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#453550 - 11/13/13 08:40 PM A Bright Spot
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 698
Loc: NJ
My husband and I have been on a journey. It's been a long road. I have felt very alone many times. Today, I felt a cosmic shift however and I wanted to share.

He has been going to a men only AA group for a couple of months. He fought it for years. Denied and denied. He's not an alcoholic... yeah yeah. Maybe not, but he is an addict.

Tonight he came home and was glowing. I mean BEAMING. And he announced that he had disclosed his abuse in his group. I was immediately shocked - but then this shock turned to a sublime sort of relief. And it was in that moment that I realized the burden of carrying his secret because I suddenly felt lighter. And he felt lighter. And happier. And it showed.

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#453557 - 11/13/13 09:32 PM Re: A Bright Spot [Re: Esposa]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 730
Loc: NJ
Thankfully the group was trustworthy and provided him the safety he needed to speak his truth.

Congratulations to you both.

I recall my wife saying I was smiling as I disclosed the abuse to my parents...I don't specifically recall the smiling, but it sure feels good to get that monkey off you should.

Can't help but think of that moment anytime I see " the flying 800lb weight off my shoulder" tattoo I had placed there for such moments.

Good luck keeping the momentum going and be cautious of the "I want to disclose to everybody no w" that sometimes comes with this feeling.

consider at some point reasking permission to expand your support group if that works for him and with the same type of trust and safety.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#453573 - 11/13/13 10:35 PM Re: A Bright Spot [Re: Esposa]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 166
Loc: Virginia
Esposa,

That's wonderful! I think disclosing something like that, even to people you trust, is probably the single hardest part of dealing with all of this. Stress wise, it's right up there with making it through your first visit with your therapist.

I agree with Castle that he should resist the temptation to "disclose to everyone" that does indeed come with this. However, there's certainly no harm in telling people he can trust. For myself, I told my wife, both of my pastors, the prayer team at my church, my regular doctor (who is involved with other aspects of my treatment,) a few close friends (two of whom were also molested, it turns out) and, of course, my therapist.

Breaking out of the isolation is key, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has a number of people in his life who would be very supportive if they knew what happened. In any event, congratulations on a milestone for both of you and I hope the momentum continues.

Bob
_________________________
Never worry about "three steps forward and two steps back." Thirty steps forward and twenty back are still ten steps in the right direction.

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#453594 - 11/14/13 03:08 AM Re: A Bright Spot [Re: Esposa]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 190
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Congratulation Esposa, that's great.

As with alot of posts, they resonate with the reader, as your's did with me, I disclosed to my wife a while back and I have to say that it was liberating, my wife however has suggested that I also do the same with my sister, on reflection I know that she would be supportive but part of it includes my Mother (she wasn't abusive but there were other issues) and my Sister does see her most weeks so I don't want to ruin their relationship so its difficult.

Getting back to your point though regarding feeling alone over the years, I wonder if my wife feels the same since my disclosure which maybe part of the reason that she suggested that I disclose to my sister, I care deeply about her and would hate to think of her feeling like that.

Apologies but I hijacked your thread, good luck for the future to you both.

David
_________________________
Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter

J.R.R.Tolkien, The Hobbit

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