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#456196 - 12/06/13 12:52 PM Casual language hurting, people are sick!
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
I am in charge of the forums over at audiogames.net a community about accessible computer games.

On that forum we have a spam filter to make automated spambots posting difficult. This changes words like "V I A g o r a" into "spam"

There is one member who for some reason has really taken issue with this and constantly complains about it, even though all the words on the filter aren't even swear words or anything else, just words like the names of drugs or insurance.

He seems to think it is some sort of orwellian 1984 type of control on my part. Finally I had enough and frankly told him I didn't see his problem or why he was making such a huge song and dance. he then stated that it was his right to freedom of speech, that he felt violated and that I'd idiologically raped him.

My god! how the hell can he use such language so casually? Needless to say he doesn't know my history or the effect of that, but how the hell does he equate not being able to say " v i a g o r a" on a message board with rape? What planet is he on and how could he accuse me?

This shouldn't get to me, I know he's an idiot on his own liberal hobby horse, but just seeing that accusation directed at me was plane sick, ---- I had to restrain myself from telling this idiot to be glad he didn't know what violation and rape really! meant.

Why am I so dam sensative! I know it's my fault, I should be over this especially by now, but it just seems recently too much has got to me.

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#456211 - 12/06/13 04:23 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
You are absolutely due your feelings and in my opinion you are not being overly sensitive. The R word is on the same level of other words I regard with the first letter (N, C, F, etc.). And I can relate - my closest friend says it all the time about some change at work or his favorite sports team being R'd by the referees... I hate it. I want to yell at him - hey unless you know how that really feels dont use that word so casually!!!

I get it man.
_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
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Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#456222 - 12/06/13 05:53 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
I think it was the direct accusation here that was difficult. I'm quite fine with say something "violating the law" or something like that, but the fact that this idiot actually accused me!

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#456224 - 12/06/13 06:16 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3365
Loc: O Kanada
"language is a virus"

it can infect me if i don't work on my immune system.
sanitary precautions and sterilizing procedures are not enough.

hygiene can only reduce my risk of exposure,
but immunity is always my best defense.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456239 - 12/06/13 08:23 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Hey mate. A couple thots. As stated above, you are due your feelings. Another thot re "Why am I so dam sensative! I know it's my fault, I should be over this especially by now...."

Skip the self-judgment. Ain't easy. But skip it. It's YOUR fault? Really? Nah. You SHOULD be over it? On who's schedule? I like to call it comparing my insides to others' outsides. (Man, I'm just a wealth of wisdom tonite, huh?)

My other thot is that your audiogames.net buddy may simply be young, stupid, bored or looking for an outlet for his anger. imo, to hell with him. I dunno if this is an option, but as forum manager is there some TOS action you can take regarding his vitriol?

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#456263 - 12/06/13 11:49 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I think alot of people use that phrase very loosely and I am offended by it. I think most people don't intend to hurt people but don't know what they are doing.

Perhaps Lancer is right we are a little bit more sensitive to it but I think, its still wrong to use the word so cavalierly.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#456360 - 12/08/13 04:53 AM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Well unfortunately there's not a lot I can do with this since generally the rule (actually set up by me), is against malice rather than specific language. So calling someone an idiot with intent to do them down is seen as worse than actual swear words. That system has worked surprisingly well, but since this person wasn't intending to be malicious but just question a forum rule there's not a lot I can do officially and any decision just motivated by my emotions would be unreasonable.

Yes, I did think about kicking him off the forum, but that wouldn't be fair.

Maybe part of the reason I'm so sensative is I do genuinely love language, it's sound, it's meanings and expression, not as something to study but as something to literally experience like music, after all I am synaesthesic as is my understanding of language, therefore to me explicit language is a lot more real and personal.

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#456509 - 12/10/13 05:15 AM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 293
I can understand how that would upset you, I don't like it either when people use the R. so casually.
I even managed to get my friends to stop using it so much, without revealing why it bothers me. But I guess they grew up a bit and realised that yeh, it's stupid to say things like that.
But you can't avoid it all together.
And I wouldn't blame myself for being sensitive about it.
And you dont 'have' to be 'over' it by now.. There is no timelimit.

And I do think you can tell him that it's ok to question rules but that it's been properly mauled to death by now and that if he keeps complaining you will give a warning, or something.
And that he can't use that kind of language to a mod.
Maybe.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#456510 - 12/10/13 05:32 AM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Well I've not threatened him with an actual warning or anything more serious, since for that you'd need to do something malicious, and simply questioning how the forum is run is fine.

But I've told him whilst not wearing my moderation hat that I find his comparrrison disgusting irrispective of whatever the issue is, that his comparrison and language are entirely out of order on that matter and make a mockery of the suffering of victims of sa.

So, I've separated out the language issue from the forum discussion one. Having done that, I explained again why we had language filters on the forum and interestingly enough while other members have left the sa issue be, they have at least questioned why this particular fellow has such a grudge against the language filters and one even asked why he felt it necessary to launche personal attacks against others.

He's not replied, and while he's been a useful member in the past, game reviews, recordings, good tech advice etc, I don't particularly care if he's gone for good at this point in time.

Luckily of course, being a web forum I was able to deal with the issue once I calmed down, I don't know what my response would be in rl, ---- well actually I do, I'd utterly freeze, go cold and be unable to speak which is my usual trigger response, then get pissed off later in private.

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#456553 - 12/10/13 07:46 PM Re: Casual language hurting, people are sick! [Re: dark empathy]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 293
Looks like you dealed with it well smile
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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