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#457974 - 01/04/14 12:36 PM A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 589
http://www.drdonaldmars.com/article2.html

I thought this article captured the subtlety/covertness of this form of abuse really well.
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#457981 - 01/04/14 02:44 PM Re: A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse [Re: concerned_husky]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 123
Thanks Husky,

Thanks for the link. It is interesting. I've often struggled with the covert aspects of mother-son sexual abuse. Everything I experienced was both subtle and covert. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on.

Have you read Hani Miletski's book on Mother-son incest?
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"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

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#458018 - 01/04/14 11:46 PM Re: A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 589
Hey Gaatt,

A large part of my abuse was also very subtle and covert. I still have a hard time seeing things for what they really are, because the veil to cover the truth has been so well-crafted. Things really had to start coming out sideways before I even realized something was very wrong.

I hadn't come across Miletski's book yet, unfortunately. I just had a quick look at her website though and her prologue to her book. It seems really good - I'll be ordering it. Thanks for the heads-up.
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#458022 - 01/05/14 12:53 AM Re: A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 353
Loc: NY
Husky:

Article kind of hits a lot of stuff pretty clearly that is painful and revealing.

The section on separation and individuation is especially resonant with me. For many years it seemed like I was following a safe route of compromise. Outwardly I struggled and put in great effort but inwardly there was the rule of compromise. The idea of truly pleasing myself was out of reach, like the dream the patient has of the world outside the window.

Sometimes I wonder if my internalizing the minimization of what happened created a barrier to my true self. Pushing myself to speak the truth now is a process of taking down the vigilant walls brick by brick. These walls not only kept a covert eye on what was happening, but also learned to step around male references to what happened. I was so unconscious of it, I didn't even know that I needed a man to be aware of the situation, let alone step into it.

Thanks for the article. It helps me get closer to the fears that I grew accustomed to.

FB
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#458179 - 01/07/14 04:05 PM Re: A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse [Re: concerned_husky]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 123
Hi Husky,

You are welcome for the heads up on Hani's book. It was a major source of reassurance for me. In it she lists all of the covert and overt forms of mother-son incest. She also talks about the many cultural barriers to mother-son incest being recognized. Interestingly, she originally took on her masters project because she thought it would be easy (mother-son incest doesn't exist so the paper will be easy to write). Once she started looking though, she realized that it was far more prevalent than she originally thought. I'm really glad that she wrote her book. It's the only one I've found on mother-son incest. (I just found a webpage connected to this forum that has a host of references to books on mother-son incest (see http://www.female-offenders.com/bibliography.html)


Edited by gaatt (01/07/14 05:11 PM)
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"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

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#458489 - 01/11/14 10:47 PM Re: A Good Article on Mother-Son Abuse [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 353
Loc: NY
The above article touches on something that is shared by survivors of sexual abuse by either gender.

There is an idea out there somewhere that men need to "be initiated" into the world of sex. This is sometimes used as a reason for the unwanted attention or aggression from others.

Looking back, I can't think of any real reason why I needed such an initiation, although I did at times buy into the idea. When I did have fun sexually, when there was something good in a relationship, there was no need for initiation, for training, for instruction. It just happened and most of the time there was nothing wrong with it.

Makes me wonder where I ever got the idea that there was something more to "learn" and what I may have lost in thinking that.

FB
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