Newest Members
journey4two, VASurvivor, jayceemac, rwolf, FindingNemo
12328 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alicia (55), bubblytam (56), crazydragon (39), JGag78 (36), kris82 (32), Shin (28)
Who's Online
4 registered (journey4two, 3 invisible), 20 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12328 Members
74 Forums
63402 Topics
443277 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#452882 - 11/08/13 10:26 AM BF sends mixed messages about sex
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

Top
#452948 - 11/08/13 03:14 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 255
Loc: us
I can't explain why he does this, I have theories about it but I don't think they would be helpful here.


It sounds like you know you're attractive that's great a lot of people can't see that about themselves. And I've noticed when people can't see beauty in themselves they often don't see it in the world around them or in others. I've learned that when I start looking outside myself for validation I'm often let down.

Your Bf sounds like he is destructive to your self worth. Based on this post I'm having a hard time coming up with any positive advice. I personally couldn't handle if H looked at porn and if he called me names. I would have been out the door long ago.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

Top
#452954 - 11/08/13 04:32 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

Top
#452965 - 11/08/13 07:38 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
He may have low self esteem, feeling insecure when other men show you attention. He does not feel as manly as them. Being a victim it can detract from your self image and self confidence.

Think of it this way, knowing you were a kid performing oral sex on an older boy or man is utterly humiliating. We feel a false guilt that can be crippling. It takes time to get over.

The problem is in his mind, not your looks.

Not much comfort, but it isn't you.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

Top
#453007 - 11/09/13 12:56 AM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 681
Loc: NJ
The first thing that came to mind was that you make him feel insecure. I also think from your message there is a lot of weight placed on outward appearances, indicting some issues with self esteem in general.

The porn obsession is something completely unrelated to you I expect.

Top
#453028 - 11/09/13 08:41 AM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

Top
#453029 - 11/09/13 08:41 AM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: On The Fringe]
NotSure Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 34
deleted

Top
#453093 - 11/09/13 09:37 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: NotSure
Thanks I never thought that maybe its his self-esteem. I work in fashion/entertainment where this an emphasis on looks but I've always been into dressing up since I was little. But ultimately I care far more about the inside.

But it's gotten to the point that he accuses me of being self-serving when I'm volunteering with the elderly! I don't even know how that's possible.

And I guess I should have mentioned he's several times that I don't get him off like the two girls he's "dated" before. And by dated I mean screwing because he had zero feelings for them and wasn't even attracted to one of them. Yet he says the two other women he loved weren't able to get him off how he likes either. And of course porn gets him off.

The more I listen to everyone the more I realize how unhealthy this has become and I can't make excuses for his CSA issues when he's not willing to deal with it.



Because he is a victim of a terrible crime, it does not mean you are obligated to stay and be unhappy. His inability to get off with you, as an attractive woman, but with porn has to be aggravating. My wife would be on a mission. Silly girl makes me laugh.

My wife and have a bit of a deal. I try. She tries. We experiment. We don't judge.

She chose to stay. And I love her dearly.

I don't know if I would throw myself into a relationship of one way effort.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

Top
#453096 - 11/09/13 10:23 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 681
Loc: NJ
Sexual dysfunction is his issue and one that he needs to work on rather than projecting it on to you or his other previous partners. Don't accept that as something you should internalize.

You also say he is lovey dovey but then you say he is systematically undermining you. That isn't lovey dovey.

If he isn't or doesn't want treatment for the porn addiction, then you have to ask yourself what is truly in this relationship for you. It's a long road even with a partner who is willing.

Top
#453138 - 11/10/13 01:53 PM Re: BF sends mixed messages about sex [Re: NotSure]
pittsburgh Offline


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 89
Loc: west Chester, Pa
When an man's first sexual experience is so distorted it warps his whole view and understanding of sex. With me I came to understand that porn or anything that interfered with my relationship with my wife was counterproductive was messing up a great change to have a real close and loving relationship. It was all about me and my distorted view of myself and sex. I repeat It was all about me. NOT her.
_________________________
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.