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#454231 - 11/18/13 09:08 AM for SayItRight
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
and for every other man who needs to get it all off his chest:



Say What You Need to Say John Mayer

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' youd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#454431 - 11/19/13 10:17 AM Re: for SayItRight [Re: traveler]
SayItRight Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 68
Lee,

Thanks for thinking of me. I'll post a proper response soon, my schedule is pretty heavy the first few days of this week.

SayIt

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#454708 - 11/22/13 12:34 AM Re: for SayItRight [Re: traveler]
SayItRight Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 68
Lee:

As i said before: thanks for thinking of me. You are consistently encouraging.

One thing I liked in your post is that you didn't tell me to just say it (pet peeve of mine: people telling me to "just" do something, as though it were all so easy). I chose my user name for many, many reasons, including because I too am aware that I have "issues" saying all this, or parts of this.

You, and so many others here, have consistently been encouraging about pretty much anything I've said [written] here, any way that I've said it. I have been lucky to come across many people, including you, who see the difficulties I can encounter "saying" all this, or saying other things, and who take my side in that struggle.

My user name is not, as some seem to have assumed, a command to myself to "say it right" [to "say it right" or say nothing at all, for instance]. I used to live under such commands, and in danger from "saying it wrong" or, from "saying it right" and then having what I said used as the basis for/justifcation for the resulting... [in a place tonight where I can't even talk so much about even non-sexual abuse; just can't]. I wanted my user name to commemorate that particular aspect of the "no win" situation I used to live in too; there was much I was allowed or not allowed to say; much in terms of how I was allowed or not allowed to say things. Talking about any kind of abuse would never have been allowed, of course: I wanted to commemorate the idea of finally "saying" certain things I really need to say and the hope I have of, eventually, no longer fearing what I say in that regard, or how I say those things.

My user name also seemed to me to appropriately (and in a short phrase) express my hope that, despite so many previous attempts at therapy, I would "say [the same] things right this time" (despite having said them before) so that I didn't end up yet again, a couple years down the line, suffering so badly from ptsd-type stuff. When I first joined, things were very difficult for me with ptsd-related issues. Of course, I won't be saying only the same things; there is much even I know I avoided discussing during previous attempts at therapy.

In other words, my user name is a short way of expressing my desire to be more honest, more humble, and more open in therapy this time around. Joining MS was part of that same desire; logging in under my user name every time I come into the site has so far remained a helpful reminder to me of who it is I want to be this time around. My denial has cost me a lot up until now. I will take the help any way I can get it and, so far, I find my user name imbued with enough symbolism for me as to remain meaningful.

Lastly, I guess, talking about certain things can really trigger me (I believe I am not unique in this regard). I find there are ways I can deliberately trick myself sometimes into saying what needs to be said anyway. For example, I'll write (or say in therapy) phrases such as "if I were going to be honest right now, I'd say..." in order to thereafter allow myself to honestly (albeit indirectly) say things which could shut me down or trigger me if I said them more (directly) honestly.

That kind of trick might be strange, maybe no one can relate, but some tricks like that are simply what I do, something I've found I oftentimes really "need" to do and... they work for me. In this sense, "saying it right," (i.e. faking out my triggers) really helps me to say anything at all. I wish it weren't that way, I don't think it will always be that way, and/but I'm trying to work responsibly with the way it is in the meantime.

Again: I really appreciate the thought I hear you expressing with this video and song. I appreciate the encouragement. I fear it may be some time before I am able to get it "all" off my chest, but I am grateful to be in such good company as I work toward saying enough to experience significant healing.

SayIt


Edited by SayItRight (11/22/13 12:41 AM)
Edit Reason: typos

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#454865 - 11/23/13 08:53 AM Re: for SayItRight [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
SIR -

you a a very deep thinker. i had no idea that there was so much behind your "name" - but i am glad you explained. i especially like what you said about tricking yourself into being able to say things using that certain phrase - which i had noticed, by the way - and thought was a bit unusual. anyway - keep doing what you are doing - it seems to be working. yes - i am glad that you realized that i wanted to encourage you to keep "talking" - NOT to order you to "just blurt it out."

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top


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