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#454472 - 11/19/13 06:33 PM Taking It Like a Man
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 435
Loc: west coast
I am working through dealing with feelings about the effects of my CSA, my kids, my ex and my new relationship and one thing keeps rearing its ugly head

I suck at taking criticism

So I realized after talking to my friend the minister and my T that I don't and can't hear what others have to say when i get instantly defensive cuz i take it personally and catastrophize the shit out of it.

I have to accept that you cannot learn anything new without making mistakes. That has nothing to do with me personally - it's all about how the brain works.

So my new tac is to ask myself "like my abuser is this person deliberately trying to hurt me." If the answer is no ( its almost always no) , then i have the need, want , obligation and power to stay in the moment and not put up the walls or start firing back with attack cannons blazing.

What has worked for you? I think this is a key because survivors have so much to hide and protect I think we tend to let this coping mechanism push into other parts of our life.

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots."

- Frank A. Clark
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

#454473 - 11/19/13 06:37 PM Re: Taking It Like a Man [Re: 1lifenow]
Onesimus75 Offline

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
My T gave me this to hang onto:
If you never receive criticism then either no one cares what you're doing or nothing you're doing matters.
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

#454478 - 11/19/13 06:50 PM Re: Taking It Like a Man [Re: Onesimus75]
On The Fringe Offline

Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: Onesimus75
My T gave me this to hang onto:
If you never receive criticism then either no one cares what you're doing or nothing you're doing matters.

I am totally stealing that...

Great summation.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.


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