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#455711 - 12/01/13 03:36 PM Evil
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
Last night I was looking at 2 old black and white photographs.

Me at 3 ... the avatar on my profile,

and a picture of Harvey taken at about the same time.

Go to You Tube and search

Poppy Family ... "Where evil grows" ...

Select the second choice ...
the album cover with the Canadian Flag.

This song is strangely compelling.
All I have to do is change the focus of the lyrics onto myself.

I didn't remember my abuse until I was 36.
My whole life I have carried a face in my mind ...
Harvey.
That was the ideal I sought ... for many years
in the faces of the men I was attracted to ...
but more to the point ...
the craving I could not stop for a man that looked like the face
and a yearning for it to look at me ...
with desire.
He had to show that he wanted me.

I searched for him anywhere and everywhere ...
even after I became aware of my CSA.
He still has the power to elicit very mixed messages ...
confusing emotions ...
the least of which can only be described as simple lust.

He was a family friend I must have liked and trusted
or I wouldn't have gone with him ... how many times?
Even at that tender age I was starved for affection
human warmth
and eager to please in order to get it.


Evil grew in the back seat of your 57 Caddy Coupe de Ville.
No one warned me about you ... how could I know?
I still feel the heat.
Every time I see your face
evil grows in me.
You still live in the dark
in the cracks and holes in my soul
where the sun it doesn't shine.
I just can't build a wall around you ...
and the memory of you ... your will
I can never kill.

Your in my mind ...
and live there still.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#455944 - 12/04/13 12:48 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3546
Loc: O Kanada
that song is excellent.
i had a long conversation with susan jacks earlier this year.
she lives in my hometown.

we talked about that song as a matter of fact.
it has been covered by a few punk and metal bands around town because the poppy family (terry and susan jacks) are local legends around here.



another version of same song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxyKOsJPH7E
live "poppy family" from the 1960's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPo7IODi54I
another great song by terry jacks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoiXO5eXzvA



_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455946 - 12/04/13 02:08 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
Thnx for sharing that music with me ...
It seems strange that the punk version ... toxic and full of anger ...
doesn't hit me the same way as the poignant original.
You'd think angry would fit better.
I've discussed the issue of my attraction to men who look
like my first perp with the T's I've had over the years ...
and as much as I understand the logic behind it ...
I don't understand.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#455954 - 12/04/13 03:23 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
Music has a profound effect on me ...

Many songs echo lyrics that either speak almost word for word
what I would say ...
or express the sentiment so clearly it hurts.

I'll share another with you.

I torture myself often with this one ... and it never fails to make me cry.
I'm listening to it now.
It epitomizes my concept of
'gifts given' and 'gifts lost' ...
and worse yet ... those taken away from me.

Luck and Fate.
I consider myself eternally lucky that I was blessed with the ability to feel
and experience the kind of love we have for each other ...
and cursed with the fate that stole it away.

The song is filled with the sadness and pain I feel ...
the regret that I regret ...
and the bitterness I carry over the fact that it didn't have to end the way it did.
But for the weakness of another we would still be in each others lives.

A few words of clarification ...

Even at the very worst we never exchanged harsh words.
What was said had to be said ... and it was me who had to say it.
The bitterness was not aimed at each other ...
but at the reality that could not be overcome.
We couldn't get over what was said.
We were in too deep.
We couldn't keep the promises we made.

... " Things like this can always take a little time ... "
... " I always thought we'd be together down the line ... "
... " Envy love that passes by out on the street ... "
... " What they have I couldn't keep ... "
... " Without you I'm not the same ... "

Time has healed nothing ... not even after more than 20 years.
I don't wonder who let in the rain ...

I wonder why.

Listen to ...
" Who let in the rain "
by Cyndi Lauper
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#455955 - 12/04/13 03:26 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
KentuckyPoet Offline


Registered: 11/18/13
Posts: 39
Loc: Kentucky
I'm not lying. As I read your poem, I am listening to Cyndi Lauper! Change of Heart is playing right now. It's The Essential Cyndi Lauper.
_________________________
The whole world changes in a single bloom- Me in a poem

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#455957 - 12/04/13 03:40 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3546
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Shyshark
Thnx for sharing that music with me ...
It seems strange that the punk version ... toxic and full of anger ...
doesn't hit me the same way as the poignant original.
You'd think angry would fit better.


i prefer the original by far to any other version i have heard of this song.
anger can be served up hot or cold.
evil comes in many flavours and frequencies.

"A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."
     ~ Joseph Conrad

"There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance."
     ~ Socrates

"To do evil, a human being must first of all believe that what he's doing is good."
     ~ Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it."
     ~ Daniel Waterse

Originally Posted By: Shyshark
and as much as I understand the logic behind it ...
I don't understand.


"Logic will never replace love."
     ~ Leonard Nimoy

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."
     ~ Walt Whitman

"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?"
     ~ Ursula K. Leguin

"From an internal point of view insanity isn't the problem. Insanity is the solution."
     ~ Robert Pirsig

"An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior."
     ~ Viktor Frankl

"When you do not understand something, to recognize that you do not understand it, that is understanding."
     ~ Kung Fu Tzu (Confucius)

"Nature did not make human brains first, and then construct things according to their capacity to understand."
     ~ Galileo Galilei



_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456246 - 12/06/13 09:24 PM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 206
Loc: canada
I'm the same way with music
Moods, times, people, events
I've got a song for it all
I am good to go for the soundtrack when they film the story of my life wink

Sometimes I don't know how I feel about something
Until I hear a certain song
And then it all makes sense

Same with other peoples writing, poetry, spoken word...
It clears things up for me, every time

Thanks for sharing

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#456279 - 12/07/13 02:23 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
OH GOD ...

v-v

I was just sitting here listening to some infomercial on tv and they were playing
the GRANDADDY of killers ...

"Without You"

It has to be the original by
Harry Nilsson
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#456280 - 12/07/13 02:45 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3546
Loc: O Kanada
i love that song.

the original is badfinger in 1970.
nilsson covered it in 1971.

harry's version gives me goosebumps.
it has a little more passion in the voice i feel.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456286 - 12/07/13 03:48 AM Re: Evil [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
I've listened to that song more times than I I can count
but listening to it tonight stirred something deeper ...
a meaning I hadn't considered before.
This was always about my wife and how I had to walk away from her ...
how I lost her.
Listen to it again as if it were a man ...
lamenting the boy he walked away from
abandoned and left behind.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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