Just treat him like he is not defective. I say that in a nice way, not sarcasm. I know some wrong stuff happened to me. I rarely ever think of it. I have been married now going on 20 years.
My wife knows in a generic way of a variety of abuses in my childhood. Once in a while I will reflect on it. Usually laying in bed at night at the end of the day. Not associated with intimacy, just laying there. Remember something, violent or sexual. She will rub my back and just snuggle up a bit.
It passes. Sometimes I mourn the death of a part of my innocence. It happens.
Sticking together and loving is like the cement foundation a strong house stands on. You never see it, it just keeps it all together.
It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job now.
I stayed away from toxic family relationships. Early on she did not understand the impact of those people. We had a few talks about why. We worked it out.
Best wishes on the relationship!
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.