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#454355 - 11/18/13 09:41 PM coffee date?
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 274
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I feel so aweful..about what i need.

I love men! But. I am a masculine guy.

I went bowling w/ some gay guys last week.

Recently, i joined a few gay dating sites.

The only reply i got for one site ...was a guy
who i met at bowling.
This guy does have some nice features,,, he definatley
is a great guy....at least very kind,friendly.

But ,,,i am not attracted to him and he said
he would like to go for coffee w/ me.
I hate it that i dont want to go for coffee w/ him.

Is this really sick of me?
He is so, nice ..he is attractive ...to a degree.

I am not special..
is there any way i can go to coffee w/ him w/o
making me available to him.
He may not even like me sexually.
I feel like such a jerk!

I need to respond.
I would go for coffee... but that is all.
Man, i have no patience and i am not even hot.

I am a little fat.
Nice face... good guy...but there are bettter
looking guys out there.

Any advice?

best wishes,
Goran

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#454368 - 11/18/13 10:53 PM Re: coffee date? [Re: Sterling]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 138
Loc: Cascadia
Goran,

a) You don't need to be perfect to be a attractive. There is no one standard of attractive body to which everyone is compared to. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Many people prefer bigger bodies. It's fine if you have a little fat. People will still find you attractive and you are still just as worthy as a gay man and a person in general.

b) You are not a jerk! It's okay not to like this guy!

c)Coffee is casual. If your interested in coffee go for coffee. He shouldn't have any expectations by asking you out for coffee. Be honest to yourself and to him. Having gay social contacts can lead to more gay social contacts and the possibility of meeting someone you are into.

d) you are special.

I am sorry this is so stressful for you right now. Going on dates and navigating friendships with gay men is something, i feel, that gets easier with time.

Hope I am offering some help,


-votecthulhu


Edited by Cthulhu (01/03/14 08:46 PM)
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#454369 - 11/18/13 11:03 PM Re: coffee date? [Re: Sterling]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 684
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Goran. Let me say first that if I were in your shoes I would be feeling all you are and probably a whole lot more. But here goes how I think and feel about it. By the way, I'm 64 and single and haven't dated in years.

First, you are really self-conscious about pretty much everything because you are putting yourself out there and are feeling vulnerable. Item: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO. IF YOU GO, YOU ARE NOT GOING THERE ON DISPLAY, YOU ARE GOING THERE TO SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING ABOUT HIM THAT INTERESTS YOU. YOU WILL MAKE YOUR OWN DETERMINATION BASED ON YOUR OWN FEELINGS WHETHER OR NOT AND/OR HOW MUCH OF YOURSELF YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH HIM AT A FIRST MEETING. YOU HAVE NOT ADVERTISED THAT YOU ARE GOING THERE TO HAVE SEX. IT IS POSSIBLE FOR THIS TO BE A TIME OF CURIOSITY FOR YOU BOTH. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO LET THE PRESSURE OFF YOURSELF, THEN HE MAY BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME. I SUSPECT HE MAY BE AS WORRIED AS YOU.

If you are able to take the pressure off yourself, then you may be able to allow yourself to just be curious, flexible, and flow with the moment. If that is not possible, then you may need to give yourself some boundaries in advance, like telling yourself you will limit the time you plan to spend so you aren't so nervous. Don't let external pressures determine your choices and don''t do anything that doesn't feel right for you. For you, a meeting with him is about you. For him, a meeting with you is about him. This is normal and natural. What you both have an opportunity to discover by meeting is whether or not you and him overlap in any way that is meaningful. If you go, Goran, I hope you are able to enjoy yourself at the level you are comfortable with.

Best wishes,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#454383 - 11/19/13 12:40 AM Re: coffee date? [Re: don64]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 274
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I am bored !!!

The world is BLACK!
The world is WHITE.
I dont give a shit about tonight !!!

No ...i think i need to shlllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooow
dawunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Yabba dabba doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Where the hellllllllllllllllllllll r youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
I could use to ...... ??????
i guess i should say thanks.
thanks
thanks
thanks
thanks
thanks.
gorin
goren
gohran
gorn
whateva shut me up !

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