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#454408 - 11/19/13 05:11 AM true story.
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
warning : triggers

true story.

once upon a time,
i got involved with a foreign diplomat who happened to be a
member of a sexually permissive and promiscuous religious cult that i was considering.
he was trying to convince me to join.
i knew him over the course of a couple years.
he had 5 daughters and a wife.
he worked at the consulate.
he was also a smuggler and a musician, which is how we became acquainted.

he was often overseas, and we continued correspondence by mail.
we even discussed joining him on one of his missions eventually.
this was way back in the early 1980s and i was in my early 20s.

one night, while he was in town, we got drunk together.
he cried and told me that he wanted out of the cult.
he was having second thoughts about the "free love" ideology.
he revealed to me that the sexual activity included ritual abuse of the children.
the adults had the responsibility of "teaching" them that it was "natural" and there was "no shame".
this behaviour was encouraged openly within the cult,
but members were urged to conceal it from the "evil" outside world.
i saw this myself in material produced by the organization.
i won't go into detail, but it was detailed.
this has all become public record since then.

back to his story.
he claimed the cult was controlling his every move,
and he was feeling fear instead of love.
he had made the mistake of expressing his doubts to his wife.
she ratted him out, and called in the leaders to confront him.
together, they tearfully begged him to stop listening to the devil's voice,
which was any point of view other than the cult leader's.

he decided to leave,
but was unable to convince his wife to come with him,
and he was not allowed to take his children.

he returned, later, with the authorities,
but, by then, his family had disappeared.
this incident occurred in thailand.
the cult had camps all over the world,
and he had no idea where they could be.

now, the story gets bizarre.

while we sat there talking about this,
his telephone rang, and it was his wife,
calling from some secret location,
begging him to return to the cult.
she loved him, jesus loved him, god loved him, the leader loved him.
then to prove that his children loved him,
she put the eldest daughter on the phone to plead.

he kept asking where they were, sobbing,
but they did not disclose that information.

i sat and listened to the brief call,
and i was also able to overhear the other side of the conversation.
i heard his little girl saying, "daddy, please come back, i don't want you to go to hell. i love you." and so forth.
it was heartbreaking.

it did not seem fake.

i felt sorry for him, as he was pretty broken up after he hung up.
there was not much more to say, so we kept drinking and smoked some killer weed.
he went to bed and i passed out.

i was having an intensely erotic dream,
and suddenly snapped out of it.
he had snuck back into the room and had managed to undo my pants without waking me.
i looked down and he was going down.
i immediately pushed his head away and got angry.
not because of what he was doing,
but because it was without my knowledge or permission.
i had already been previously abused so often, and was living such a crazy life, this seemed like no big deal.
i was upset, but i still felt sympathy for him.

he mumbled some kind of apology, and left the room.
i left the house, and never saw him again.

what bothered me the most, for quite some time,
was how horny i had been in the dream.
i was having sex with a beautiful woman.
when i became conscious of reality, the arousal turned into such a sudden strong nausea, i literally almost threw up.
i feel sick right now, just remembering.

i felt betrayed that he hadn't had the decency to ask my permission, first.
at that confused and curious time in my life, under the influence as i was at that moment, i might have consented.
it wasn't a surprise or shock that he was bisexual.

he and his wife had already made several previous sexual propositions, including offers to join him and his wife together, but although i was interested and she was attractive, the offers were made during serious and sober situations, i would feel awkward and inhibited, and something always made me politely decline,
with a hint of "maybe later".

i learned that this was part of the recruitment process.
members were instructed to lure and entice potential members sexually.

as fantastic as this story may seem,
it is not fantasy.
i don't care if you believe me.

has anyone else ever felt the same?

or am i facing this alone?

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454780 - 11/22/13 11:33 AM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
SERIOUS TRIGGER!!

here is a very sad and terrible video testimony from the son of the leader.
*Content removed by ModTeam, per site Guidelines:
Quote:
MaleSurvivor does not condone the posting of the full names or other personal information that can lead to the identification of other users or members of the public at large on the website. Posts that include this information will be removed by site management. Repeated violations of this policy may lead to suspension and/or termination of the user’s posting privileges.



Edited by ModTeam (11/25/13 11:58 AM)
Edit Reason: Guideline Infringement
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454916 - 11/23/13 10:22 PM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Hey, VV.

I made an attempt to watch, but when I realized the use of the gun, the loading of the magazine, the drinking of the beer…. I wasn't sure where the theme was going so I chose not to continue viewing. Just this visual combination along with some of the dialogue about "one shot, one kill" and the talk of "suicide" and the fact he admits he is currently thinking of such as he films himself, it seems threatening to me and I am not so certain it is appropriate in a healing environment such as MS.

