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#456209 - 12/06/13 04:07 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1284
I stand by everything I said in my first response to you, Nomad. I don't think it is a question of severity as much as category. I do not minimize what you feel, and am amazed that anyone here would do that, because if anyone is sensitive to "get over it" or "stuff it", I would imagine male victims of sexual abuse would top that list. That said, I hope you can find a forum or support system geared more to the type of trust violation you experienced.
_________________________



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#456228 - 12/06/13 06:48 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: Chase Eric]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165


I do not belittle your concerns - I just think it might be more appropriate to address them in a forum designed for discussing adult relational issues. [/quote]

what Moderator said. You weren't "raped dude" you went out of your comfort zone and you liked it and you are now retconning your guilt and making it something it wasnt .

when i was raped a dude held a knife to me and asked me which of my cats i prefer he killed. DO NOT come here telling me that you having intercourse consensually in a solid aware state is rape.
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#456230 - 12/06/13 07:00 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3085
Loc: O Kanada
i was raped by a serial killer, Tyr.
my trauma does not make nomad's experience less traumatic to him.

nomad came here for help, comfort and support, like all of us.
if we cannot provide that, it is best not to condemn or project hostility.
we should not minimize the emotions of any survivor.
perhaps this event has been a severe trigger to deeper subconscious issues, that nomad is only beginning to process.

one thing i have learned here is that the different types of abuse cannot be compared.
i do not wish to minimize your experience, either, Tyr.
each individual is unique, despite our similarities.

we all behave and react according to our own programs.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456241 - 12/06/13 08:45 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: Tyr]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Loc: Cascadia
Tyr,

Please. Nomad has experiences. You have experiences. We all do. That is why we are here. Nomad experiencing this sexual encounter as rape does not impinge on your abuses. We are all just desperately trying to process the world as best we can.

Please. If you feel irritated, annoyed or angered by this post then seek your own support for your own abuses and how this thread interacts with them - but please let nomad have his thread and his healing.

And Tyr, I am sorry - I do not know the intention of your words but the effect was belittling . They were unkind in effect. Again, I do not know, nor am I making, any judgement about your intent. I am sorry if this isn't received well. Just please, let nomad and those giving nomad support be.


Heal well everyone,


-VoteCthulhu


Edited by votecthulhu (12/06/13 08:54 PM)
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#456244 - 12/06/13 08:52 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
As survivors, we know that it's not about what happened to us, it's about the impact what happened has had on us. As a result, there is just no point to comparing our pain with someone else's. That just encourages us to wallow in victimhood instead of moving beyond it and being survivors.

Everyone who is in pain deserves to have their pain soothed.

-efm
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#456261 - 12/06/13 11:40 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
nomad510 Offline


Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 28
Thanks for the support guys,

Again, I know it's probably hard for people to understand exactly what happened to me and maybe I'm not articulating it the best way possible.

However, I was quite shocked to get some of the ridicule and hostility that I got when I was simply attempting to air out this experience which was legitimately traumatic to me.

I used words like 'rape' and 'crime' which technically may not hold water. But guess what, that doesn't matter, this is how I felt, period. I'm entitled to that and to feel my feelings and they aren't necessarily right or wrong -- they just are. This was some insight that my therapist gave me and it has been helpful. And I know that everyone on here in their best state of mind can understand this.

I am happy to say that after a week of dealing with this and talking to a friend and therapist that I am feeling much better. Although some of the effect are still there. I am an adult and grateful that I now have the tools to deal with something traumatic that I didn't have when I was younger.

Of course I'm not trying to compare my experience with anyone else's, that would be silly. We can't know exactly how others experiences where, especially though a forum. I just used the word that best described what it felt like for me the feeling of having sex with someone who you didn't want to have sex with. That being in my case, someone who was not naturally born as a woman but concealed this identity to hide this fact. Some people still may not understand this and that's OK with me. I only came here for positive words and support and there were enough people on this board who offered that and I am grateful for this.

