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#455733 - 12/01/13 06:18 PM Frantic Anxiety ****Triggers Possibly****
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 77
Loc: southeast
Guys i dont know what i am going to try to say but i will say it and ask for your input....

At the time i was assaulted at age 7, though not violently, it was during the time of a frantic episode...my sister had injured herself on a piece of farm equipment....my mom yelled frantically for dad...sense of urgency.....and the guy i was left with molested me....i recall it being a brief episode, as shortly after i was left with this guy, dad came back to the barn and took me to the field to drive the tractor in my sisters stead....

when i was 10 or 11 when things were 'frantic' with mom around the house...trying to raise 4 kids, help dad farm, etc, there was a general high anxiety/frantic type environment...when i would escape to the neighbors house to peruse an older guys stash of porn....xxx....and always focused on the men, and eventually upon maturing turned to mast. thus the associations.

i realize the initial insult of molestation was 'guy imprint' on my mind, and the porn opportunity just cemented that into my mind such that i learned porn/the male anatomy and masturbation was the "pain killer" for my uncertainty in the high anxiety home i grew up in.....such that today i have id'd frantic-ness, uncertain circumstances, chaos as major triggers for me to act out....when life circumstances hit me, and i don't know how to deal with them i tend to act out, not so much in the last 6 months in the extreme fashion, but more toward clutching my genitals and if not careful medicating myself with mast. even without fantasizing or anything like that...like i just have to have the uncertainty of the circumstances quelled. I do not see mast. as necessarily wrong, but i prefer it not to be my resort amidst anxious times , which will exist as long as i live.....my question is i suppose..what do you do? what do you do to reach thru the moment...to live thru it..to know things are gonna be alright...that this too will pass in a few moments(hopefully).

anyhow..that's my thoughts. I just hate the fact that i am almost 'driven' to do the thing that usually leaves me guilty feeling and generally misshapens the emotional state making the guilt feeling replace the anxiety of the moment.

any ideas....i know you are not me and all, but input would help...i'd just like to detangle the anxiousness of situations from my tendency to find pleasure in the 'wrong' way.

thanks

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#455734 - 12/01/13 07:04 PM Re: Frantic Anxiety ****Triggers Possibly**** [Re: freeze-on]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 811
Loc: michigan
hey bud
I know this sounds like a broken record but you are not alone. after some of the early abuse I stumbled on masturbation. It came to become my stress relief and I still use it much that same way. when things get me upset or anxious I tend to go there. I really cant say how to break the habit because it is still troubling to me too. What has been suggested to me is trying to build new associations and develop new coping strategies when times get stressful maybe take a walk or workout in some way. I don't know if that helps but its all I have
jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#455735 - 12/01/13 07:50 PM Re: Frantic Anxiety ****Triggers Possibly**** [Re: freeze-on]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 191
Loc: Virginia
Hi Freeze On,

I used to have lots of problems with anxiety too. Mine weren't connected to anything sexual, just one more gift from my childhood. I learned to do a few things. First, I learned to recognize those people around me who were good at pushing my anxiety buttons.

Second, I learned how to defuse them when yet another "emergency" happened, by stopping, taking a deep breath or two, and then calmly asking them what's got them so upset. When they eventually stopped blathering and finally explained exactly what the "problem" was, it generally turned out to be either nothing at all or something very minor. Sometimes when they'd explain it, they'd get embarrassed when they too realized how minor it was (and how self-evident the answer was.)

Third, having learned how to calm them down and frame their "problem" in a few sentences, I learned how to keep them from automatically making it MY problem. I would ask, "what would YOU do in that situation?", let them answer, and then suggest they do it. I learned not to automatically volunteer to save the day yet again.

Fourth, I made a major breakthrough: I learned that my job is not to save the world. If someone in my family needs their backside wiped, they know where to find the toilet paper. Once in a while someone is truly stuck, and in those rare cases I'll intervene. But not all the time.

Fifth, I also learned how to meditate. I VERY STRONGLY recommend "Anxiety and Panic Attacks" by Robert Handly and Pauline Neff. This little book saved my sanity by teaching me how to drop into a meditative state whenever I want with absolutely no side effects, and it's virtually eliminated my anxiety. Now when a real problem develops, I'm like a paramedic-- I calmly but instantly do what needs to be done, but with zero anxiety.

It sounds like your MB is a way to numb the anxiety that's affecting your life. I've got no problem with MB, but hopefully the above will be a more satisfactory way to take the heat off yourself.

Hope this helps. It has worked for me big time.

Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#455783 - 12/02/13 08:32 AM Re: Frantic Anxiety ****Triggers Possibly**** [Re: freeze-on]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 77
Loc: southeast
Thanks fellas...i ordered the book...and thanks for the advice.
It is helpful to identify these things, and even more helpful when others are there for support. i appreciate that.


chas

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#456633 - 12/11/13 10:08 PM Re: Frantic Anxiety ****Triggers Possibly**** [Re: freeze-on]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 191
Loc: Virginia
Freeze-on,

...And Jeff (newground) is right. Carve out some time for either a workout, some meditation (lunch time at work is a great time for that,) or some walking/running. I enjoy all three several times per week, and this also helps. smile

Bob


Edited by gettingstronger (12/11/13 10:09 PM)
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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