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#453465 - 11/13/13 05:52 AM Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
I'm sitting in a coffee shop now - a very standard routine for me, a coffee and a smoke. And, like many times in the past, a "feeling" started to assert itself within me. I don't know what to call it, but I know every time it hits me. It's a mixture of loneliness, restlessness, craving, agitation...complex, powerful and at times uncontrollable - it's what I usually feel before acting out. By some fortune, I had the good thought to log onto FB and dig up some old photos.

The effects were instantaneous for me and profound.

I have about a dozen photos all on different tabs now. All of them have me, and others in it. Friends with whom I've shared many laughs with, shared activities with (soccer, nights out, etc.). Friends who showed me that despite everything, happiness is within my reach. Friends who reminded me that though only partially, but significantly, I can belong somewhere. Reminded me that somehow, I managed to make positive memories with others, and in those cherished moments, reminded me that I can be accepted, sought out, and on a platonic level, really, loved.

I pretty much live alone in a city now where I don't have many friends or communities to fall back on, mainly (I tell myself) because of language barriers. It's sometimes hard to stay afloat and be conscious of the fact that my life hasn't been all dread and misery. That there were good times in my life - times that can still make me smile, even though I am alone, and indeed, make me feel that somehow, in the midst of solitude, that I am not alone.

I think the biggest thing I've realized, or perhaps been reminded of, is the fact that I can connect with others through very aspects of me - positive aspects - that have nothing to do with abuse, or even, may I say, have not been stifled or killed off by the abuse. There have been many moments in the past where I exercised my will to live, my will to happiness - with positive aspects. Times when I lost myself in the moment, when things were OK. The photos were proof of this - something that unfortunately often escapes my consciousness. It reminds me that pain and suffering, and enduring them, are, in fact, in the long-run (in the grand scheme of many years to come), temporary.

I wish I could share these photos but I'm still afraid of making my full identity public. I simply now hope that maybe some of you can relate to this, and might dig up old photos of your own - photos that remind you of good memories, of shared laughs and smiles...and remind you that there are plenty of those lying ahead, waiting to be re-experienced. I'm damn convinced of this - that the future holds more and more of this.

P.S. What I was listening to while looking at the photos - http://picosong.com/qxs9/


Edited by concerned_husky (11/13/13 06:13 AM)
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

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#453466 - 11/13/13 06:07 AM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Nice topic Husky.
I love to go trough old memories and photos.

Take care for yourself when feeling isolated and lonely. From such emotions arise the strongest triggers for me that could lead me to do compulsively things like porn/MB that I'm not proud about.

Hey and you are loved, I know that for sure!
This place would be much different without concerned Husky that we can see often here wink

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#453467 - 11/13/13 06:13 AM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
(((Pero)))

smile
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

Top
#453503 - 11/13/13 02:03 PM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 206
Loc: canada
i was just looking through photos the other day. and yes, its so nice to remember all the good times i've had, good friends i've had. sometimes those memories get squashed by bad ones. its important to remember that most of life is good.

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#453507 - 11/13/13 02:27 PM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
I'm sitting in a coffee shop now - a very standard routine for me, a coffee and a smoke. And, like many times in the past, a "feeling" started to assert itself within me. I don't know what to call it, but I know every time it hits me. It's a mixture of loneliness, restlessness, craving, agitation...complex, powerful and at times uncontrollable - it's what I usually feel before acting out. By some fortune, I had the good thought to log onto FB and dig up some old photos.

You're sounding like Schubert (good)
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

The effects were instantaneous for me and profound.

I have about a dozen photos all on different tabs now. All of them have me, and others in it. Friends with whom I've shared many laughs with, shared activities with (soccer, nights out, etc.). Friends who showed me that despite everything, happiness is within my reach. Friends who reminded me that though only partially, but significantly, I can belong somewhere. Reminded me that somehow, I managed to make positive memories with others, and in those cherished moments, reminded me that I can be accepted, sought out, and on a platonic level, really, loved.

Still like Schubert but he didn't have photos or soccer
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

I pretty much live alone in a city now where I don't have many friends or communities to fall back on, mainly (I tell myself) because of language barriers. It's sometimes hard to stay afloat and be conscious of the fact that my life hasn't been all dread and misery. That there were good times in my life - times that can still make me smile, even though I am alone, and indeed, make me feel that somehow, in the midst of solitude, that I am not alone.

