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#456817 - 12/14/13 06:34 PM I shared my Rape today.
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I had an expose' sort of conversation with a friend today. I told of the oral assault 5 years ago. I heard all the questions I thought I would hear and they didn't upset, they didn't set me back, and I didn't become offended or angered. Questions and comments such as you are a big guy, how could that have happened? Why did you stay? Didn't you know he was like this? Was that really rape? Did you challenge him? ..each of my responses was followed by another comment or question.

My final answer was actually the final truth. The truth as I understand it, as it seems, any of the experts I have read understand. I looked at the friend (male) and said, "It doesn't matter how many questions you ask, how many responses I give, it will never make sense. Rape will never be logical. You (or me) will never understand. This (me) is what rape leaves behind. It has given certain odd behaviors that I can't explain, don't want, but are a part of me. Rape has given me a new me. I am in the process of modifying, but this is now me."

I make no apologies for recognizing the new me. No apologies for withdrawing from a friendly pat. No apologies for watching my surroundings, and on and on. Today was a good day and permitted me to verbalize some of my thoughts regarding the effects of rape. Not in the context of victimization, but in the real world, long term effect. The survival experience, if you will. And I suppose that leaves me as a survivor. A survivor of rape. God, that last statement still breaks my heart. Okay, men. Onward, upward, and hugs to all.


Edited by ThisMan (12/14/13 06:35 PM)
Edit Reason: finished the title
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#456823 - 12/14/13 09:32 PM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#456838 - 12/15/13 03:14 AM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3536
Loc: O Kanada
it is great that you stood your ground.
I'm glad you found comfort within your own skin.
situational awareness is a good thing.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456929 - 12/17/13 01:41 AM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 953
Loc: southern California
Gentlemen, I think we have a new role model onboard. :-)

Here's to you, ThisMan.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#456954 - 12/17/13 12:05 PM Re: I shared my Rape today. [Re: ThisMan]
honorableman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/19/09
Posts: 26
Loc: United States
Excellent post, 'bro. Helps me better understand the illogical nature of my rape (yes, your post helped me to define it as rape) and it makes me understand that I was in fact raped and did the best I could under illogical pressure and lies.

Thank you for your honesty and insight!! Keep your head held high!

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