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#453177 - 11/10/13 10:22 PM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: jas4159]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Thank you everyone. I feel like I have a better understanding now of what she is saying and why there are such various reactions to it.


Originally Posted By: jas4159
She enjoys the luxury of denial in my humble opinion.


That is a great way of putting it.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#453186 - 11/11/13 12:28 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
bluesky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 122
I would like to know if fear threats of death punishment and indoctrination are ok with the good Dr if she thinks that kids are just puppets to be used. That they dont have feelings and that maybe we dont want to remember what happened so we can try to live a normal life that we had before the MF's came along and stole the innocents and sanity we did not ask or want that kind of relationship we wanted friendship not to be used and then thrown to the dogs literary and figuratively. I think Dr's like her are part of the problem just as holocaust deniers say that gas chambers and death camps never existed and the survivors are just mentally ill with delusional memory's of a work camp relationship. I wrote a poem about this kind of injustice if there was no one there to protect use we should at least be there for today's children and not allow "Dr's" that use their position to tell me or you what we know what we feel that is all that counts. Remember not to long ago it was the fault of the girl that got raped "she was asking for it " that was a defense. If she remembered or not. Its ease to sit in your office and wright books. I don't wish my memory's and flash backs and doubts of what happened on any body. Answering your question if she may be right in my opinion she is wrong because I know so and feel so and that is all that counts we need to use our voice to stand up and stop the allowed cycle of hurt and shame and pain.
Thank You all of my brothers and sisters in the human race that do not give in to the lies.
They no not
_________________________
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert

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#453187 - 11/11/13 12:29 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
don64 Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 670
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I didn't remember paternal sexual abuse for 53 years. I didn't remember maternal sexual abuse for 63 years. My life has been majorly fucked with depression, alcoholism, anonymous sex, serially monogamous psychologically abusive relationships, major thoughts of suicide. What the hell does she know about me. Nothing. There is still no ME here. I'm not giving up, but her arrogance regarding a topic as personal to me is astounding. I was/am severely traumatized. My memories were majorly subdivided and hidden from me until I could begin to handle them. That is repression. I would never read her book and question her intellectual integrity AT THIS TIME. Sounds to me she may have one or two repressed memories herself. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#453197 - 11/11/13 04:57 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
I don't know, I've not read her book, but it actually sounds a little symptomatic of a social trend I've noticed in the media and elsewhere recently, the idea that someone can undergo torture, physical injury, abuse and that if they don't! just brush this off and become some sort of cool ultra hardcase masculine sterriotypical idiot (even if they're a woman), they're in some way weak or unfavourable. There seems in popular culture at the moment a real glorifications of repression of traumer into anger, it's of course an extention of the antihero phenomenon but it's going even further to the point that people don't even have to be heroic anymore, just be angry.

I suppose this is just a result of western society becoming more conformist and image driven as Don said, so anyone who undergoes unusual levels of traumer outside people's expected levels must! behave irrationally or as a criminal, but it is a worrying thing.

I'm also disturbed that she seems to have completely missunderstood the notion of childhood. I actually studdied this as part of a line of research in my doctorate, and one very interesting fact was that in cultures where for example children would marry at 13, they were already engaging in adult personal, private and social responsabilities a couple of years earlier, and you really can't have the one without the other. In such cultures children of 5 or 6 who would still be considdred children got exactly the same considderations as we with our longer lifespans, slower and more complete development and better understanding give to children much older. Thus, you can't compare a thirteen year old from the early 19th century with a thirteen year old today, it simply doesn't worrk since the experience, the social status, their knolidge and personal responsability and integrity are utterly and completely different.

It'd be like going back in time and telling a thirty year old who'd lived their life, had ten children and was likely to be dead in about five years "well you've got your hole life ahead of you"
Physically and chronologically that thirty year old was closer to what we would think of as 70 or 80, and it's just as stupid to compare ages in childhood as it is to compare people in societies with vastly different life exptectances, it's just nonsensical.

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#453199 - 11/11/13 05:43 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
I think the premise overlooks the fundamental difference of individuals' experience, support structures, coping mechanisms, etc.

Only one of my abuses was openly traumatic. I had so internalized the guilt and shame of getting groomed and used that I was totally convinced it was my fault. I would never have been able to provide her with accurate data at 17 or even 25 years old, 'cause like many others I was just... ignoring it and slowly sinking in my efforts to tread water.

But even when I didn't see myself as totally traumatized, I was still locked into the sexual imprint of the abuse. I 'wanted' to be touched and interacted with the way he did. I still feel creeped out by that, and other times I sort of shrug and try and 'get off the line' in martial arts terms, not let it hit me, just roll with it. I would rather have chosen my own preferences but I can't un-do the neural connections, I can just choose what I do about them.

So no 'trauma' doesn't mean no harm, no impact. Huge impact.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#453205 - 11/11/13 06:55 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
As to the repressed memory, before I even remembered what had happened, I saw a picture of my uncle without even knowing who he was. Though in a well lit room with the picture in my hand, I was unable to see the face of my uncle. When asked what happened while in my uncle's custody, I could not remember. Then trigger happened and everything let loose. I still have never, even in vivid flashbacks, been able to see my uncle's face.
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#453210 - 11/11/13 09:25 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 82
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
I agree with risingagain. For most of my life I would assure others and reassure myself that I had a picture perfect childhood. I recalled the CSA fifty seven years after it happened, and I can assure you it happened! It is not a figment of my imagination.

When I joined MS I was surprised to read so many of your posts describing exactly the same consequences of abuse that I was struggling with.

_________________________
Jay

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#453281 - 11/11/13 10:20 PM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jacob S]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1510
Loc: New England
Oh BTW, when you google the title, one of the places it shows up is on the NAMBLA website. Need I say more?

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#453314 - 11/12/13 05:01 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: Jude]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
NAMBLA also has articles on "Harry Potter." They don't get to own everything they try to dirty.


Edited by Jacob S (11/12/13 02:54 PM)
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
#453315 - 11/12/13 05:04 AM Re: The Trauma Myth -- trash or insightful? [Re: On The Fringe]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: On The Fringe
I will say that my abuse was not hostile. I was groomed as a kid and idolized my abuser. It lasted for 6 months and I missed him when they moved.

I do not have all of the traumatic symptoms of some others, no sexual dysfunction.

Shame and false guilt don't seem traumatic compared to what others endured.


Thank you for sharing this. Please don't feel like your issues are less valid than anyone else's. Your journey is just as important.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
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