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#456138 - 12/05/13 06:13 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 258
I only feel numb and then sometimes worried and nervous
Wish i could just stay in bed till everything blows over
I know you're probably right but i cant make myself do it and call any of those numbers. It just seems impossible or something.
I dont know, it doesnt make sense but i wish it would have never come out (esp not like this).
I spoke to a free lawyer i got from/trough the police for a few minutes and the police keeps grilling me about everything but thats it. Didn't really answer any of their questions though.
I went back to the hospital for a checkup today and they tried to talk to me about it as well, but that just made me more anxious about everything. I'm fine, physically, btw.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#456139 - 12/05/13 06:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 258
I only feel numb and then sometimes worried and nervous
Wish i could just stay in bed till everything blows over
I know you're probably right but i cant make myself do it and call any of those numbers. It just seems impossible or something.
I dont know, it doesnt make sense but i wish it would have never come out (esp not like this).
I spoke to a free lawyer i got from/trough the police for a few minutes and the police keeps grilling me about everything but thats it. Didn't really answer any of their questions though.
I went back to the hospital for a checkup today and they tried to talk to me about it as well, but that just made me more anxious about everything. I'm fine, physically, btw.
Thanks for listening to me rant.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#456153 - 12/05/13 11:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1469
Loc: New England
Hey Sven,

Many of us are much older than you and we can recall ourselves at about your age saying "I'm fine....don't want/need to talk about it....wish it would all go away.....no problem"

For most of us, that didn't work. It didn't just go away, we never were fine. And the resulting problems piled up over many years. So you'll have to forgive us for wanting something better for you. Apparently many people are offering you help, the police, a lawyer, a psychologist. Many of us never had these resources available to them. Again, you have to understand why we may be pushing you to make a move to get help. We want something better for you.

For better or worse, you can't go back to the old status quo of being a victim. You have the opportunity to write a new chapter in your life, if you can summon the courage to honestly look at the damage thats been done to you, and make some moves to get help in healing. You future is in your hands.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#456618 - 12/11/13 06:44 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 258
So I talked to B. over the phone today.
As if I didn't already feel bad enough.
Not surprisingly he'd already found out I'd been in the hospital, that my father had been arrested etc. But he pushed for more details. I ended up saying that yes i'd turned my father in, that yes they knew about him, just not who he was and that I didn't intend on telling them. He tried to push me into coming over to his place but I said no and to leave me alone if he doesn't want me to turn him in anyways and ended the call.

At work i talked to one of the teamleaders the other day and he basically shared a little about his own past and basically stated/asked, if I had been trough that stuff too. I only managed to nod and grabbed my stuff and left in a hurry.

My mother is already taking other men home, it sickens me. I can hear everything, they aren't exactly quiet.

So I stayed home today, think i got a fever anyways, but I really feel just so overwhelmed with everything. Before all this it was more of depression/anxiety, now i dont know what it is
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#456635 - 12/11/13 10:11 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 563
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sven,

I don't know what to tell you, and I don't know what you need. But, I do care what happens to you and I send all the warmth and support I have over the air waves.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#456639 - 12/11/13 10:18 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 145
Loc: Virginia
Hey Sven,

I'm proud of you for hanging in there. As fearless as I like to think I am, I can't imagine going through what you're doing right now. You have my undying respect, man. Sending every good thought I have, and every ounce of support, your way.

Keep us posted. Take care.

Bob

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#456657 - 12/12/13 03:11 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Sven, I'm sorry that you are facing so many challenges, you are not alone!
Please try to avoid any further contact with B.
Abusive person would do anything to keep such relationship and it is difficult to break it once if we are overpowered. Isolation from such people is only solution to get opportunity for fresh start, to rebuild lost confidence and learn to rely on own instincts.
Even if you would talk with him keep him in dark. He shouldn't know about latest news from your home, he could use it for own good and against you. Once lost trust with such person never can be rebuilt no matter for his manipulations and tries, true picture set behind is always very painful.
So please take care for yourself.
You can do it!!!!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#456855 - 12/15/13 02:00 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 258
Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate it, though i don't know how to uhm, take your advice and really do something with it.

Lately I keep like, zoning out I guess for lack of a better word.
Like where you feel like you 'wake up' and realise some hours have passed or you have no clue what you did all day long or if you even did anything at all. Not sure what to think of it.. Hope its not going to interfere with school etc.

We had the christmas .. drink thing, from work the other night but I didn't go, can't face them, esp not the teamleader I talked to last week. Not sure what to do, maybe i'll just see if i can get another job or something. Not like the pay is good nor is the work interesting.

I did go out with friends but I couldn't really get into it, it felt like I was killing the mood, though that may be just my interpretation. Went home early. They know something is up but I can't talk to them about this ofcourse.
I wish i could fake happyness better, before they abandon me completely.

I overheard my mother talking on the phone to family, I don't know who, but I know they were talking about me. She said she doesn't think I will talk about anything else that happened, like with familymembers, but they talked about how youthcare is intervening with the rest of the family as well. Im not sure but i think they even placed two of them, a brother and sister, in the fostercare system. Crossing my fingers hoping this is true.
They deserve a better life then we had.

So basically I spend my time feeling sorry for myself in my room and trying to get trough school without zoning out to much lately. I know that isn't going to change anything but I don't seem to be able to change
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#456958 - 12/17/13 06:29 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 258
Does anyone know anything about 'dissociation'?
Like today after school I'm not sure if anything happened or that i just zoned out because i talked to B. or that there was no reason at all. Anyway, not sure what to think about this.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#456961 - 12/17/13 07:20 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
There is always reason why is happening, we have to be very careful with triggers.
Basically if we hear or sense something that reminds us on some our traumatic experience it can suddenly bring all those emotions that we have had back than to the surface. Basically something can transport our mind in such from present to traumatic feelings that we have had.
Here is more about it:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/0001414

It is important to learn what are our triggers, to try to avoid them, and to be prepared when happen.
Grounding is something that can help us when felt triggered (try to search in google for: grounding techniques).
Saying aloud the own name and surname, current date, the own birthday date and similar can sometimes bring our minds back to present.
Please look for help, it is obvious that you need it.
Talks with an abusive person like B is won't help you in anyway, I hope you know that...
What is your plan, do you have any idea where you are and what would you do? Could you spend a couple minutes on a daily basis to address such issues and see if you could come with something constructive and self protecting?


Edited by peroperic2009 (12/17/13 07:21 PM)
_________________________
My story

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