Newest Members
baltimura, YotaD55, giant251, Casey_SC, Xr2
12375 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
josacam (51), PhillyPa (39), sum1sun (39), time2heal (40)
Who's Online
5 registered (thrive-n-survive, bluesky, Damian1974, finallyhere, 1 invisible), 26 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12375 Members
74 Forums
63593 Topics
444254 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#454472 - 11/19/13 06:33 PM Taking It Like a Man
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 407
Loc: west coast
I am working through dealing with feelings about the effects of my CSA, my kids, my ex and my new relationship and one thing keeps rearing its ugly head

I suck at taking criticism


So I realized after talking to my friend the minister and my T that I don't and can't hear what others have to say when i get instantly defensive cuz i take it personally and catastrophize the shit out of it.

I have to accept that you cannot learn anything new without making mistakes. That has nothing to do with me personally - it's all about how the brain works.

So my new tac is to ask myself "like my abuser is this person deliberately trying to hurt me." If the answer is no ( its almost always no) , then i have the need, want , obligation and power to stay in the moment and not put up the walls or start firing back with attack cannons blazing.

What has worked for you? I think this is a key because survivors have so much to hide and protect I think we tend to let this coping mechanism push into other parts of our life.

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots."

- Frank A. Clark
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#454473 - 11/19/13 06:37 PM Re: Taking It Like a Man [Re: 1lifenow]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
My T gave me this to hang onto:
If you never receive criticism then either no one cares what you're doing or nothing you're doing matters.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

Top
#454478 - 11/19/13 06:50 PM Re: Taking It Like a Man [Re: Onesimus75]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: Onesimus75
My T gave me this to hang onto:
If you never receive criticism then either no one cares what you're doing or nothing you're doing matters.


I am totally stealing that...

Great summation.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.