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#453360 - 11/12/13 02:02 PM If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you?
Chase Eric Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:05 AM)
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#453361 - 11/12/13 02:06 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 415
Loc: USA
I forgave them, and for me that meant I let go of all the anger I carried around. In my belief system, forgiving them does not let them off the hook. It lets me off the hook.
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#453363 - 11/12/13 02:10 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: BuffaloCO]
Chase Eric Offline
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Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
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Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:04 AM)
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#453364 - 11/12/13 02:10 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
Obi Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1288
Loc: kansas
Depends on how truly repentant the person is. If the person apologizes, does everything he/she can do to right the wrong, then I would forgive that person.

however, if there is no true repentance on the part of the abuser, then I would probably say no.
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#453370 - 11/12/13 02:34 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
Eirik,

"I'm sorry" can be mumbled under one's breath without the slightest inkling of honesty/genuineness. Uttering "I'm sorry" does not necessarily express remorse, it may simply be another manipulative tactic to wear your guard down. In view of that, in my opinion, a mere apology doesn't warrant forgiveness at all. Even if the abuser showed remorse and was making positive steps in changing his behavior, I think it's still entirely up to you whether or not you want to forgive.

As for your other question...I'm struggling to find a reasonable answer. I've been following your story, often at a loss as to what to say...our stories are so different. On my end...I'd have trouble watching my mother drown - whether that's a sign of compassion or a sign of still being under the influence of emotional blackmail, I don't know. I'm getting a lot of mixed messages from your quote from movie and it's left me with a lot of questions - particularly that last line. Does admitting life is unjust necessitate sympathy/compassion for the abuser? How does saving the abuser take away the sorrow? Is it some kind of empowering act, taking the moral high ground? What happens when he isn't drowned, is he free to roam the world and abuse again? I guess what I'm getting at here is that I think the answer is very conditional to the circumstances/situation. To me, the question you're posing is a very complicated one with no straightforward answer.
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#453374 - 11/12/13 02:58 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
It is pertinent to remember that Matobo, the Ku, and their drowning forgiveness ritual, are all fiction. A scriptwriter liked the narrative and made it up - thinking it sounded like something that would help. In real life? I doubt that anyone willing to drown a criminal would then be emotionally capable of - or honest in - mourning him for a year. Revenge is revenge.

In many cases, survivors can forgive not because the perps deserve forgiveness but rather because the survivor themself deserves to go through the forgiveness process, deserves to feel forgiveness and let go of anger, bitterness, and hate.

I am not one of those survivors. I am an extremely unforgiving person in ANY circumstance. It is a character flaw but it's me. If the man who abused me were to apologize, earnestly, tearfully, publicly, in horror and shame, I would accept his apology and it might even make me feel better. But I would never - WILL NEVER - forgive him while he is alive. Once he is dead I will explore it.


Matt
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#453377 - 11/12/13 03:04 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 315
Loc: Iowa, USA
Eirik,

I would forgive my abusers. The act of doing so would free me from anger. It would enable me to live my life free from anxiety, insomnia and wishing ill well upon my abuser. It would not mean that I would forget what was done from him and it wouldn't absolve him from his action, nor would it waive the need for restitution. Forgiveness is something I would do for myself. I would leave it up to God in heaven to decide this eternal future.

Dave

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#453378 - 11/12/13 03:11 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: concerned_husky]
Chase Eric Offline
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Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
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Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:02 AM)
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#453383 - 11/12/13 03:51 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: SoccerStar]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
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Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 11:03 AM)
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#453386 - 11/12/13 04:09 PM Re: If he apologized, would you forgive? Could you? [Re: Chase Eric]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 591
Loc: VA
Put him in a jail cell for 10 to life and let him say what he wants.

John

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