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#457790 - 01/02/14 02:41 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 300
I spent some time thinking about what you said. I'm not sure if that's why though maybe it's part of it. It's all i know after all. When i think how many people i've let abuse me i feel like throwing up. I never really thought about it before i joined this site just now that i turned both B and my father in. My father and his family, the people in the child p.rn business, S and B and everyone in between. It sickens me. Why did i do that to myself? I know a lot of it was forced but not all of it.
I've let B do what he wanted for such a long time, of course he thougt my phatetic attempts to say no or stand up to him meant nothing. He'd have gotten tired of me eventually anyways i shouldnt have turned him in he doesn't deserve that after all those years. No wonder he gets mad when after everything he did for me he gets mad when i suddenly dont want to giv anything in return anymore. I know you guys will disagree probably, but you dont know ho it used to be.. All the things ive done.... Im fcking pathetic
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#457793 - 01/02/14 02:59 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 300
.

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#457810 - 01/02/14 12:14 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3487
Loc: somewhere in Africa
are you OK, Sven?
you don't have to explain everything.
but i am concerned that you are safe.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#457811 - 01/02/14 12:22 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 300
I'm not planning on doing something dumb if that's what you mean.
I just am not so sure if anyhting i've done lately was the best thing to do.
Appereantly I also still have to give a statement or something if I want to complete the turning B. In thing. Right now there is some physical evidence collected and me admitting to some things that happened and who B is.. But appereantly i have to make it official or something. Not sure if I want or should go trough with it. Don't know anything right now but that i feel terrible and pathetic i guess.
Sorry i didn't mean to worry anyone.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#457813 - 01/02/14 12:30 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3487
Loc: somewhere in Africa
thanks for replying. i didn't mean to pressure you - but i have lost a couple of friends and i don't take silence lightly.

i can't tell you what you should do - but from a previous post of yours - i want to say that you do not need to feel responsible for the comfort or protection of the abusers. you owe them nothing. they used you and abused you and got what they wanted. your best choice is to do what is best for you. i hope you can find a way to find safety and protection - healing is impossible until you find that security.

take care of yourself!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#458396 - 01/10/14 06:11 AM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 300
So the police questioned B. after i finalised my report against him. Then they released him on tge grounds he cant leave the country cant contact met ect.
In short this is what B said to the police.

He met me when I was 17 for the first time.
I initiated the sex after we had talked briefly a few times, but because I was underage and under the influence of alcohol he said no each time.
I was mad at him for saying no to me and we didnt see eachother a few months.
Then at the end of july I found him in a bar, drunk, and i used that to my advantage ect, told him i'm legal now, whats stopping you ect and then i forced him to have sex with me in the bathroom there and later at his place.
He didnt want to see me after that but I kept coming over to his place and we ended up having sex 3 more times, the last time dec 31st.
After wich he told me we couldnt see eachother anymore, at wich i became furious and said i would tell the police that he had raped me and that he had broken my wrist. He claims he didnt know about any sexual or physical abuse by my father.

Wow. What a load of %$<##%$$^. But who will the police believe? Or more inportantly, what can be proved?

I'm not sure what to do. I'm just gah... All anxious feeling or something idk how to explain it.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#458415 - 01/10/14 12:54 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3487
Loc: somewhere in Africa
(((Sven))) -

Yeh, it is maddening to have lies told about you - especially when he makes himself look like the victim and you the abuser. I believe that time will reveal the truth.

Two good things - 1. Now he is on the "radar " of the police - they will be aware of him and his future actions will be subject to scrutiny.
2. Since he has been told not to contact you, if he does, you can report him and hopefully get enforcement. It will be important for you to follow up on this. Especially if he hurts you again or threatens to.

Remember - there are more of us on MS who believe you than whoever took his report and minght have doubts.


Edited by traveler (01/10/14 12:55 PM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#458471 - 01/11/14 04:19 PM Re: So the secret is out... [Re: Sven]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3421
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Sven
But who will the police believe? Or more inportantly, what can be proved?


while this is relevant from a legal viewpoint (and it is good that you recognize and understand this) what it most important right now is your safety and health.
please protect your self physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
that would be my number one priority.
it is true that we all need to rely on ourselves, but it is also true that it is much more difficult to do it alone...

so please don't stop reaching out until you find the support you need.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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