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#455426 - 11/29/13 08:18 AM question about interview
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 811
Loc: michigan
hey guys
just a question I may have an opportunity to be involved in an article on female on male abuse. My first abusers were female and I feel that had the most powerful effect in my life but my question is what would YOU tell the interviewer? what do we need for the world to know? I would never use names or even screen names but I would be curious if you all have anything more to say. I think I need to start by saying

1.)It DOES HAPPEN it is real the stereotype that women are too nurturing or whatever to commit rape is bull
2.)It does lasting damage that goes far beyond the abuse itself in terms of who I feel I was as a boy and am as a man.
3.) it is NOT a good thing, not training or a score for the boy.The stereotype that men are all about wanting sex is not true of every male and certainly not true of a 5 year old.
4.) The fact that my penis was hard does NOT necessarily mean I was "in the mood" or thinking of sex. little boys don't think that way but we do get hard.
I am not sure at this point that I will be able to do the interview but if I do I would love to have as much input to share as possible. what would YOU say to her?
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#455430 - 11/29/13 10:26 AM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
triumphj Offline


Registered: 11/15/13
Posts: 4
Loc: California
The issues I have faced stem from this. I was also raped by men later in life. I remember as a nine year old the same thoughts. I didn't know what was happening. My body did what I guess was natural but the secret consumed me the rest of my life. I was abused over a three year period until it finally stopped. I have just now at 56 started to really deal with it.

I don't remember much about the actual acts just the fear of the consequences if I were to tell someone. I lived in an abusive home physically and mentally. My father was a victim I am sure of physical abuse by an alcoholic father. My Mother was very small and a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps. She was able to somewhat fight back but was also physically abused in front of us.

I lived my life including two marriages and now a third with this.My third wife has finally brought out the truth.

Good luck and hope a message is given that it is real and the consequences just as devastating.

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#455461 - 11/29/13 01:55 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 206
Loc: canada
Sorry in advance, my thoughts are a bit muddled these days, so hopefully I will make some amount of sense.
People who know about my abuse usually ask why i didn't physically stop it once I was big enough (quick background - abused by mother from young - 16). Certainly i wasn't being physically forced or even threatened, not really since I was very little. Even by 12, 14, for sure by 16 I was big enough to at least try to stop it. Some people don't get how it can be abuse if there was no physical threat, and worse if you look like a willing participant. I think I get a bit of a pass because my perp was my mom, so people do see that as 'wrong', but I imagine if she wasn't it might not be as clear. I guess my point is that some people see abuse as being a threat, real or imagined, making people do things they don't want to do. In my case it was less of a threat and more manipulation, subtle but just as damaging. My father also abused me, but was more physically threatening. Its clearer to people how that can happen. The manipulation, the lies, the playing the victim - thats what gave my mother power as the abuser.

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#455465 - 11/29/13 02:31 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 811
Loc: michigan
my first abuser was a female babysitter I think I do understand your feelings bey I still have a hard time saying no to people especially females I tend to have a need to please and have a hard time saying no. and yea triumph I didn't know had not a clue and she called me a perv! what the heck does that even mean at 5-6 years old? it just caused me shame. I felt like something was wrong every time it got hard. so it all just kept building over the years
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#455467 - 11/29/13 03:04 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
I was abused by three male family members starting at age 3 I'm still not sure when it stopped I'm still remembering things. As far as girl on boy I'm not sure how this fits but my first female encounter I was 13 and she was 17 I was drunk and we had sex in a bed. I'm not sure if this was abuse but I guess it could have been. I didn't have sex with a female again till I was around 17. I was too busy drinking and doing drugs.

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#455479 - 11/29/13 04:43 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 605
Newground,

I'm really proud of you of having the courage to do this interview. Talking about female-male abuse is not easy. I don't have much to add to what the others have said already, just that victims of this type of abuse often suffer in silence, and are often utterly confused at the things that happened because of the insidious, subtle and covert emotional/psychological manipulation that goes on behind that scenes, all of which eventually groom the victim and program him into thinking that he was complicit in everything.

All the best with this endeavor, I'm rooting for you and so grateful to have a voice in you.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#455491 - 11/29/13 06:30 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 815
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Newground,

I having warning bells going off for me. It would be critical that the person doing the interviewing was a professional doing research and NOT an amateur reporter looking for a story. It could be very damaging and very triggering to you to have someone questioning your veracity. If this is simply a news story, it needs to be handled by a professional. I'm not hearing anything in it for you except publicity. I hope you are able to think of the damaged child part of you, and are able to know that space will feel safe in the interview.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#455652 - 11/30/13 10:47 PM Re: question about interview [Re: newground]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 373
Loc: NY
Newground:

Perhaps I am hedging here, but I would not so much want to tell a female interviewer something as much as ask her to consider some difficult questions.

For instance, is it possible that during the period of women's liberation, which included sexual liberation, that some women may have gotten the wrong message, i.e. gone too far and not understood that they could damage as well? If we only understand relationships as based in some kind of power struggle, is it possible that we may never be able to establish healthy boundaries between the sexes based on sexuality?

An interview on the subject will aid the cause of showing that men can be abused too. But I also wonder if it could shed some light on the particular ways that women can be abusive. A lot more is understood on the subject when the man is the perpetrator. The idea that a woman could somehow do this is probably beyond most people's imagination. That's why speaking to the point and exploring how women can be sexually aggressive and cross boundaries like men might be the most thought provoking part of any article on the subject.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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