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#455507 - 11/29/13 10:08 PM I told her
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Holy shit I finally broke down and told her. I only told her a little bit that my uncle molested me when I was 3 and 4 years old and left it at that. She only asked a couple questions like why I didn't tell my parents and I replied I may have I just don't remember telling them. I told her I am remembering more things. I told her what my uncle did and how he did it did not get into any major details. She said she feels bad for me and asked why I didn't say anything 20 years ago I replied I am just now recalling things and putting it together. She said she wouldn't ask me a lot of questions. I think it has to sink in. Tomorrow will be interesting I know she will have to ask more questions. It's a start a grain of sand on a beach but it's a start

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#455515 - 11/29/13 10:20 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 72
Loc: southeast
I think of it as a boulder on a beach. A very giant start. Hang in there man.

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#455516 - 11/29/13 10:20 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3322
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Wow, F - !!!

that is a HUGE step - and i am so impressed that you went through with it. i hope it is a big weight lifted off your mind. and i believe it will be a significant transition to a new phase of being real and honest - not only with your wife - but also with yourself. sounds like she handled it really well. i'm sure that must have been a major worry for you. be prepared for some awkwardness at times - but just try to do what you can do. talk when you feel like it - ask for a pass when you need to. but it is great that you have another supporter. you may need to teach her what you need. maybe have some things for her to read to explain some of the common patterns of survivors' behavior, etc.

anyway - congratulations on your courage - and keep up the good work!
LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#455517 - 11/29/13 10:25 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Lee thanks it is a huge step just getting started. I will keep y'all posted. It's going to take years to tell her the majority of it. But I'm ready for whatever happens I can't hide any more

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#455518 - 11/29/13 10:26 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Mr freeze thanks

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#455522 - 11/29/13 11:18 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3143
Loc: O Kanada
holy cow!

you did it!

this is big.

i feel relieved, now that the truth is out there.

i really hope it all works out between you two.

she will need some time,
look how long you needed.

this is a few start, and a new beginning.

please keep us posted.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455577 - 11/30/13 01:29 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Great job F!
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#455598 - 11/30/13 05:15 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Good work F!! Now you have her working with you. It will help her understand your ups and downs and bad days. After knowing my wife for 30 years, we have been married 26, I told her for the first time just last June. I know how hard this is. Proud of you.

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#455603 - 11/30/13 06:38 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Thank you everyone

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#455609 - 11/30/13 08:07 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 608
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Congratulations F!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy you have broken your own silence. Secrets are so poisonous for me. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#455612 - 11/30/13 08:30 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Ya man I told her. She hasn't said A word about it not even a sign of asking about it. I guess time will tell

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#455644 - 11/30/13 10:21 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 148
Loc: Virginia
I'm proud of you! I can't add much to what's already been said above, but this is great. Congratulations!

Bob

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#455645 - 11/30/13 10:25 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Bob
It's a start thanks man.

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#455647 - 11/30/13 10:32 PM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3322
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Frustrated
She hasn't said A word about it not even a sign of asking about it. I guess time will tell


it may be that she is respecting your boundaries and privacy - and waiting for you to take the lead. you may need to give her permission to talk about it - to ask questions, etc. it is unlikely that she doesn't want to know more. she may also even be afraid of what she might learn. it will probly be easier for you to follow up on it if not too much time goes by. so - you may want to think about what your next step might be.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#455688 - 12/01/13 07:29 AM Re: I told her [Re: Frustrated]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
Frustrated,

Your disclosure was very brave and a big step in healing. Don't be afraid by silence. It took my wife about a week to really say anything to me after reading my story. When we finally did talk, she confessed to taking a hammer to all of the Christmas decorations my mom had given her - her way of expressing herself for my moms failure to protect me.

Stay Strong,
Matt
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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