I am doing much better now guys, but this was a very traumatic thing for me a week ago and I had to go to thanksgiving dinner just hours after I discovered the facts. Not an easy thing to do.

Thanks again and best to all.

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#456262 - 12/06/13 11:43 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: newground]
nomad510 Offline


Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 28
Originally Posted By: newground
I'm not certain exactly where this conversation is headed. but I would like to speak a word of caution. our experiences create who we are to a large degree. it is to our own sense of correctness that we must answer. it is easy to become hurtful toward others when our own sense does not match that of another. that does not make an event any less traumatic for them, only more so.I would hope that our common wounds would cause us to be sensitive to the pain of others,even if we do not share it. the feeling of betrayal from a partner not being forthcoming with that kind of information is not surprising. perhaps the relationship can move, perhaps not. but it is not bigotry or prejudice that caused the break if it occurs. it is common dishonesty


Thanks for these kind words newground, very much hit the nail on the head for me...

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#456272 - 12/07/13 01:05 AM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Loc: Cascadia
hey nomad,

I am genuinely happy to hear your T was able to help you deal with this. I know my first post wasn't at all you needed. I hummed and hawed about sending that. I am sorry I did. I really am. I am also glad the negative responses to your post have not seemed to poison your experience here,and that you were able to absorb the words of those who were kind and helpful and more able to understand you, but I am sorry had to repeat your stance and just ask for healing and understanding so many times.

I was worried that it would be more troubling to you. I know I would have a lot of trouble dealing with people attacking something if I posted it. I am glad you seem stronger than I laugh

So yeah, sorry I was probably more hurtful than helpful and I am glad you seem to be processing this well.

Take care,



VoteCthulhu


Edited by votecthulhu (12/07/13 01:06 AM)
Edit Reason: word form
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#456310 - 12/07/13 01:44 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3085
Loc: O Kanada
i am really glad you are coming to terms with what happened, nomad.

i do apologize for the negative reactions you received here from other members.
hopefully it did not upset you too much.
i am happy it did not drive you away, as has happened to other people who can't handle intense emotionally negative responses.

there is a lot of negative emotion and hostility in this membership.
i have encountered much of it myself.
this whole website is full of hair triggers, hidden land mines, control issues, and overreactions.
some people take things personally, and often infer what is not implied.
someone in defensive posture, is constantly on the lookout for threats. a proactive defensive posture requires imagining potential threats from unexpected angles.
it that mindset, it is easy to read insults between the lines.


unfortunately, that is to be expected from a community of survivors.

people here are at all different stages of recovery.
so it is near impossible to gauge responses.

if you keep reminding yourself, hopefully, you will be able to understand and cope with the reactions here.

i personally, did not come here to direct my anger at other survivors. that is not my desire, goal, or intention, whatsoever. but, it seems, other members are not so reluctant to dump on their fellow survivors.

it is sad.

i hope i was of some small help to you.
please continue to ignore the negative.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456466 - 12/09/13 12:02 PM Re: Tricked by a transexual [Re: nomad510]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 690
The moderator team has decided that this thread has run it's course and will be closed at this time. There were a number of concerns that members of the MaleSurvivor community have expressed, those concerns have been carefully considered in this action including the insensitive dismissal of a survivor's struggle and unsettling comments that were offered in misunderstanding that slighted the transgendered community.

We are encouraged that some of the remarks were corrected by the posters to reflect a greater tolerance and understanding. Within these strong opinions, we applaud those who elevated the conversation by focusing on support rather than division, who expressed their assertive thoughts without hostility. Above all, this is a place for all members to feel safe. We want to be very clear that MaleSurvivor supports with full respect and dignity all survivors without bias nor prejudice.

This topic is closed and it cannot be opened in this nor any other public forum within the site. Thank you for your cooperation.

The Moderator Team
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Private messages sent to this account are checked irregularly due to personnel and time constraints. Please send messages to one of the moderators for the forum that is concerned by user name, or if there is no named moderator, send a PM to any moderator.

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