You're sounding like Tchaikovsky (good)
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

I think the biggest thing I've realized, or perhaps been reminded of, is the fact that I can connect with others through very aspects of me - positive aspects - that have nothing to do with abuse, or even, may I say, have not been stifled or killed off by the abuse. There have been many moments in the past where I exercised my will to live, my will to happiness - with positive aspects. Times when I lost myself in the moment, when things were OK. The photos were proof of this - something that unfortunately often escapes my consciousness. It reminds me that pain and suffering, and enduring them, are, in fact, in the long-run (in the grand scheme of many years to come), temporary.

You're sounding like Rachmaninov (good)
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky


I wish I could share these photos but I'm still afraid of making my full identity public. I simply now hope that maybe some of you can relate to this, and might dig up old photos of your own - photos that remind you of good memories, of shared laughs and smiles...and remind you that there are plenty of those lying ahead, waiting to be re-experienced. I'm damn convinced of this - that the future holds more and more of this.

You sound normal or maybe hypernormal smile Maybe like Glazunov?

Puffer


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#453520 - 11/13/13 05:08 PM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 613
Loc: where the shadows lie
There's a three minute bit of home video I have that used to mean nothing to me, but as I've come to know that boy it is as if that short window as become an entirely different thing. I'm working on articulating those emotions and might share what I get out of it.
_________________________


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#453559 - 11/13/13 09:44 PM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1137
Loc: The ATL
Husky, dude, I know exactly what you are talking about and, at times, I try to keep the same types of things in mind to keep myself from going over the edge of the abyss. Old photos, memories of good times, knowing that there will be future good times, fun, and moments of joy and laughter to come. I could look through my own FB photo history and see all of this pretty clearly. Even when some of the struggles and tribulations aren't quite so "temporary", even when some of the problems are permanent and without hope of resolution, there will always be good times and good, loving people, who break through the darkness and lift you into light and joy. Those are the times and the people I live for. That's what keeps me hanging on. Thanks. Peace,

Ken

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#453590 - 11/14/13 01:06 AM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
I have some old 8mm home movies taken when I was very young, that I had transferred to video a while back. Watching them is kind of bittersweet. I feel happy seeing myself safe, cared for, and just a boy having fun. But I feel sad knowing what followed. I end up just asking "why?"
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#453600 - 11/14/13 04:43 AM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Glad you seem to be doing a bit better {{{{{Husky}}}}

While I was on another photo restoration project a couple years ago - part of my profession - I decided to embark on restoring a lot of my childhood pix related to Dad who, with his second wife, were the only two adults who actively, responsibly cared for me, despite only being able to see me a few times a year (Mommybitch had custody).

I absolutely get what those pix can do. Modestly, I'm damn good at what I do. Consequently I even pulled up details of rooms, furniture, etc., about which I'd long forgotten. Gawd, it was great. And they've often helped me the past couple of years to pull me out of some of my lowest moments.

They were also the impetus for me to get on eBay to seek out Dad's portable radio (which I loved), my first tape recorder, etc. They now sit proudly in my office. Hell, I've even gone to sleep with Dad's radio next to me.

Even better, the whole thing prodded me to seek out cousins with whom I hadn't had contact in decades. A long story for another time, but I connected with one cousin in particular (Dad's closest brother), who Dad had helped into recovery. Therefore, we speak the same language and aren't hampered by "secrets". He's like the older brother I never had.

You never know where those pix will lead.


This is one of my restored faves and I use it on my desktop every Christmas. At the time I'd figured out - thanks to Dad's encouragement and a Polaroid - how to make the most of existing lighting with or without flash. I was 14. I can still feel how bitterly cold it was, how warm the bulbs were and that the heat was blasting just the other side of the door with the bells on it, and how completely safe I felt.

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#453716 - 11/15/13 01:01 AM Re: Photos, Positive Memories, and their Healing Power [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 363
Loc: NY
Husky:

There is a you!!!! He not only endures, but though others may unconsciously obscure and neglect him, lives and loves with passion, exuberance and desire.

Peace,

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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