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#453915 - 11/15/13 11:32 PM A Priest and a Rabbi..../..
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1529
Loc: New England
A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and the future. "What position do you see yourself in a couple years from now?" asked the Rabbi to the Priest. "Well, actually, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" ask the Rabbi. "Well, I could become Arch-Bishop," said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, if I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible to become a full Bishop" said the Priest. "Okay, then what?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest, beginning to be a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" continued the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get frustrated, but replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right place at the right time and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope." "Yes, and then what?" continued the Rabbi. "Good grief!" shouted the Priest, "What do you expect me to become, God?" "Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"




Edited by Jude (11/16/13 03:32 AM)
Edit Reason: Original joke was in poor taste....really.
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#454323 - 11/18/13 05:09 PM Re: A Priest and a Rabbi..../.. [Re: Jude]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when
they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign
posted that says, “Covert to Catholicism and get $10.”

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His
friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”

“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”

Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes
out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”

Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454324 - 11/18/13 05:13 PM Re: A Priest and a Rabbi..../.. [Re: Jude]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the
answer to
‘Where do pets come from?’

Adam said, ‘Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every
day.
Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is
difficult for me
to remember how much you love me.’

And God said ‘No problem. I will create a companion for you that
will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so
that you
will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish
or
childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you
as you
are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.’

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was
a good
animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be
with Adam
and it wagged its tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the
Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘No problem. Because I have created this new animal to
be a
reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my
own name,
and you will call him Dog.’

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.
And Adam
was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged
his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to
the Lord
and said, ‘Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens
like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed
taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.’

And the Lord said, ‘No problem. I will create for him a companion
who will
be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion
will remind
him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy
of
adoration.’

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not
obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not
the
Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was
happy.

And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454327 - 11/18/13 05:24 PM Re: A Priest and a Rabbi..../.. [Re: Jude]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

The case was brought up before a judge, who just happened to be a man of faith.
After listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, he promptly banged his gavel and said,

“Case dismissed!”

The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such day!”

The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454412 - 11/19/13 07:22 AM Re: A Priest and a Rabbi..../.. [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1529
Loc: New England
A priest and a rabbi were on the same bus and after making small talk the priest asked the rabbi: "Tell me rabbi, is it true that your law forbids you to eat pork?" The rabbi replied "Oh yes, its strictly forbidden." The priest then asked with a sly look, "And have you always obeyed that law?"

The rabbi blushed and admitted, "No father, I confess to eating a ham sandwhich at one time in my youth." The priest smugly continued reading his newspaper.

A few minutes later, the rabbi spoke up, asking: "Tell me father, is it true your law requires you to be celibate?" The priest immediately answered, "Yes, of course. Its been our way for thousands of years." The rabbi then asked, "And have you always obeyed that law?" The priest blushed and squirmed in his seat, answering "No rabbi, I confess to fornicating at one time in my youth."

The rabbi sat and thought for a moment, then said: "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich doesn't it?"
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

Top


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