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#456444 - 12/08/13 11:39 PM SSA question? (Possible trigger)
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
Why do we seek out that which we feel is missing in ourselves? For instance whenever I would act out with other men it wasn't just anyone...it was only macho manly men...if that makes sense.


Edited by saint-of-Lost-Causes (12/08/13 11:41 PM)
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#456495 - 12/09/13 10:46 PM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
draco Offline


Registered: 12/08/13
Posts: 3
I think it makes since to me. I am a pretty big guy myself and I have only had one act with another man as an adult but I do fantasise about it often. Normally I walk around with a macho, don't mess with me mask. But often I have fantasies, dreams, desires or whatever you want to call it about being with another man that is actually confident and taller and stronger than me. Someone that can hold, comfort, and act with me. I think that is what you were talking about.

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#456497 - 12/09/13 10:56 PM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: draco]
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
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Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
I think thats pretty much what i look for, to be held and momentarily feel somewhat safe and protected.


Edited by saint-of-Lost-Causes (12/09/13 10:57 PM)
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We accept the love we think we deserve!

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#456513 - 12/10/13 07:47 AM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2589
A "Father" figure to comfort the hurting little boy we feel inside.

Seeking out that which we idolize or worship in others that we feel is lacking within ourselves. The thing we desire in others because we don't see it in our self.

I've always felt alienated and distant from other males. Like I didn't fit or belong because I somehow wasn't male or male enough. I don't' see myself as particularly masculine, I'm just not interested in the Typical "male" things.

Seeking to fill that empty hole inside. Real or just perceived.

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#456547 - 12/10/13 06:49 PM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 76
Loc: southeast
"Dad will you rescue me?"
"Dad will you comfort me?"
"Dad where are you?"
"Dad I need you"
"Dad take away the pain."
"Dad will you tell me everything is ok?"
"Dad would you have beat him to a pulp had you known?"

Cannibalistic compulsion to take into ourselves traits of others we desire, or feel we are missing, or truly are emotionally missing? Sorry about the cannibalistic remark, i do not mean that literally.

Needing that which was missing. I'm with you guys....but as we heal and grieve and repeat the behaviors sometimes, we come to realize sadly that what was lost perhaps can never be regained when it comes to dads rescuing us...but an inward reach toward the boy inside where we re-parent the boy, love 'im, defend him, protect him and grow him up.....a painful process, but i'm tired of ignoring the little boy and not giving him what he really needs.

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#456583 - 12/10/13 11:58 PM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
The total picture of strength, of confidence, of an assertive man with a powerful body and an untroubled mind. It is what you want to be, yourself - and that trips a lot of the "desire" switches. Not to be crass, but - there's a reason why nearly all straight porn features prolonged, almost loving close-ups of huge erect penises, quite often without even a woman in frame. It is a stand-in, an avatar, of the male viewer's desire of his own achieved embodiment.

THIS is something much more serious.... but it's the same principle at work.
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"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#456794 - 12/14/13 11:27 AM Re: SSA question? (Possible trigger) [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 788
Loc: michigan
I do think in large measure it is the desire for dad. at least in my situation I wanted to be close to him in the way that mom wanted to be close ...and was close,to me. I have hated the feelings of desire the ache in me that I know will never be met. I don't know in all honesty where I fall in this continuum. I know that I seem locked into searching for something that does not exist scanning the skies for the plane that will never arrive.
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