thats where we learn stuff and experience life…connecting with like minded but different people.

IMHO
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458081 - 01/06/14 08:39 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Blockade,

A "normal" life is an alien concept to me for sure. I feel like a 9-to-5 is something I can never settle down in. Marriage, family, kids, car, house - eons away. I guess by "normal", you mean conformist? Adhering to norms and customs, adopting mannerisms, social values etc. It's hard to define. That being said, I do think I can relate to what you said about the "dark cloud". Apart from to a close few on MS, I think I hide that part of myself really well behind a facade of an easygoing if slightly eccentric guy. But like you said, the size of that cloud varies, and when it gets bigger, and you're still playing a role or enforcing the normal-guy-facade, reality does seem unreal and that there's a big part of you that's existing largely under the radar, without any attention or recognition. A double life of sorts, I guess. It's sometimes nice to fit in with the "normals", but it can get pretty tiring and a part of me does feel lost for sure.
_________________________
Husky

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#458083 - 01/06/14 09:24 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 753
Loc: michigan
when I first came here I told nearly everyone I talked to that normal had been my goal all my life. I just wanted to be like everyone else. and I dont know how many times I heard this comment."normal is just a setting on the dryer" and they were right. normal is different for every person, each experience we have had ,good or bad changes what normal might be for us. the others,the untouched have no idea of what it takes a survivor to process and so we can feel on the outside at times. but among the other survivors we hear " yea I get that, or I used to do that all the time!" that was a miracle for me when I heard it. I was NOT insane or going insane, I was not too weird,odd, or whatever. I was a SURVIVOR and my definition of what is typical is much different then those who have not had the experiences. not bad, and not better, just different. I hope that you can feel better soon man
jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#458085 - 01/06/14 10:07 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
I'm surprised to see myself type the following:

If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#458094 - 01/06/14 12:26 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Max10 Offline


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 69
Loc: Oregon
What is normal? This is all I know therefore it must be normal.
_________________________
Have a wonderful day.....no matter what!

~Max10~
~ I am not a victim...I am a survivor! ~

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#458095 - 01/06/14 12:29 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Magellan
If you are happy with who you are, it won't matter if you're "normal" or not. And incidentally, those who are unique and happy with themselves tend to be the most attractive people.


I'm surprised to read that from you, too, Magellan! And happy! i hope you are able to say that is a description of YOU!

"i am unique - just like everybody else." - i love the irony of this statement. we are all different - that is why it is so wonderful to find others who have points of similarity in thoughts, feelings and experiences.

i have always felt different. i used to feel bad about that. now i am beginning to accept and appreciate it.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#458169 - 01/07/14 02:00 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
This is a good topic. I always wanted to be "normal" after my abuse and have strived for it. For me, I consider normal to be highly functioning, stable and doing things in my life where I am not paralyzed by fear.

I never wanted a normal, mundane life. Even before my abuse, I wanted an exciting life. Some men really getting into the role of husband and dad. Going to parent teacher conferences, working on the yard on the weekends, etc. That was never me.

I always wanted to grow and challenge myself. I liked hanging out at my favorite restaurants in Laguna and La Jolla, shopping in Montreal, taking a long walk on the beach in Maui, etc. I enjoyed being totally free to do what I want.

Do I want to get married . . . one day. But I don't want to be stifled doing traditional life procedures. I enjoy the spontaneity of doing what I want. So, I feel normal in my head, but I don't like to do traditional activities of a suburban man. I'm having too much fun right now. And it will only get better and better.

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#458172 - 01/07/14 02:58 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
There are a lot of suburban men who do both " traditional" and unconventional activities and hobbies, who have lots of fun and lead an adventurous life... It isn't a prison sentence, but a decision... One that shouldn't be taken lightly or without thought.

There are also many childless couples/ families with children who happily live an unconventional lifestyle... it's more about finding a " mate" with the same feelings and goals about life and the future.

One of the reasons labels and stereotypes suck, people believe them.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458180 - 01/07/14 04:11 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
That's not the point to my post. There is nothing wrong with that role. That's just not me. I respect whatever role we have in our lives as long as we are happy and healing.

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#458183 - 01/07/14 04:33 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I'm challenging the connotation of a " normal" suburban existence.

Exactly what the post is about, being " normal", whatever being normal actually means in that context. I get normal, temperature wise, humans 98.6 degrees... but I can't get, " normal" in the context of activities and such.

Maybe we as a people should do Less labeling, and more living. Families should worry more about emotional well-being of a person rather than if they are/get married and providing grandchildren. Not everybody wants to be married or be responsible to raising children, all of which is very acceptable.

I agree we should all be free and comfortable enough with ourselves so that we can be highly functioning, stable members of society who shouldn't be paralyzed by fear.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#458193 - 01/07/14 05:27 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
Yes, and that last sentence in your last post is what matters. What's in our heads, not roles.

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#458209 - 01/07/14 07:48 PM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
well, sometimes I gotta say: screw "society." I don't really care if I'm a member of "society" or not. But the rest of what you two are saying sounds right.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#458219 - 01/08/14 01:49 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 670
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I find normal generally means conforming to some group identity and group values and that never works for me. I can overlap tons of groups, but my experience is that if I want to participate there generally are unspoken group by-laws that are difficult for me to navigate.

So, where I'm at now is that my challenge is to grow a stronger ME, one that doesn't have a problem remaining grounded in strong winds. This seems important for me because it seems I am attracted to situations where I need to be strong in order to participate happily. Not easy for the little abused kid in me. I try to remain open to possibilities and do my best to grow. I do grow, but patience is difficult. I get destination oriented instead of journey oriented.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#458220 - 01/08/14 02:15 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3327
Loc: O Kanada
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
     ~ Eric Hoffer

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist,
it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
     ~ Bill Vaughan

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
     ~ John F. Kennedy

Normal is an ideal. But it’s not reality.
Reality is brutal, it’s beautiful, it’s every shade between black and white, and it’s magical.
     ~ Tara Kelly

I don't think there's too much normal out there anymore.
Though there's still plenty of average to go around.
     ~ John David Anderson

Just as some people may conceal their own sinfulness thus seeming better than the norm,
others expose their own sinfulness thus seeming worse than the norm.
     ~ Criss Jami

i think i would much rather be natural than normal.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458225 - 01/08/14 02:51 AM Re: Living a normal life [Re: blockade]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Originally Posted By: victor-victim
i think i would much rather be natural than normal.

smile

Once I discovered what it feels like to be natural, I no longer felt the need to be "normal". For practical purposes, I don't think anyone can be "natural" all the time and you have to conform sometimes, but when I'm with the right group of people or all on my own, I relish being "natural" me.
_________________________
Husky

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