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#454489 - 11/19/13 07:59 PM Gobsmacked...still
Valkyrie Offline


Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
I didn't want to intrude on another thread, so I'm starting another about a state of emotion we secondary survivors feel. Incredulousness. I marvel at how blind I was throughout the first 11 years of my relationship with H. Where I didn't put two and two together. Where I either ignored or didn't recognize the symptoms of something being very wrong. Where I didn't insist on talking about the obvious or demanding change for the things neither of us could ignore.

It makes me wonder where that puts us now that everything is out in the open. When he is finally getting help, getting stable, getting a little better over time, where does that leave us?

It's one thing to try and repair a marriage but when you question if you should....not because of the lies or the infidelity, but because you wonder if the foundation of your relationship was nothing but sand to begin with.

Did I ever really know him? Myself? How did we get here? Why are we still together?

Nearly two years after everything hit the fan and I sometimes find myself still in a state of shock over it all.


Edited by Valkyrie (11/19/13 08:37 PM)

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#454499 - 11/19/13 08:58 PM Re: Gobsmacked...still [Re: Valkyrie]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 708
Loc: NJ
I <3 this post.

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#454533 - 11/20/13 06:34 AM Re: Gobsmacked...still [Re: Valkyrie]
HopeDiesLast Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 62
Do you know him now? Do you know yourself now? Maybe these questions can provide an answer to why you're still together. Or maybe you're just in the process of getting to know each other and yourself. IMO, if you like the plot of land, you can always build a new foundation for new house if the old house was built on sand.

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#454555 - 11/20/13 12:50 PM Re: Gobsmacked...still [Re: Valkyrie]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 708
Loc: NJ
Hope - I love that. I have always felt that way - I like the plot of land. Amazing flowers once bloomed here wink

Val - I have a couple of mental tricks I play on myself. One of them was inspired by the book I always talk about "Getting the Love You Want" - and it relates to accepting that we were drawn together for a reason that was not initially apparent and became apparent only when we were drowning. Do you know what that is for you? Why did he pick you? And why did you pick him?

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