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#453568 - 11/13/13 10:28 PM Hoping for solace at MS
Painallover Offline


Registered: 11/11/13
Posts: 2
Im new here and still familiarising myself with the site. I have been married to my sweet boyfriend of two years for three years now. The first two-years of our marriage was hell and would have continued like that if I didnt go for therapy, swimming lessons, timeout etc to feel good again. Very moody blames me for all his woes. HE IS ANGER PERSONIFIED. Cant advise him on anything, so much it has resulted to a looming bankrupcy. Reckless spender, emotionaly absent and sore on all sides. Can sit and watch TV 20hours a day. His nusiness has suffered a lot he is in serious debt and is so angry that this time around I cant help him and I dont care how he gets out of his self-dug-pit.

Im in a healthy space his behaviour no longer affects me like it used to. He is angry I seem happy and no longer care whether he sorts himself out or or not or is making money or losing not.

How are my fellow supporter wives dealing with these men especially like mine who is refusing to see a Therapist. He stopped going two years ago when she advised him that he finds a Psychiatrist so that he can be co-managed by both doctors.

Treats our six year old child badly it pains me. My child loves her daddy but the daddy isnt showing any love, financial support, emotional, spiritual support. Not that he does to me except for when he is horny. Of which I told him to stop making me his sex object.

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#453575 - 11/13/13 10:54 PM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Painallover]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 192
Loc: Virginia
Hi Painallover,

Welcome to MS. I'm sorry to hear things are so rough for you, your H and your daughter right now.

I know this is a very tough situation, moreso beccause he isn't exactly making himself loveable right now. If he's averse to seeing a different therapist, would he respond to books? I'm reading Mike Lew's Victims No Longer and it really is speaking to me. Would he be willing to visit the MS site? Between myself and the approximately 11,000 other men here, he's bound to find other guys who are dealing with (or have dealt with) similar feelings and emotions. Some of us have come a long way in a relatively short period of time, and we're happy to help guide someone who's a few steps behind us.

It seems he isn't really ready to begin taking strides on this, and I know it isn't helping that he's taking his anger out on you and your daughter. I suspect he's still so mired in it all that developing a plan and moving forward isn't on the table yet.

I'm glad in any event that you've established some peace for yourself. I know this sort of thing is absolutely brutal on wives.

I wish you the best. At least there are lots of people on this site who understand and are willing to help, myself included.

Best wishes,
Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#453578 - 11/13/13 11:12 PM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Painallover]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
I am so glad to hear that you have found space for yourself in all of this. That is, as you seem to know, essential to survival.

Living with someone who is in pain, projecting all of that on to those around him, is not fun and really not fair. If he is not ready to do the work, then it can be really frustrating. It is also hard to watch a child suffer.

We are here - supporters and survivors. I encourage you to post in the friends and family section too.

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#453581 - 11/13/13 11:34 PM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Esposa]
Painallover Offline


Registered: 11/11/13
Posts: 2
Bob, Esposa, Thanks guys.

For the first time someone has an ear for me. I have talked to him several times about his relationship with our daughter and he doesnt get it that I do not like it when he raises his voice at my child and intimidates, manipulate and play with him only when he has to kiss her bum. I am not comfortable and my child now is like used to ask that he chases her t okiss the bum. In her mind that is the only way to make daddy happy.

Begging, trying to convince, talking, persuading, shouting, forcing him to see a therapist, go online find similar websites (1in6), watching 200 men ... I have been there and he always says after seeing them nothing different he doesnt need them. I am really tired of trying. I am only exposing my child to all the negative things in the house coz in the past we have been physical and insulting infront of her it traumatised her. I took her along for therapy and moved out for six month and we were just fine. He went for sessions and stopped when we came back at his pleas and from seeing that he was changing for the better. Now I dont know what to do.

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#453603 - 11/14/13 06:43 AM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Painallover]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to Male Survivor Painallover!
I'm sorry to hear about many difficulties that you are going trough with your husband.
It would be the best if he would start going to therapy.
Please read in forums and look for other similar stories, survivor's wives and their coping with such situations.
I'm glad that you are feeling safe and look for own needs during troubles.
Keep sharing with us!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#453717 - 11/15/13 01:54 AM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: gettingstronger]
felix33 Offline


Registered: 10/17/13
Posts: 4
Loc: California
Painallover,
I wish you the best too.
felix33
_________________________
felix33

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#453722 - 11/15/13 04:10 AM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Painallover]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 827
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Painallover,

I'm glad you are reaching out to get the support you need. Until you feel supported, reaching healthy decisions may be a challenge.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#453869 - 11/15/13 08:35 PM Re: Hoping for solace at MS [Re: Painallover]
Kylie Offline


Registered: 11/15/13
Posts: 25
Doesn't sound okay at all.

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