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#454820 - 11/22/13 06:24 PM let me understand this… you want to do what to me?
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
I was in the bar last evening with a friend. Deserved a beer and had one. We were sitting there chatting with the other patrons, one dude I am acquainted with looks at me, smiles big, and announces in front of the others I don't know…. that he is….
… going to rape my ass….

Holy smoly!! I know he meant no harm, but wow, after the week and a half of thoughts I've had, etc, and the therapy gone bad and yatta, yatta… why could not he have just said, "hey, man. that black jacket looks good on you. let's have a drink sometime." or whatever……. but he wishes to rape me. By public decree. I know he said it in jest and that he was at the bar drinking before I arrived but still...

Sometimes I think I want to just stay inside and never go out. But I don't want to do that again. I can't imagine ever going through an ordeal like that again, the rape I mean. Mine was oral rape, not anal, but who keeps a road map. Bodily entry is bodily entry. Wonder what would have happened if I had said to a group of almost and definite strangers that I had already been there, done that, and it wasn't so long ago. Suppose I had said, "Hey, dude, thanks, but I think I will pass on the rape thing. Tried it a few years ago and I am still cleaning up the emotional mess."

Of course, I left the group within seconds, and the building a few minutes later, but I wish people, especially the nice people you meet, and he is a nice guy, would begin to think what effect a sexual assault joke could have on the person its directed at.

Later on, she (my friend) drove me to my car so i wouldn't have the need to walk past the bar alone, or walk the two blocks to my vehicle in the dim street light. The guy's comment in front of the strangers just made me think of my safety, and rightly so.
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For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#454827 - 11/22/13 07:01 PM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Loc: Cascadia
Really sorry to hear you were subjected to that. Be warry of rape jokes though.

A guy I REALLY liked and who seemed really into me once told me "I am going to rape you one day". I flinched, felt disgusted and unsafe but lumped it up to being too sensitive. He was so nice and caring - nothing like a rapist. A few months later he carried out that promise and stated his will to infect me with HIV.

I don't think people who make those kinds of jokes should be trusted.
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“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#454911 - 11/23/13 08:14 PM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
votecthulhu- thanks man. You make an excellent point that no matter our age, our experiences, people who make those kind of jokes have something going on inside their heads that should make us wary. I am sorry that happened to you.
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For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#454913 - 11/23/13 08:39 PM you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3329
Loc: O Kanada
again, it comes down to public awareness and education.
empathy and sensitivity are not inherent.
ignorance will never be obsolete, i fear.
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Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454927 - 11/24/13 03:04 AM Re: let me understand.. you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1513
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: ThisMan
...one dude I am acquainted with looks at me, smiles big, and announces in front of the others I don't know…. that he is…… going to rape my ass….

I'm with the others on this. Announcing his intent to commit sexual violence....in jest? This is not how a friend of any sort talks to or about you. If he found you attractive, threatening to rape you is not the way a normal person would express that.

Imagine if a guy said this to/about a woman in mixed company? "Hey baby, you look hot enough to rape" The woman would be within her rights to kick his ass. And she'd probably have help from the others present. Your story is no different. Maybe this is not the crowd to hang with.

*Content removed by ModTeam


Edited by ModTeam (11/25/13 10:34 AM)
Edit Reason: Images must be fully clothed
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#454928 - 11/24/13 03:41 AM not funny [Re: Cthulhu]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3329
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: votecthulhu
Be warry of rape jokes though.


*Images removed


Edited by ModTeam (11/25/13 10:39 AM)
Edit Reason: General remarks disparaging groups are not permitted.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455041 - 11/25/13 05:50 PM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1307
Sorry to hear you had to deal with that. I get hit on enough when we go to the local watering hole, but every now and then I get a comment that jokingly implies force. It never really triggers me, but I never find those remarks funny or even playful. Really - I think the people that say them have no clue what they are talking about. If they did, they'd be as sensitive about it as... well we are. Either that, or they really do have a rapist's twist...
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#455968 - 12/04/13 06:04 AM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
KentuckyPoet Offline


Registered: 11/18/13
Posts: 39
Loc: Kentucky
I had this jackass that hangs out at a friend's apartment say to me about four months ago, "So I heard about your NAMBLA membership and your thing for little boys" as a fucking joke! And I just sat there on the couch and used all of my mental powers to not smash his nose through his brain. Then I said calmly, "You can go fuck yourself." He, of course, has/had no knowledge of my abuse but who in all the world says that!? I should say, in recognition of my proper judgment of character, I already did not like the guy but that sealed it.
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The whole world changes in a single bloom- Me in a poem

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#456136 - 12/05/13 06:06 PM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 155
Loc: Virginia
Wow. Guys, sorry you had to deal with people like this. I'm always blown away by what comes out of some people's mouths. ThisMan, stay safe out there but don't let a-holes like this turn you into a hermit.

I had a very good friend (now deceased) who had the same bizarre sense of humor I have. We traded jokes that would have been grossly inappropriate around people other than ourselves all the time. However, we had known each other for years, we were both very comfortable with ourselves and not the least bit threatened by this sort of humor, and we were always out of earshot of anyone else.

I can't imagine making any such jokes/comments outside of a relationship like that. I would have felt threatened in your situations too. What they said was way out of line.
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Don't let "three steps forward and two steps back" bother you. Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#456677 - 12/12/13 10:35 AM Re: let me understand this… you want to do what to me? [Re: ThisMan]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 168
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Sadly it seems all too prevalent that people have little idea of the damage caused through stupidity and a total lack of anything resembling taste and empathy. I watched a "Saturday night live" show that we have over here from the Hammersmith Apollo (a venue in London) on the TV, the comedian through lack of original material seemed to think it fine and I guess in an attempt to be edgy heckled the audience repeatedly calling some poor guy in the front row "Paedo" it was truly sickening.
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Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter

J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit

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