Since I didn't watch in its entirety, and he continued speaking in this manner of despair, I need to ask if the young man remained living. Does he?
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#454918 - 11/23/13 11:40 PM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
short answer: no

long answer:
Quote:
*ModTeam removed, site guidelines prohibit posting content that can be used to identify survivors either on the site or the general public.

this is a sad situation.
still unresolved.

the family/cult still exists.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455010 - 11/25/13 11:52 AM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 180
hes a cutey- but i watched 20 mins of it and was wondering where is this going? was he sexually assaulted and killed himself or?? can u give us a cliffs note version
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#455037 - 11/25/13 04:59 PM Re: true story. [Re: Tyr]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
if anyone wants to view the video ...

contact me - PM.

the link has been removed by mods.

or search "family international" "children of god"
it's all on public record.

i warn you though. it is an ugly story.
triggers all the way through.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455038 - 11/25/13 05:13 PM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3399
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i read the post - but was a bit afraid of watching the video. watched the first 7 min. and then couldn't see the point.

i am familiar with the cult cited - had some contact with them back in the early 70s. i know that they had a practice of having their young members - teens-early 20s - have sex with outsiders as bait to lure them into involvement into their group.

another reason for my hesitation in watching further is that i was in another cult that had some similarities to C.O.G. - though not THAT one - pimping their members to hook prospective recruits - when i was a young adult. it still bothers me. not an episode i am proud of - but i was desperate for acceptance and a higher purpose in life and more structure and leadership. i sure found the latter - total control and domination. there was a benevolent-appearing paternalistic leader that appealed to my hunger for a good father-figure - boy was i WRONG!

in fact, years after i left the cult, i had nightmares about them coming after me. they did actually kidnap a few people i knew.

the cult i was in were abusive in other ways - mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually - but not that i ever heard of were they sexually abusive - as a part of their program, though individuals may well have been.

there are other religious cults - such as Tony Alamo's youth ranches - that systematically abused kids and teens as a regular practice:

http://religiouschildabuse.blogspot.com/2011/01/woman-married-to-cult-leader-tony-alamo.html

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#455174 - 11/27/13 03:06 AM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
well, i am glad and grateful you responded.

i had never considered what happened to me that night as sexual abuse.
after ten years of ms.org, i now know that it was.

i was so numb by that time, it did not even register.

but i never forgot what happened, or the feelings.

i don't know why this story has so suddenly surfaced in my current consciousness, but i am glad i got it all out of my system.

i have never disclosed the details before.

i feel blame and shame about what happened, although i am not sure why.

something to do with my age.
as an adult, i should have known better.
i had put myself in that position.
my search for the truth, and thirst for adventure, and addiction to adrenaline had led me into some fairly difficult and dangerous situations on several occasions.
it was a wild time in my history.
i willingly put myself at risk,
gambling with my precious life,
not understanding the true value.

and i accept the consequences of those actions.
but i did not consent to sexual contact on that occasion.
nor was there any implied interest or flirting going on.
i did not suspect or anticipate it would happen,
but, as i said earlier, it was not unexpected or shocking.
all this seems like a contradiction conundrum.
i was upset, felt betrayed, but not violated.
very confused about it.

as i file through the emotions i experienced that night, and during memories of it, the feelings are just a replay of every other SA event. just a different melody with the same notes.
i can see all this with the luxury of hindsight and the comfort of contemplation.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#455194 - 11/27/13 08:03 AM Re: true story. [Re: victor-victim]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3399
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Victor - we are so good at denial when it helps us deal with a painful situation or memory.

i am glad that you are finally able to see it for what it was. by now you know the better way to deal with it.

i am sorry that happened to you. any kind of abuse that is related to religion us especially heinous in my humble opinion.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#455263 - 11/27/13 04:16 PM Re: true story. [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: traveler
i was in another cult that had some similarities to C.O.G. - though not THAT one - pimping their members to hook prospective recruits - when i was a young adult. it still bothers me. not an episode i am proud of - but i was desperate for acceptance and a higher purpose in life and more structure and leadership. i sure found the latter - total control and domination. there was a benevolent-appearing paternalistic leader that appealed to my hunger for a good father-figure - boy was i WRONG!


same here.
more than a few times i got involved with fringe elements.
they were always there on the edge of society where i lived.
i always wanted to belong,
but i was never a joiner.

Originally Posted By: traveler
the cult i was in were abusive in other ways - mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually - but not that i ever heard of were they sexually abusive - as a part of their program, though individuals may well have been.


me too.
the groups i did get involved with on an initiate level soon lost their luster.
i never lasted long with any organization.


Originally Posted By: traveler
there are other religious cults


it seemed my whole life was one big search for secrets.
i must have investigated nearly every belief system out there.
picking up bits and pieces of my soul along the way.
i encountered many subcultures hidden within my own community.
none were a good fit for me.
elitism and empathy are hard to reconcile.
i ended up discovering my own truth, after a near death experience, and created my own cult by doing my own thing.
this eclectic operating system kept me going for twenty solid years before it crashed on the rock of reality and smashed into a billion glittering diamonds.
it is in the smallness of the debris that one can see the enormity of the disaster.
i was living the dream, but i am glad i woke up.
i have a whole new operating system installed now.


the road to recovery is continuously under construction.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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