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#45430 - 12/13/03 05:06 AM What to do?
malitovsky1 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/23/03
Posts: 11
Loc: Atlanta
It has been about 5 months since my repressed memories of my mother abusing me came out. I have had a terrible time however with all your help I am doing much better. After 2 psychiatric hospitalizations and a lot of counseling appointments. As I said it has been difficult to say the least. Since that time I have not spoken a word to my mother. I have not called her and she has not called me. Why she doesn't call me I do not know. I know she knows I am uncomfortable about her but I do not think she knows why. She would never admit to doing anything wrong.

I must be crazy because I miss her but do not feel it is right to see her after what I remember she did. But somehow I miss her. it sounds crazy I know. I feel left outside of my family. Should I bite the bullet and try to go back to when I did not know anything. I doubt I could do that though. I do not seem to be able to stuff my feelings like I used too. I know I am rambling but I am at a loss as to what to do????
Maybe one of you can help.

Thanks,
Gary


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#45431 - 12/13/03 05:45 AM Re: What to do?
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
gary,
this is one of the hardest decisions i had to make a year ago. at that point i was not sure about what mine did to me, i just started recalling the other abuse and the lies and emotional incest that i easily recognized. i decided that a) i could not be around her because i was just then recalling things, b) i would not be able to play as though nothing was going on in my heart, c) as sure as bears wipe in the woods she would start her games and i would have to call her on it because that is who i am. i had to stay away because i knew she would try to play me and i would not have accepted it then there would have been a major blowout that i would not have been able to handle. i have stayed away ever since. it is so hard, even after the recall of what she did to me directly (not being cryptic, just can't say it right now) from a few weeks ago, i still want so much to deny it ever happened. i want so much to think that my imagination kicked into overdrive. while that is possible, the effects of the body memories, dissociations, etc...are too much to ignore. i had to stay away from her for my own sanity and integrity. if i faced her i would have to confront her because it is who i am. if i confronted her in the current state of mind, then the situation would prompt something i don't want, the stigma of telling her exactly what i think and feel. do what you have to do for your own safety and piece of mind, gary.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#45432 - 12/13/03 08:27 PM Re: What to do?
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Gary,

You don't miss your mother; you want to be with a mother which you never had. The woman who abused you can't fufill that role.

She doesn't call you because she suspects that you might remember. Your new knowledge might have sent you to the hospital, but it has also sent her on the run away from you. You can point the finger at her and accuse. She worries.

Should you accuse. I got off easy because I didn't remember until after she died. Would I have accused if she were alive? No. I would just not show up anymore.

The hell with her. She isn't worth the argument that would ensue.

Harry


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#45433 - 12/13/03 10:38 PM Re: What to do?
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Gary,
I undestand how hard this must be on you. I dont have any real advice but wanted to give you a cyber hug (((((((((((((hgus)))))))))))))
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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