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#457992 - 01/04/14 07:52 PM Hello.. Surivor ?
dualchip Offline


Registered: 01/03/14
Posts: 1
Hello, greetings smile

Not to sound negative but what does it mean to be a survivor ?

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#457994 - 01/04/14 08:27 PM Re: Hello.. Surivor ? [Re: dualchip]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3433
Loc: O Kanada
i live.
i am ok.
i made it!
i am a survivor.
it did not destroy me.
i am stronger than before.
i am more than what happened.

good question, dualchip.
hard to answer.
that was my attempt.

welcome to ms.org.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#458001 - 01/04/14 09:22 PM Re: Hello.. Surivor ? [Re: dualchip]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1588
Loc: New England
Welcome dualchip!

Some say there are three phases following childhood sexual abuse: 1) Victim; 2) Survivor; 3)Thriver

Do some reading here and it will start to make sense.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#458037 - 01/05/14 10:28 AM Re: Hello.. Surivor ? [Re: dualchip]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Dualchip, welcome.

A survivor is a male in this case who has been subjected to a trauatic, manipulative and controlling environment where sexual acts or innuendo were forced upon him no matter the reaction to the content. Whether a minor or an adult, the acts perpetrated against the male were acts he did not ask for, attentions he did not seek nor did he pursue per his personality. A significant change occurs at that point in his personality, his thoughts can become terrified or hyper sexualized for example. His emotions can become chaotic. Whatever the previous path of life he was on before the abuse, the life afterwards is significantly altered. He can become withdrawn or prolific, the symptoms are as varied as the victim.

Survivor is a fitting term, like survivors of a boating accident in the open sea. Only concentrating on staying alive a male sexual abuse victim can survive by becoming obsessed with function, perfection or isolation. We are usually terrified of rejection, abandonment and destruction. We act out with pornography, sex, anger, rage, bitterness, listlessness and we can self medicate with alcohol, drugs, gambling.

When recovery begins, it is usually not planned. The release of memories overwhelms our coping mechanisms. We find we have to begin to reason on the events, we are forced to by.., ourselves. This may be where you are now. Most survivors come to the site because they have unexpectedly disclosed due to legal or relationship issues. Those memories of the abuse and the subsequent methods we used to deal with the abuse lead us through a process that takes many months head on and even decades to process.

This is a marathon dualchip, not a sprint. If any of this and the above comments resonate with you, the above advice to read through some of the shares here is great advice. Share as you can safely, give yourself the reward of connecting with healthy people who want you to feel better and succeed.

My best to you,
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#458050 - 01/05/14 05:18 PM Re: Hello.. Surivor ? [Re: dualchip]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 43
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Well said SamV. To this day I still recall facts f what happened to me when I was 11 years old, whether I want to think of them or not. I ended up finding this site as I am looking for others "like me" and I am finding comfort in knowing I truly am not alone. I recently came to the conclusion that I recall the "facts" so I realize it was real and the demon was real, not in my head. Keeping the demon real keeps him out of my head in a sense that he can't make me think he is doing any more to me than he already did. I am not over it nor do I think I ever will be and I am terrified to "let it go" as I fear it will come back to haunt me worse than it does now.

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