you have described, very well, the horror i went through the day i experienced drowning off the coast of Kho Samui in Thailand.
it got swept out with a rip tide, tossed by huge waves,
lost my mind and my consciousness several times,
but still managed to make it back to the island.
unfortunately i did not even have a piece of wood to cling to.
this ordeal lasted for quite some time,
the sun set and i was force to struggle in pitch black.
if it wasn't for my future wife's voice calling me,
i would never have known what direction to swim.
your poem put me right back there in the water.
this is the paradise in which i nearly died.
for more info about chaweng beach visit http://www.amazingsamui.com/chaweng.htm
cheating death changed my life forever.
any way, your metaphors are more than realistic.
they kicked me into a flashback.
you sure know how to picture and portray it poetically.
have you actually experienced drowning?